Life Support
by shadowed by passion
Summary: Isabella Swan is an attorney at Cullen, Volturi and Denali who broke her laptop. Edward Masen works in tech support with his own issues that need fixing. What will happen when these two get together? Can he fix her laptop? Can she fix him?
1. Chapter 1

Hi - So I thought long and hard and once upon a time, I found joy and peace in writing and sharing my words with you all. Due to some personal reasons, and a desire to move forward with something I very well had no place going, I pulled my stories. For that, I apologize to my readers. I plan to slowly edit them, reword a few parts and then repost. This will happen over the next month or so, as time permits to get them all back online.

For those who still want to read what I have to write, thanks for sticking around.

SbP

**Life Support**

"Cullen, Volturi, and Denali tech support, this is Edward Masen. How can I help you?"

"Edward, I think I broke my laptop. No, I _know_ I broke it and in turn, lost every file I own. I pray that you can fix it and well, if you can't fix it, I think I just might have to take my heel to the damn thing. At least then I will get justice for the agony I'll be in when my boss finds out."

_Oh no, she's upset. I don't handle upset well._

"Don't you worry, ma'am. I should be able to be of assistance. First, what is your name?"

"Bella Swan. Sorry, Isabella Swan," she said with a light giggle.

"And Ms. Swan, what is your employee code?"

"Three eight six two."

"All right then. Just give me a few minutes to find out what system you have and then I'll tap into your laptop."

"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. If you can get this fixed and the documents back I'll owe you big time, Mr. Masen."

"It is my job. Nothing to owe me."

"Well, still."

I asked her for the VNC number on her laptop and then I was there, in her computer.

Some would say it was a mild invasion of privacy, but for me it was a way to the outside world, without having to go out. Plus, it was my job.

After thirty minutes of idle chit chat, I was able to let Bella know I had restored all of her files and that she had a cute dog. I didn't let her know that the girl holding the dog made my chest tight and my knees weak.

_Thank God I was sitting._

I could hear the smile in her voice as she told me about her puppy, Jake, that she had just gotten from the pound. She sounded happy. Carefree. Full of life. She sounded _amazing_. I was slightly jealous.

"Well, Mr. Masen-"

"Please, call me Edward." My chest tightened even more at the request. I wasn't used to being forward with the few friends I had - who coincidentally were also related to me - let alone a stranger.

"Edward, thank you very much for the assistance you've given me. And one of these days, I'll return the favor. If you ever need legal assistance, I'm your girl."

I swallowed the huge lump in my throat. My chest was tightening to a level I had never experienced before and I thought I was going to pass out.

"Edward?"

I tried to say something but it just came out as a grunt.

"Mr. Masen? Are you okay? Is there anyone else in the office that can help you?"

I gargled and coughed before I was able to push sound through my throat and out my mouth to make a word. "I'm…fine." My voice was hoarse and my words were strangled, but at least I got them out.

"You don't sound fine." I heard papers shuffling. "Fuck, where is IT located in this building?"

I heard beeping on Ms. Swan's end of the line as I tried to take control of my breathing again.

"Mr. Cullen? It's Bella. I called tech support and I got this guy on the phone and I think he's choking or hyperventilating or something. I don't think anyone else is in the tech office to help him." A pause. "I can hear him breathing." Another pause. "His name? Edward Masen." A short pause. "Oh. Well then can we get someone there to him help, sir?" She was silent for a while other than the occasional 'mmmhmmm' and 'yes sir.'

"Edward, are you still with me? Say something. Make a sound. Please."

I knocked on my keyboard, still unable to make a sound that would make sense to her.

"There is someone on the way there to help you. Just stay with me. Come on, Edward. Take a deep breath in with me."

I tried my best to do as she asked.

"Okay, good, now breathe out."

I was still struggling, but it was getting better.

"Keep with me, Edward. Let's see... what can I do to help you? You liked Jake, right? Well he's a mutt of sorts. Mostly Chihuahua with some beagle. He's a cute little shit. Eats a lot though."

I wanted to laugh, but I had to focus on breathing.

"Yeah, that picture of me and him on my laptop that you saw, that was from the first weekend I had him. I took him to the park. He ran and ran. Tried to run away." She paused. "You still breathing there, Edward? Mr. Cullen said he would get someone to you soon. Very soon. Just hang in there. Say, do you like the park? Maybe we could chase Jake around sometime, if you're feeling up to it."

I needed to respond to her. I had to, but I couldn't. Right then I heard the click of my front door opening.

Carlisle Cullen; boss, uncle and all around savior walked into my apartment.

He took the phone from my ear and let Bella know I would be taken care of before disconnecting the call.

I wanted to stop him, I wanted to still hear her voice, talk to her, but I knew I wouldn't be able to have an intellectual conversation with anyone for a while.

"Edward, what happened? I thought you had moved past this." Carlisle was kneeling in front of me, flashlight shining in my eyes. He used to keep one in his car, guess he still did.

"I…she…" My breathing was getting all out of control just thinking of what she said.

"Slow down, son. Should I call Esme?"

I shook my head 'no.'

I look a few more deep cleansing breaths before I looked at my Uncle again.

I thought of the words I wanted to say carefully before I opened my mouth to try and speak them. "M-ms. S-sswan, sh-she ju-ust ssaid ssso-something and I-I don't know, I los-st control. She's just s-so pretty."

S's were always the hardest after I panicked. Talking face to face was hard enough, but then after an episode it was even worse.

Then to talk about Bella; I felt like such a pathetic child talking about her like that. In the little I did know about her, she was well rounded. She was an attorney, so she was obviously smart. She was beautiful, caring, loving. Perfect. She sat on the phone with me, trying to keep me calm. No one had ever done that for me, ever.

Carlisle chuckled. "I suppose she is. She is a good attorney. That's what matters to me." He winked at me.

Point taken.

I sucked in another deep breath before blowing it out slowly. I was starting to calm down and feel better.

"S-sorry you had to come all this way for me."

"Not a problem. I told your mother and father I would always help you out. That will always be how it is. I'm going to go get you a drink of water. Why don't you take the rest of the day off work?"

"No, I'll be okay in a few."

Carlisle left off to the kitchen, with his cell phone in hand, surely calling Esme, while I focused on breathing, calming down the rest of the way and not thinking of the picture I saw on her computer.

I was used to this. I've always been prone to panic attacks. Ever since I was little, they were how I reacted to even the mildest of stressors. From not getting the toy I wanted or having to go somewhere I didn't want to.

Kindergarten... school was hard enough as it was, getting called on and not knowing the answer, or knowing the answer, but not knowing how to get the words in my head to form and make sound. Then there was my first holiday concert. I cowered in the corner and cried, begging my mom to let me go home and not do this. I ended up peeing my pants before I even got on stage. The thought of it alone scared me to death.

After that, I begged my mom to let me stay out of the concerts. I asked her to write notes, anything that would get me out of them.

For a while, she urged me to keep trying. She told me I would get over it, and for a while, I did keep trying, but it got to the point that I couldn't even function in social settings because I always felt on edge.

My mom stayed on my side. She told me that I would overcome the fear if I just kept at it. To continue to put myself in situations that were difficult and, in time, I would overcome the anxiety. I never did, but she never gave up hope that someday, I would.

As for my father, he wasn't as understanding. He hated taking me out anywhere, because he said I made him look bad. He was more than willing to keep me home to save his own face. He was all for me staying in if it meant no one had to see his son that was a social misfit.

My mother fought for me to go everywhere with them, trying to help. He fought her to get her to see I was better off not going anywhere with them.

"Edward, you still with me?" Carlisle's eyes were concerned.

I coughed. "Yeah. S-sorry, just thinking."

At least the words flowed out better now.

"I am going to call the IT manager and let him know you are going to take the rest of the day off."

"Uncle-"

"Don't Uncle me. You need to rest. You haven't had an attack this bad in such a long time. You need the time to rest. Those attacks put a lot of stress on you."

I sighed in defeat. "Fine."

"Good. Now look, Esme will be by in a bit to check on you. Go lie down, watch a movie or something."

Carlisle left me to myself once I agreed that I would sign out of all Cullen, Volturi, and Denali software.

My uncle was an amazing criminal defense attorney. He, along with Aro Volturi and Sasha Denali, made up one of the best law firms the West Coast had.

He only hired the best of the best. I had the brains to be part of his firm; it's the fact that being out and then in a courtroom with people watching me was something I would never be able to do. So instead, I worked IT, helped behind the scenes, and I was the best of the best at that I did. Normally that was.

I curled up at my desk in my bedroom and decided I needed to do what I did best, communicate silently with Isabella Swan.

**To: Isabella Swan**

**From: Edward Masen**

**Date: Thursday, May 12th 2011 1:35 pm**

**Subject: Sorry**

_Ms. Swan,_

_I am so sorry for how I was on the telephone with you. I don't know what came over me. Please accept my apology for what happened. I hope I didn't inconvenience your day at all. _

_Hope your laptop is still in working order._

_Sincerely, _

_Edward Masen_

_Tech Support _

_Cullen, Volturi and Denali Law Firm_

I hit send and knew that email was full of BS. I knew why I acted as I did. She said she was _my_ girl…and then she confirmed that she was the girl in the photo on her laptop background. Such beauty. Smooth brown eyes that could tell a story just by themselves. A smile that even radiated to the dog she held. Lips that…that I couldn't think about again if I wanted to be able to keep breathing.

Deep down, I knew that she was just being figurative that if I ever needed her legal assistance she would be there to help, but my brain took everything so literal that before I could fully think a situation out, I would go and freak out.

Just as I did on her. At least it was over the phone so she wasn't able to laugh at me to my face.


	2. Chapter 2

**You all, I am insanely shell shocked at the response from new and old readers of mine. I appreciate all of you. **

**For anyone wondering, I will slowly be reposting my other completed stories as well. I'm not sure how I will post the drabbles, because I don't want to overwhelm people and their inboxes with updates, but they will all be posted as well. **

**Life Support**

**BPOV**

What the fuck just happened?

There I was, getting my laptop fixed, mildly flirting with the IT guy, because he sounded hot. You know when you hear someone's voice and they just sound hot? Well he sounded, drop dead gorgeous, make-my-toes-curl hot.

And that hotness didn't go away, even when he was raspy and struggling for breath. I have never made a guy pass out before from a little flirting, so I knew something bigger was wrong.

After tearing my desk apart to find a paper copy of the employee listing, since Hot Guy was still in it and I didn't have complete access back, I finally located my boss's direct number.

Carlisle was a rather hot type too, but he was married to a beauty. His sons, Emmett and Jasper both worked here. Emmett was a paralegal and Jasper was his father's top associate.

Rather a family affair, but nonetheless, they were all beautiful.

I shook my head, trying to get my mind off the fact that the Cullen gene pool was full of hot ass, and back to the fact that Carlisle ran to this Edward guy's aid fairly quickly. He must know him well or something. It was rare that I even saw Carlisle and I was his direct report, so this IT guy must be something special.

Part of me wanted to e-mail Edward and make sure he was okay, but the other part of me worried it might make him feel I was making too much out of nothing. Maybe this happened all the time to him and for him, it was the norm and he didn't like people to bring it up.

I stewed over the whole ordeal as I went to my meeting, my newly repaired laptop in tow. I interjected and spoke when necessary, but mostly I thought about Edward.

Was he okay?

Were they friends or did Mr. Cullen go there to fire him?

By the time the meeting was over, I had internally beaten myself apart, but one thing was for sure; I was dead set on e-mailing Edward to make sure he was okay. But to my surprise, I had an e-mail from him already. After reading it, I quickly sent back a response:

**To: Edward Masen**

**From: Isabella Swan**

**Date: Thursday, May 12th 2011 2:52pm**

**Subject: Re: Sorry**

_Mr. Masen –_

_Are you okay? I have been worrying about you. Mr. Cullen wasn't mad was he? I have never seen him have such a reaction to anyone before as he did for you. I hope I didn't get you in trouble by calling him, but I was worried. Guess not all lawyers are heartless, huh? _

_My laptop is working wonderfully__**.**__ Thank you so much for the help. Again, if you ever need anything, I'm your girl. You saved me in my meeting today, so job or not, I owe you._

_P.S. It's Bella._

_Isabella Swan_

_Attorney at Law with Cullen, Volturi, and Denali_

Just as I hit 'send' there was a knock on my door.

I looked up as it swung wide.

_Fuck me hard._

"Mr. Cullen, how can I be of assistance?" I asked, slightly shocked.

"Well, Miss Swan, it seems you already have been. I only wanted to stop in and thank you for helping Edward out and staying on the phone with him until I got there. I really appreciate that more than you will understand."

"Oh, it's nothing major, Mr. Cullen. Just doing what anyone would do."

"Not anyone would do that. Thank you again, from me and Edward."

With a wink, my office door was shut and I was left sitting stunned in my office.

**EPOV**

Days had passed, but I just couldn't e-mail Bella back. I had written and deleted countless words to her; if only I could get the courage to send them. Plus, by now she had probably forgotten all about the interaction with the fucked up IT dude.

I hadn't gone back to working IT calls since that interaction. I told Carlisle I didn't think I could handle talking to strangers again for a while, so he gave me all the time I needed.

I worked on the network and other things that I could maintain from home.

After a week, Esme stopped by again to see if she could help.

Aunt Esme was a therapist to the stars. She took me on because I was family, but her typical clients were like Angelina Jolie and Lindsey Lohan. Rich, stupid and mostly high on drugs.

"Edward, you need to stop locking yourself up in here. There's a new drug on the market that might be able to help you with the attacks and help you get out and live normally."

Aunt Esme was a lot like my mother. She thought if she pushed me harder it would convince me to give up on my fears, but all it did was make my fears bigger.

"You know I can't do that. Just talking to strangers over the phone is hard. I wouldn't be able to manage face to face conversations with someone. Drugs or not, I will never be normal enough to be that kind of guy."

"Yeah, I heard talking with Isabella was hard on you. Why was it so hard?"

Ah, full on doctor mode now. Great. Esme always dismissed most of what I would say to pick apart the little things. Although, what happened with Bella was a pretty big thing.

"She…she…I don't want to talk about this."

"Edward, there's no way to work on making this better if you don't talk about it." Esme pushed her reading glasses lower on to her nose. She gave me a stern look. That motherly look.

"She told me…" my voice trailed off.

"What did she tell you?"

"She said…she was my girl."

"She did? Are you sure you understood correctly?"

I might be an agoraphobic and have huge social anxiety, even when I'm in my own home, but I was not stupid.

"That was what she said; it was just in a different context. I know deep down I misunderstood, that she wasn't saying she was mine, but it's what my mind heard."

"Have you talked with her since?"

I shook my head. "We e-mailed once. I told her I was sorry for being such a freak."

"I'm sure she doesn't see you that way. Look, I want you to work on talking with her again. I think, both as a professional and as your aunt, it will be helpful. It may help you to feel normal if you have contact with someone out of the family."

"But-"

"No buts, Edward. Even if in another e-mail, do it. Now, I'm going to have Alice stop by. This mop on your head needs to be trimmed."

Esme kissed my cheek lightly before letting herself out. Esme was the only person besides my mother to ever kiss me.

I sat and stared at my laptop for what felt like forever. I opened the email from Bella and stared at it before hitting reply.

**To: Isabella Swan**

**From: Edward Masen**

**Date: Tuesday, May 17th 2011 4:31pm**

**Subject: Re: Re: Sorry**

_Bella – _

_Sorry for the delay in getting back to you. I am doing okay. I have taken some time off of working the IT problems that come through the phone. It is helpful. I don't handle people well, so again I'm sorry for how things happened the other day when we were talking._

_Mr. Cullen is my uncle, so he's used to me being a mess. _

_I'm happy that your laptop is fixed. Happy I could help._

_P.S It's Edward_

_Sincerely, _

_Edward Masen_

_Tech Support _

_Cullen, Volturi and Denali Law Firm_

I hovered over the send button, unsure if I really wanted to share this with her, a stranger. Yes, it was a small part of me, but I didn't share any parts of myself. I stayed here to hide in my own bubble of safety, _not _to share.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and hit send.

I prayed that I wouldn't regret this step toward being 'normal.'

**BPOV**

It had been days since I sent that e-mail to Edward. Days! I worried if he was okay.

I spent the weekend trying to research for trial prep, but every time I would sit down at my laptop, I thought of Edward.

I contemplated sending him a follow up e-mail to make sure he was okay, but I then came to the conclusion that that would be intrusive.

So I waited and waited and waited.

Monday rolled around and I wanted to ask Mr. Cullen about it, but if it was personal, I didn't want to look like some nosey bitch, so I left it alone.

As I sat in pre-trial meetings on Tuesday, my blackberry vibrated.

One new e-mail, from Edward.

I sighed with relief. He was okay.

I read it quickly and then replied.

**To: Edward Masen**

**From: Isabella Swan**

**Date: Tuesday, May 17th 2011 4:35pm**

**Subject: Starting over**

_Edward – _

_I'm so happy to hear back from you. I've been thinking about you. So how about this - we forget what happened on the phone and start over. _

_I'll go first._

_Hi, my name is Isabella Swan, but I would prefer Bella. I feel like I am a kid in trouble when I get called Isabella. Too many memories of getting in trouble as a kid and being yelled at, I guess._

_I'm an attorney at your Uncle (so you said) Carlisle's law firm. I have been here for about nine months. I am not the biggest fan of the West Coast, but it seems to have worked well for my career._

_I have a dog, Jake. He is a little bit of an annoying mutt, but he's all bark. (I don't know what you remember of our phone call – but if you remember a lot, I don't want to just repeat myself…so if you want more on Jake, just ask.)_

_I look forward to speaking with you again._

_P.S. You are not a mess._

_Isabella Swan_

_Attorney at Law with Cullen, Volturi, and Denali_

_Sent with my AT&T Blackberry_

My foot tapped with anticipation of possibly hearing back from Edward again. I did my best to pay attention and speak up where needed throughout the rest of the meeting, but my mind was elsewhere.

It was obvious there was something different about Edward, maybe even something he tried hard to hide, but I was intrigued and I wanted so badly to know more.

I checked my phone for anything back from him, but there was nothing.

I sat at my desk, idly working, but only thinking of him.

Why was he so cryptic? Why in a company this size did he work from home when no one else would dare to? It couldn't be due to relation to Mr. Cullen, because even his children came to the office daily.

I banged my head on my desk, accidentally hitting the keyboard of my laptop and fuck!

I lifted my head to see my beautiful, newly fixed by Edward, laptop cracked.

I banged my head down again slowly, completely pissed at the misfortune of now needing a new laptop.

After a bit of exploring, I knocked on the door to IT with my laptop in hand.

"Yeah, what can I do for you?"

Instead of answering, I decided to show the nerdy looking kid that stood in the doorway what I did.

"Cracked it," I said when he looked at me like I had issues.

"I see that. How did you manage to do that, because we are only able to issue replacements if it was-"

"Can promise it wasn't. I'll pay for it. I just need a new one. Can you hook me up?"

"Yeah, sure. If you will just leave me your laptop, I will transfer over all of the files."

"Uh, um…your name?"

"Eric."

"Yeah, Eric, look, I can't give you this. There is very sensitive information on it. Just give me another and I will move the info. How does that sound?"

"Well, it's just that employees are not allowed to be in possession of more than one laptop at a time."

"Eric, I can't allow you to keep this. See, I already spoke with Edward Masen about this. Do you know him?"

Eric nodded.

"Okay, yeah, so he told me that he would take care of the transfer if I went to him. I just need to go call him. I will bring it back once it is all transferred over. Is that okay? Please say it is."

I saw defeat on Eric's face. "Fine."

"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"You're welcome, just please bring the broken one back right away."

"You bet!" I wanted to hug him or something, but instead, I took both of the laptops and ran back to my office.

Now I had the perfect reason to talk to Edward again.

"Cullen, Volturi, and Denali tech support, this is Edward Masen. How can I help you?"

"Edward, how are you?"

"Uh, um, Bella?"

"Yeah. Are you doing okay?"

"Uh, um, yeah. How did you get my number? I am shut off from the call center."

"Employee directory."

"Oh. It's just I'm not taking calls anymore, so…"

"Oh…so can you not help me?"

"Yes, well, no…I will help you. Wha-what do you need?"

"I cracked my laptop, the one that you just fixed up for me. I got a new one, but I need to have the files transferred over."

"Bella, that's normally something that is done in the office. I can't get into your laptop and move files like that."

"But I want you to do it. Can I come to you, maybe?"

"Uh…"


	3. Chapter 3

Again, I am so grateful and thankful for all of you who have taken the time to read and review(or just read - nothing wrong with that), as I repost this story. I would love to know - who is new, who is rereading it, and who has hated me since I pulled all my stories and disappeared?

I'm not sure if I will finish Life Support before I start on the next story, or if I will be posting simultaneously. We shall see.

**Life Support**

**EPOV**

Come over here… What?

She can't come here. She's perfect; I've seen her and I'm a mess. I am falling apart at the seams. I can't let her come here.

'Contact outside of the family': Esme's words rang through my head.

"Edward, you still there?"

"Uh, um, yeah. S-sure, you can come to me. I'll send the address."

"Thank you, Edward. You don't know what this means to me."

I grunted a reply and hung up on her.

What the fuck did I just agree to?

I could just…not send the address.

Yeah, that's what I'll do. I won't send her the address…

Shit, I can't do that. I am far too intrigued by her.

I picked up my phone and I called a number that I had all but memorized.

"How is my favorite nephew today?"

"Aunt Esme, I'm your only nephew."

"Doesn't change the fact that you're my favorite. So, to what do I owe this call?"

"I asked her to come over."

"Who did you ask over?" Esme sounded concerned and excited all at once.

"Bella. The attorney at Carlisle's firm. She called me and asked for some help with an IT issue that requires hands-on assistance. She asked to come to me and I told her fine." My speech may have been clear, but that was only because I was whispering to hide my fear.

"That's wonderful, Edward!"

"No, it's not. The house is a mess, I'm a mess. I don't even know how I would interact with her. I haven't been around someone out of the family in such a long time. I don't think I will be able to pull this off."

"Edward, I know you can and will do just fine."

"Aunt-"

"Edward, just take it slow. Take a few deep breaths and just talk to her. When she gets there, open the door and let her in. Offer her a drink or something. Help her with the issue. Talk IT tech speak to her if you have to, since it is something you are comfortable with. If you need me, I'm just a phone call away, but I don't think you will."

"But what-"

"No buts, Edward. You will do great. Call me later and let me know how it goes."

I wanted to fight this. I wanted to tell Esme to tell me that this was a bad idea. I opened my mouth and closed it over and over, trying to find the words to tell her that I didn't want to do this, but I knew that even if I didn't want to, I needed to.

"Bye. I will call you later."

"Very good, son. You will do great."

And she was gone. I was on my own, but if Aunt Esme thought I would succeed, then I had to try.

I sat at the desk I used for work and pulled up my e-mail. I sent Bella a quick one line message with my address attached and before I could second guess myself, I hit send.

Thirty minutes had passed since I sent the e-mail to Bella and she still wasn't here. Maybe she changed her mind. Maybe she went back down to IT at the office and had forgotten about me.

Yeah, maybe she did. That would save me so much discomfort, but at the same time, even though I knew having her here would be hard, I wanted her here.

I had never wanted anyone here with me, but there was something about her voice, the tone she had on the phone. She sounded soothing, sweet and maybe even like someone that wouldn't make me regret extending my life out to include her.

I sank down to the floor pondering how stupid I was to think that this girl would even want to come here. Even if her motives were for her laptop, for a work reason, why would she want to go through all the trouble that was Edward Masen?

But before I could really think about that, there was a soft knock on the front door.

She was here… holy shit, she's here! My heart started to race. My mind went a mile a minute as I looked around the house before settling in the reflection of myself in the mirror before me.

I gave myself a quick once over, regretting ignoring Alice's offers to come and cut my hair. Not that it mattered; Bella was only coming here for work. She didn't care about me, just about her laptop.

I slowly opened the door and I was blown away. The picture on her laptop hadn't done her justice.

"Edward?"

"Uh, um yeah." I stood in the doorway and it was a rather awkward standoff. No one other than my family had been in my house since I bought it. It was mine, no one was allowed in.

"Do you have your laptops?" I asked. Granted she was holding them in her hands looking at me like I had two heads. I was about to pass out. This was too much.

"Edward, are you okay?" She didn't try to come any closer, but she looked concerned. Worried almost.

"Yeah, uh, this is just new for me. Give me a moment."

She nodded but cocked her head to the side and squinted her eyes at me.

I looked away and took a few deep breaths before looking back at her.

"L-let me take those for you." Deep breaths. Stay calm.

She handed over the laptops. One had a pretty decent crack through it.

"Wh-what did you do?" Must stay calm.

"Oh, um, I got a little frustrated at it. I was shocked that I could do so much damage, but I guess it's just plastic."

"Yo-youu h-have to be careful with these things." Frick. There was no way I would make it through this afternoon.

We were still standing in the doorway. Her looking in, me looking out. I took one more deep breath and I turned back toward my living room. As soon as I heard her heels on the tile and I froze.

Without turning to look at her I said, "C-ccaan y-you ma-mmaybe," I paused, taking a breath before rushing to finish my sentence, "wa-wait on the pporch?"

There was silence for a beat, neither of us moved and I wasn't sure that she was even still breathing.

"What? Really?"

"P-pplease. Ju-just, iit wa-wa-will o-only tt-taake me a ffew ma-minutes anyways." I hadn't stuttered this bad since I was in school. Great, now I felt like a prepubescent boy. Even better for my self-consciousness. The room slowly started to spin. This was about to get really bad.

I heard her suck in a deep breath before she turned on a heel and I heard her walk away and back out the door.

I stayed there for a few minutes, still not moving and not acknowledging the insanely fucked up situation I was in the middle of.

'Offer her a drink. Let her in'. Damn it, Esme!

I clutched the laptops to my chest, before I turned and looked at Bella, who bore a pained expression on her face. The first person to care about me and I managed to hurt their feelings.

I took a few breaths in hope that I would be able to talk to her without sounding like a complete ass. "I-I'm sorry, I..I'm ju-just not used to this. Pl-please, come in."

"Are you sure?" I could tell she was apprehensive. I was a strange one; that was for sure.

I nodded.

She took a slow and calculated step into my entryway. She took another, and another and I stayed focused on breathing.

Bella walked past me and stopped at the entrance to the living room.

"Lovely home, Edward."

I opened and closed my mouth a few times. No words would come out.

Finally I was able to make a noise, but it wasn't the one I wanted. I grunted, loudly.

_Fuck_.

Bella turned and was back before me in no time. She took both of the laptops from my hands and set them on the floor.

"Are you okay?"

I didn't answer, more like I couldn't. This was too much. I wasn't ready. What was I thinking?

"Edward, talk to me. Please. Are you okay?" She lifted her hands and then put them back at her sides. I could tell she wanted to comfort me or something, but wasn't sure if she should or not.

She ran her hands through her long hair. "Fuck, what can I do? Can you tell me how to make this okay?"

I opened my mouth and moved my tongue and nothing. Fucking nothing!

"Edward, where is your uncle's number? Fuck." Bella dropped her purse to the floor and started pulling everything out. When I was sure nothing more could be left in the bag, she lifted out her cell phone.

"Nnnnooooo." The word was strained, but it came out.

"No? Then what? What should I do?"

"S-s-ttt-ay." I sucked in a deep breath, then another. I closed my eyes and imagined that I was alone. That everything was okay, that I hadn't invited her into my home where no one else but family ever came.

I don't do people. I don't like them. I don't like the way they make me feel. I don't like the way I get nervous. I don't like any of it at all. Not one bit!

But then she moved, just slightly and I could smell her perfume and she smelled amazing and my resolve to imagine she wasn't there was broken, because my body knew she was.

Even with her silent, I knew she was there because the energy she radiated rolled off of her and onto me. It made me want to be more. Be something I never could be. Ever.

After a few more deep breaths, I opened my eyes. Bella stood before me, cell phone in hand, worry blanketing her face.

"You okay?" Her voice sounded terrified.

I nodded my head slowly.

"Should I call someone?"

I shook my head no.

"Do you want me to leave?"

I shook my head no even harder.

"Okay then. I am going to just… fuck, I don't know what I am going to do."

"J-juuust," I stopped and took a deep breath. "Juuusst sstay."

"I will. I just want to make sure you are okay." And then I felt her smooth, cold fingers on my hand briefly before she pulled away. "Shit, sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

As shockingly different as it was and not what I thought I would ever want in my life, I wanted it. I wanted it again. No one outside of my closest of family had laid a finger on me in over fifteen years, but something about Bella's touch made me not shy away from it.

Her hand was suspended between us, where she pulled it to when she moved away from me. I slowly reached my hand up toward hers and I touched her fingertip. It was like the kid and the alien in 'ET.'

Her eyes dropped down to where we touched and then back up to my face.

She stared at me and me at her, while our fingers just barely touched for who knew how long. We didn't break apart until there was a knock at the front door and Alice walked in.

"Edward, is everything okay?" Alice asked as she stood next to me. My hand was still extended toward Bella, but she had dropped her fingers.

"Yes," I whispered, unsure of myself.

"I don't believe we have met. I'm Alice Cullen, Edward's cousin. Who are you?" Alice sounded angered.

"Bella, Isabella Swan. I work at Carlisle's firm. I, uh, I just…"

"_The_ Bella Swan?" Alice cut off Bella's stuttering. "The one that stayed on the phone with Edward the other day?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Oh, it is such a pleasure to meet you." Alice dove for Bella and wrapped her in a hug. "Sorry, I get a bit emotional about Edward, and when people help him, I just can't help myself."

"Yeah, sure thing." Bella looked at me, completely terrified.

"So, Bella, why are you here?"

"Um, well I stopped by so Edward could take a look at my laptop. I cracked it and I need all my files transferred. Since we had such a wonderful talk last time and he helped me greatly, I wanted to have his assistance again." Bella smiled as she finished her small speech.

"I'm pretty sure you did more for him last time than he did for you." Alice winked and walked toward the kitchen.

Bella didn't move. She stayed right where she had been standing for the last almost hour.

"Should I go now? I could come pick my laptop up later."

"No. S-sttay. Pple-ease."

"Okay, I will." She smiled brightly at me and turned to go in the same direction Alice went.

I took a few deep breaths before I bent over and picked up Bella's broken laptop and the new one. I slowly walked to my desk and started them both up.

As I linked the two laptops together, I heard footsteps, two sets coming back toward me.

Alice said something I didn't quite make out and Bella laughed. Part of me tensed up, but another part, a part I didn't know I had, melted.

The sound that was Bella's laughter was new and exciting and amazingly perfect, and at that moment, I never wanted it to stop. I could listen to her forever.


	4. Chapter 4

**For the new readers, I wanted to share with you where this story came from. A dear old friend of mine was having some issues in her life. She slowly saw herself turning into the character I have made in Edward. She didn't want to leave her home. She didn't want to be near people outside of her family. This story was written for her. I still think of her often, even though our friendship and lives have moved in other directions. **

**Life Support**

**BPOV**

I had never wanted to touch someone as badly as I wanted to touch him. It was like I was drawn to him. When he asked me to stay and reached for me, especially after how he reacted when I first walked, I was ecstatic.

I could have stayed just like that, barely touching, forever.

I didn't know what was wrong with him. Part of me was dying to ask, the other part knew that if and when he wanted to tell me, he would.

I prayed that he would tell me, because I didn't want to ever have to leave. And I hoped whatever it was that caused him to be this way would allow me to never leave.

I was not one that was ever drawn to another, but something about Edward Masen made me want more.

Maybe it was the fact that he was damaged and unattainable in his current state, or maybe it was the fact that his face looked pained but wanting at the same time. He endured pain to get more.

Whatever he was, I wanted all of it.

When Alice walked in I prayed it would ease Edward up some, and it did, but he still was tense.

Was it because I was there? Or because she was? Or because that was just how he always was?

Needless to say, when he asked me to stay, I did. I didn't want to go. I would stay there as long as he would have me. Just being near him made me feel something insanely different.

"So, Bella…"

"Alice?" We were standing in the kitchen. She handed me a bottle of water.

"Why are you in Edward's house?" She lilted her head to the side, inquiring to know more.

"I told you-"

"No, Bella. There are IT guys available in the office at the firm. Why did you come here? How did you even know where to go?"

"Edward told me how to get here."

"He did?" Alice nearly shrieked.

"Yeah."

"Wow. Well, okay then," she said as she nodded.

"So Alice, are you another one of Carlisle's children?"

"Oh, well, I married his son, Jasper. Do you know him?"

"I met him once or twice. Big office and all."

It was silent between us. Alice looked like she had zoned out and was in her own world.

"So, what do you do for a living? Do you work at the firm as well and I just have yet to meet you?"

She shook her head. "No, no. I own a hair salon."

"Oh really?"

On Alice's movements, we started to head back to the front room where we left Edward.

"Yeah. I was stopping by at the request of my mother-in-law to give Edward a trim. I wasn't planning on coming today, but I had a rough time at the salon. I needed to leave. I had a lady come in and ask me to wax a part of her body that I never wanted to see on a woman. Ever! The sick thing, we don't even wax other than the eyebrows and lip, but she just dropped her pants right there in my back room. The thought alone makes me ill."

I laughed hard at what Alice was telling me. Every time I thought I had my laughter under control, I would look at Alice and break out in another fit.

I couldn't help myself. Maybe my nerves were getting the best of me as well.

By the time I got control of my giggles, Edward was looking at me with an expression that I couldn't read.

Was it shock, fear, awe? I wasn't sure but he looked happy. Far happier than he did when I first came in. Happier than when Alice came in. He looked full of life instead of worry.

And it was beautiful.

Alice led me to the couch and we sat. Part of me worried if it was okay that I touch his stuff. He lost it when I walked in, could he handle me sitting on his stuff? Leaving my mark in his home?

I was stiff, but I sat next to Alice. Edward went back to work on the laptops, his complete focus on his work. Alice chit chatted about the weather, and other mundane things.

Honestly, I think she just wanted to hear herself talk. Frankly, I didn't care what she wanted to talk about, my eyes were focused on Edward. While working, he looked as carefree and confident as I did when working.

I felt Alice shift on the couch and then she was right next to me, whispering in my ear. "It's monumental that he let you in the house. You might not get it, but I know it is. I don't know what it is about you that makes you have what it takes, but you, Bella Swan are something special." She wrapped her arm around my shoulder and squeezed tight.

"Well, Edward, since you're busy working, I will go. Give me a call later, okay?"

Edward nodded at her and stood. They were face to face in an odd standoff, before she left without another word.

With Alice gone, it was quiet and I felt weird.

Edward broke the silence when he slid his chair back from his desk.

"Here, Bella. I'm finished."

"Really? That quick?"

"Just a copy and paste from system to system. Not hard at all."

I noticed he didn't stutter as we talked now. I wondered what had changed.

"Oh. Well, thank you. I guess I should be going then." As much as I didn't want to leave, I could tell Edward was still uncomfortable with me here.

Edward stayed silent as I took my laptops from his desk and stacked the broken one on top of the new one.

I was half way to the front door when I turned to look at him. "Thank you for your help. I appreciate it."

He stood slowly and walked toward me. He stopped a good five feet away from me and reached his hand out toward me.

I shuffled the laptops and reached my hand out to his. Our fingers grazed one another's and he pulled back slightly before placing his hand back against mine.

"Thank you, Bella." He didn't look at me; he looked at our barely joined hands.

"You're welcome, Edward."

He dropped his hand and lifted his head.

"Thanks again, Edward. It's been a pleasure. Maybe I'll see you again." I smiled at him and he looked away. He ran his hand through his hair, tugging lightly at the ends.

I let myself out the front door and climbed into my car. I drove a block down before I pulled over.

_What was that? I get he obviously has issues…big fucking issues, but what was that? At first it was like he was afraid of me, but then it seemed like he wanted more. _

I would have to find a way to find out more about Edward Masen, because my fingers were already dying to touch his again.

**EPOV**

Oh my God. Holy shit. What the fuck was that? What just happened?

The questions of what? How? Why? _Why _was a big one. Why now? Why her? She was amazingly beautiful. Someone I would never have a chance with even if I wasn't fucked in the head and could leave the house. I mean, I can't take her out; I can't give her nice things. I wouldn't ever be able to touch her more than I already had.

The fact that I managed to touch her at all was beyond me. I never figured I would touch someone that I wasn't related to. Ever.

It took me years to allow Alice to cut my hair, and she and Jasper had been together, and she'd been in my 'family' for as long as I could remember. She was the girl next door. So even before they became a couple, she was around.

To this day she still doesn't touch me unless it's with scissors in her hands.

I threw myself down in the middle of the entry way.

What was I going to do?

I ran my hands over my face and into my hair. I tugged and screamed out in frustration.

I hadn't left my house, this house, since I moved in eleven years, three months and eight days ago. And before that I hadn't left the home my parents had owned in over three years, and before that I only left when I was forced.

When they died, it was because they were coming here to see my new place. They were sick of me never leaving their house. They were sick of never having alone time. They told me I was an adult and I needed to get past my issues, so I did. I left.

I wonder if I had never left, would they still be here or would death have found them in another way.

And now there was Bella… she made me want to leave the house. Even if I knew it was not something I was capable of doing, she made me _want _to. She made me want to touch and feel and be.

She made me want to be more than I was.

I lay back on the floor, in the same spot where I touched her, where I touched another person outside of my family for the first time since I was in Junior High.

My head rested where my feet had been, my hand where her feet had been, and I fell asleep, completely emotionally exhausted.


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks for the warm welcome back everyone! Granted, I am only re-posting things I never should have removed. At least now they should have less errors and minor plot holes. Enjoy.

**Life Support**

"Edward? Are you okay?" I felt warmth next to me. Alice was kneeling on the floor next to my head. "Want to talk about it?

"I thought you wanted me to leave you and Bella, that's why I went. I shouldn't have left you. I'm _so_ sorry. It was like a breakthrough for you and I didn't want to get in the middle of it."

I lay there, my hand remaining where Bella had stood. Sun was shining through the window, as it was setting on the horizon.

I felt Alice move away from me and some rustling.

"Esme, I went back like you asked me to and Edward is on the floor in the entry." A pause. "Yes he's breathing." Another pause. "I think maybe he is in shock. I don't know." And another. "Maybe you should. I shouldn't have left him here alone with her, but it just…It is my fault. I was here. I should have stayed." I could see Alice nodding as she listened to Esme. "Yeah, okay. See you soon, Mom."

More rustling.

"Esme will be here soon to help you out, Edward."

I wanted to tell her no. I wanted to tell her I was fine. That I was just reliving the moment over and over in my mind and she was starting to ruin it, but I knew if I talked, it _would_ ruin it completely. So I stayed silent, imagining I was still touching Bella. Imagining that we were face to face. Imagining that I was enough for her and that she would let me touch her hand again.

As small as it was, it was something that I wanted again. I _needed_ again. I knew she was only here to get her laptop fixed, and maybe even to check in on me after what happened the first time we talked, but it felt like so much more.

I needed to find a way to get Bella here again without scaring her.

I heard the front door open and I knew that I would need to acknowledge the people around me before Esme shot me up full of drugs to help with the panic attack she would assume I was having.

"Edward, are you okay?"

I tightened my eyes closed, holding on to the memory before I looked at her.

"Carlisle, Jasper, help me roll him."

Oh, she brought all of them. Fuck my life.

"Please don't touch me. I'm fine," I mumbled into the tile floor.

"If you're fine, then why are you lying on the floor?" Esme asked

"To feel her," I whispered. I didn't want everyone else to hear, but I was sure that Esme and Alice had heard when I heard them both gasp.

"So you are not panicking about her being here?" Esme asked.

"No."

"So why didn't you talk to me when I came in, Edward?" Alice asked, worry still in her voice.

"Because my mind was elsewhere, on her."

"Can you get up, so I can check your vitals and such?" Esme asked.

I rolled over and sat up. I was now sitting right where Bella had stood.

Bella.

"Well, your heart rate is escalated, but otherwise you seem to be fine. Are you sure you don't-"

"I'm fine. More than," I said cutting her off.

Esme gave me a tight lipped smile and nodded.

I situated myself on the floor, not ready to move yet from that spot.

"Is it normal for someone to change like this?" Carlisle asked Esme. I was sure he was meaning to whisper, but the acoustics in the entry were good. You could hear a pin drop even in the middle of a loud party.

Not that I ever had parties.

"Normally, no, but if she is someone that he connects with on a higher level, it's possible…" Esme's words trailed off as she noticed I was staring at her. "We'll talk about it later."

"No, talk about it now!" I raised my voice and Alice looked at me like I had three heads. I looked back at them defensively. "What?" If there was a way for me to be normal…would this girl be it? I had to know.

"It's just, in all the time I have known you, you've never raised your voice like that. I mean, other than when your dad used to… " Alice's words trailed off.

"Edward," Esme said, coming back toward me and taking a seat on the ground. "The fact that you let her in the house and then let her touch you, and want her to touch you again, speaks volumes. I don't want to say that you are going to lose your fears and phobias and will be able to commune with general society, but I do think that you shouldn't shy away from the feelings. This is a stepping stone for you, Edward. Invite her into your life. You may be surprised."

"Aunt Esme, even… even if this was a good idea, to 'invite' her into my life; I doubt she would want to. She is beautiful, and sweet and kind, so why would she want me? Why would anyone want me? I'm so messed up."

"Oh, Edward, you are not messed up, you're just different."

I had heard that so many times before. I knew I was right, they were wrong. I was fucked up and that was just that.

I was sure I looked like a little boy, pouting mid temper tantrum, but I didn't care. My family surrounded me, while I sat on the floor in the spot where I touched her and in that moment, I _was_ a helpless little boy.

I hadn't a clue what to do other than hide.

* * *

><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

**To: Edward Masen**

**From: Isabella Swan**

**Date: Friday, May 20th 2011 10:52AM**

**Subject: Hey**

_Haven't heard from you since I was there getting my laptop fixed the other day. I just wanted to see how things were going. Figured you've been busy or something… but get back to me._

_Bella_

_Isabella Swan_

_Attorney at Law with Cullen, Volturi, and Denali_

To: Edward Masen

From: Isabella Swan

Date: Friday, May 20th 2011 5:47 PM

Subject: Re: Hey

_I'm heading home for the weekend… but I wanted to check in with you before I left. I was hoping I would hear from you before I left, but I guess not. _

_I hope everything is okay._

_B_

_Isabella Swan_

_Attorney at Law with Cullen, Volturi, and Denali_

I went home with Edward on my mind. I hadn't heard from him since Tuesday. At first I thought maybe he was busy working, but then, after the moment we shared, I worried it was something more.

I spent the whole weekend thinking about it. I typed and deleted many messages to him on my phone. I even stopped myself a few times from getting in my car and going to his house.

I sat and tried to reason why I _should_ versus why I _shouldn't_ go. In the end I realized, if he freaked when he was expecting me, how would he react if I just showed up, unexpected? So I stayed at home, worried about him. I dreamt about him, about his hands on mine. It wasn't just a basic physical connection; the physical and emotional connections were intense.

The feeling that ran through my body at his slight touch was more than I had gotten from being completely physical with other men.

I fell asleep Sunday night thinking of nothing but Edward. Jake curled up against me and comforted me as I again dreamt of Edward. My dreams were vivid of us; together at a deeper level than anyone I had ever been with before.

Sitting in traffic Monday morning, I pulled my phone out. It was the thirtieth time that morning I had checked to see if he had left a message … and maybe the five-hundredth since Friday evening.

Traffic wasn't moving, so I decided I needed to try again. I gave him days; I wasn't turning stalkerish, was I?

**To: Edward Masen**

**From: Isabella Swan**

**Date: Monday, May 23th 2011 7:28 AM**

**Subject: Are you okay?**

_Edward - _

_I held back this weekend. I wanted to come and make sure you were okay. I know there is something different about you, it is obvious, but… shit… you felt that, didn't you? You had to have. We touched and it was as if the whole world stopped around us. _

_I don't want to make it out to be something more than it was, but it _was _something. Please just tell me you are okay. _

_I can't get you off my mind._

_B_

_Isabella Swan_

_Attorney at Law with Cullen, Volturi, and Denali_

_Sent with my AT&T Blackberry_

I managed the rest of the drive without looking at my phone again. It was hard, but I knew that it wouldn't make him reply. Plus, with my messages, I was slowly turning desperate.

I can't get you off my mind. Desperate.

Unable to not stop pushing the thumb button on my phone to see if he replied, I threw my blackberry into the back seat of the car. On the passenger side, so I couldn't reach it, but it was the only way I was able to fight checking for a reply.

Pathetic and desperate.

Once to work, I walked around to the back passenger door and got my phone.

I dropped my head down and rested it against the door frame.

Still nothing and I didn't know why it was affecting me so badly. The normal bounce in my step was gone. I didn't want to say I was overreacting, because I wasn't…I was worried and I missed him.

I know our interactions had been limited, but I considered Edward to be more than just a co-worker. More than just an acquaintance. He was just more and I didn't know why.


	6. Chapter 6

Time to get a bit more information about Edward...

**Life Support**

The knock on my office door pulled me out of my daydream. I was thinking about Edward again, and only allowing myself to think about him in an attempt to not seem pathetic. I tried my hardest not to email, or call, or send a telegram… I needed to hear from him.

No one had ever gotten to me like this.

"Isabella, are you okay?"

"Huh? Yes. Sorry."

Carlisle Cullen, whom I had now seen more in the last two weeks than I had in all the time I worked at the firm, stood in the doorway to my office. "Mind if I sit?"

I stood, figuring it was polite, and well, he owned the fucking company, so I needed to show respect.

"Yes, please." I pointed to the chair and Carlisle took a seat. He sat, looking relaxed in the chair on the other side of my desk.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Cullen?"

"Please, call me Carlisle, and I think you know what you can do for me."

I cocked my head to the side and raised an eyebrow at him. "Actually, I'm not one hundred percent sure. Is there a new case I need to start work on? I thought I was up to date…" My words faded as I started shuffling papers on my desk.

Carlisle chuckled. "No, no case. It's Edward. I need you to do something for Edward."

I sat up straighter in my chair and my ears perked up. "What about him, sir? I mean, he fixed my laptop and I'm not sure what I can do…" My words trailed off. I didn't want to get into my feelings on this. Edward was his nephew, yes, but he was still my boss.

"Isabella, he let you touch him. He hasn't moved from the spot where you two stood since it happened, other than to eat and use the facilities."

"Wha-"

I didn't get it.

"Isabella, Edward might get mad that I am telling you this, but look, my nephew has problems. We, my wife and I, have tried to work with him for years. Nothing ever helped. He has always had trouble with people. His mother indulged his desire for a sheltered life. I love my sister, rest her soul, but she didn't help the situation. My brother-in-law shunned his son for not wanting to be a social person, which made Edward withdraw even more.

"When they passed away, the little bit Edward would socialize ended and he pulled back even from the family."

I could feel the moisture in my eyes, my hand to my face, covering my mouth. I wanted to cry for him.

"Edward has finally gotten used to us being around more and more. We are only normally at his house in small doses. My wife, Esme, will visit him once or twice a week and the rest of us maybe once a week at the most. But still, we only touch him if it's necessary, and it almost never is." Carlisle stopped and ran his hands through his hair, something I had seen Edward do. "But then, you come in and you touch him and he's okay with it."

"He wasn't really okay with it. I walked in his house and he just about lost it, sir. I was sure that was the reason why I hadn't heard back from him. Because he was upset or worse with me. I figured I offended him."

"No, Isabella it's because he is sitting there, waiting for you to come back, or something. We're not sure. Esme is a therapist, but she isn't sure what's going on. When you walked in there, something changed. Don't get me wrong, it's not that he's cured, but something shifted in his mind when he met you."

"What can I do?" I asked.

"Come to his house again? Please?" he requested.

I tried to hold back my excitement and desire to see Edward again. "Does he want me to?"

"I don't know. He isn't really talking much. He keeps telling us that he has to be in that spot to feel you. And I know by telling you this I am probably making you not want to go, but look, I hired you. I know all about you; from when you were a kid and you ran away from home until college when you had one too many and slept on the campus lawn. I know everything about you, Isabella, and I know you are an amazing person. You changed everything about you from that freshman year, you moved forward. You found the good in the bad; you helped the hungry in Africa on your summer off. You are not the typical four-point-oh Yale graduate. You are something more and that is why I hired you.

"Helping my nephew and family out is not part of the job that I hired you for, but I would appreciate it if you would."

I nodded my head. Wow, why did that one interaction mean so much to him? How did I, someone who is not _that_ amazing of a person, as Carlisle had painted me, hold a possible better future for Edward? This was a lot to take in.

"Just think about it. You don't have to decide now." He stood to leave. He gave me a quick nod of the head before he turned on his heel to leave the room.

"Mr. Cullen?"

"Yes, Isabella?"

"You say he doesn't leave?"

"Yes."

"Ever?"

He turned back and looked at me. He placed his hands on the back of the chair he had just been sitting in. "The last time Edward left was for his parents' funeral and he was heavily sedated. He more than likely doesn't recall it at all. Before that was when he moved into that house."

"How long ago did they die?"

"Eleven years or so ago."

"Wow."

"Tell me about it. Please, take the time to think about this. I know it is a strange request and I don't expect you to get him to leave his house and live a normal life, but if he can open up to just one person that isn't related to him, would be," Carlisle paused. He took a deep breath, "Isabella, if you could get Edward to open himself up to just you, words can't even describe what it would mean."

I nodded my head at him. No other words were said, but I was sure he knew what I would do.

Carlisle nodded back as he wiped his cheek before he left my office.

A day had passed since Carlisle sat in my office. To say I thought about what he had told me was an understatement. I wanted to help Edward so badly. I wanted to make him a happier person, and if I was the one that was able to do that, I didn't want to hold back.

I sat in my car down the street from his house in jeans and a hoodie. I left work early, just for this, to go see Edward.

Before I left I stopped by Carlisle's office to let him know of my plans. He told me that was fine and that there had been no change in Edward. He still sat on the floor, waiting.

Now I sat in my car, waiting. I wanted to go to him, to wrap my arms around him and make things better. But I wasn't sure how I was supposed to do that.

God, I was scared.

What if I ended up not being what he wanted? What if I couldn't help him? What if I walked in and he still didn't move, or worse yet, he wouldn't let me touch him?

I sat in my car thinking over and over the 'what ifs' of the situation for a good hour.

I jumped at the knock against my car window.

Alice.

I lowered the window, not acknowledging her in any other way.

"Carlisle said you were coming. I was waiting for you to pull in before I left him, but then you didn't show. I have to get back to the salon and I saw you parked here. What's the matter?"

I looked up at her and she looked torn. Last time I saw her she looked confident, but now she looked unsure.

"What if I'm not what he needs? What if you all think I am it, but I end up not being it, then what?"

"Bella... I can call you Bella, right?"

I nodded.

"Good. It's just, that's what Edward calls you and I know it's Isabella, but I wanted to make sure... and now I am off on a tangent. Okay, Bella, look. I have known Edward a very, very long time. We grew up as neighbors and I was always part of the family even before I married Jasper. I still am only allowed to touch him when I'm cutting his hair. No other time, and even then, I touch the hair, not his scalp. Look, just give it a shot. It will work out."

I let out a long sigh. "Okay, I will"

"Wonderful!" Alice enthused. "The front door is unlocked. He is, well, right where you last saw him. I will be back later if needed. Give me a call or text and let me know." She handed me a folded up piece of paper. "I planned on giving you this at the house, but well, yeah. I will talk to you later. You'll do great, Bella."

Alice reached in through the window and squeezed my shoulder with her hand. "See ya, Bella."

I watched Alice walk back to her car before I drove the rest of the way to Edward's house. The lawn was mowed, trees trimmed, hedges clipped. If you didn't know better, you would never know the man that lived there never left.

I slowly walked up the drive. I knocked lightly on the front door, not wanting to let myself in unannounced, but after waiting a minute with no answer I tried the knob.

Just as Alice said, it was unlocked. I slowly opened the door. "Edward," I called. "It's me, Bella. I'm going to come in. If you don't want me to, please let me know."

I heard nothing.

I opened the door the rest of the way, and there in the middle of the floor was Edward. He looked horrible. He was lying there, his hand pressed against the tile. His face was turned to the side, his hair a disheveled mess. It fell onto his face and the surrounding tile. He was still in the same clothes that he had on last week.

He really hadn't gotten up for anything, including a shower.

"Edward, are you okay?"

Nothing.

I could see he was still breathing, so that was a plus.

"Edward, it's Bella. Can you look at me?"

Nothing.

I closed the door, finally, realizing that no matter what, I wasn't going anywhere, at least not for a while. I kicked off my tennis shoes and walked toward him.

"Edward, is it okay if I sit next to you?"

Nothing.

I walked around him and took in his overall appearance. Still as stunningly beautiful as ever.

His eyes were open. He was fully awake and aware, but not. Maybe he was lost in his mind, but he was with me. He was awake, but not acknowledging me at all.

"I'm going to sit down now."

I sat at his side, near his head. He blinked, but his eyes didn't move up to me. It was like he didn't even see me.

"Amazing," he mumbled.

"What is?"

"I must be hallucinating. I can hear her, see her. Bella."

"I'm here."

"You can't be. You can't be here. You wouldn't come back."

"I did."

He talked so calmly. His words were firm, he didn't stutter. He was comfortable… wherever in his head he was.

I had no knowledge of mental illness and obviously, to never leave your home you have to have one.

_What have I gotten myself into?_

"Edward, I _am_ here. It's Bella. I'm here."

He closed his eyes and opened them, then repeated the movement.

"Can't be." He mumbled something that sounded like 'they're tricking me,' before he closed his eyes.

"I'm here, Edward. I really am. Let me prove it." I lowered my hand from my lap to the cool tile floor. I inched my fingers slowly closer to his. "I'm going to touch you. Stop me if you don't want me to."

He said something I couldn't quite make out, but I didn't care. I needed to do this. For him, for me.

I moved my hand the rest of the small distance and we were touching, lightly at the fingertips. It was a small contact, but the feeling I felt being near to him again was more than I could explain. I felt surrounded by him.

As soon as Edward registered that it was really me, that I was there, touching him, his eyes snapped to my face, his hand moved and wrapped completely around mine. The expression that he had held when I first walked in was gone. He looked, dare I say it, happy.

"Bella?"

"Edward?"

He moved quickly to sitting, never letting go of my hand. "Rrreally?"

"Really." I smiled at him and he smiled back.

God, his smile could melt me.

"Ho-ow?"

"Carlisle asked me."

"Bb-but wa-why?" His grip on my hand was tight. I could tell he was trying to hold on for dear life.

"I emailed you, and I thought about you and I worried. You didn't answer, and then Carlisle told me about this." Edward lowered his head. "And I wanted to help. I want to be here with you. You have been on my mind nonstop since last week and I needed to come back. Even if he hadn't have asked me to, I would have come. For you."

Edward sucked in a ragged breath. "R-really?"

"Really."

His eyes bore deeply into mine. With anyone else, I would have felt self-conscious, but with him, I felt perfect.


	7. Chapter 7

**I don't think I am fully express how much I appreciate all of the reviews for this story. I think the love this time around is more than it was the first time. I have seen how stupid I was by leaving. You all make the bad feels go away and only bring good ones. xoxo**

**Life Support**

**EPOV**

She is here!

What?

She is here!

Holy shit, she is here. She came back. She came back for _me_.

She came back because she wanted to be _here_.

With me.

She _wants_ to be with me.

My head was spinning and I was holding Bella's hand, probably a bit too tight, but I didn't want to let go. Not now, not yet. Maybe not ever.

I knew Bella made me act different. Something about her made me feel something I had never felt before, and I loved it!

We sat in silence, looking at one another. She was in jeans and a sweater. She looked beautiful. Bella in a skirt and heels as I saw her last week was gorgeous, but in jeans and a sweater, relaxed, she was amazingly beautiful...and perfect.

"Hey, why don't we get you off the floor?" she asked.

"I, uh… " I didn't want to get up. This was our spot. Our place.

"Edward, I'll move with you. We can sit on the couch and it will be far comfier."

I nodded and removed my hand from hers so I could stand, but once on my feet, I reached for her once again.

I led her to my couch. I let her sit on the couch and I sat in the chair next to it.

Holding her hand was one thing, but I didn't think I would be able to touch her on any other level, so I needed the distance.

"Edward?" Her voice was quiet and airy.

"B-bee-ella?" My voice cracked three times trying to say the simple two syllables of her name. I was less nervous sitting on the floor where we first connected than here, just ten feet away.

"Take some deep breaths, okay?"

I nodded my head and did just as she asked. She didn't move her hand from mine, she didn't try to get any closer; she just sat there and looked into my eyes.

Her eyes were beautiful. This rich caramel looking color. Brown but not too brown. Some people's eyes resemble mud with their brown. My father's, his were mud brown, but Bella's were rich and light and I could dive in and stare at them for hours. I never wanted to stare at anyone like I wanted to stare at her.

"See, you're doing beautifully. Keep at it, Edward."

Bella's words were relaxing and soothing and l couldn't have asked for someone better to be holding my hand. No one had ever just held my hand other than my mother, and that was many, many years ago.

I squeezed her hand just a little tighter than I had already been. I slowly moved my other hand toward where ours were already joined.

My breath caught in my throat and I closed my eyes as I moved my other hand to hers. My hand surrounded hers like a sandwich. I kept my eyes closed and I continued taking deep breaths.

"If it's too much, Edward… " Her words trailed off when I opened my eyes to look at her.

"I-it'ss not."

I took a few more deep breaths. I wanted to be able to talk to her without sounding like a complete idiot.

There was so much I wanted to ask her. So much I wanted to know, but more than anything was _why_?

I took a deep breath and tried my best to keep my heart beating slowly, but even the thought of talking to her made it speed up.

"Be-Bella?"

"Yes, Edward?"

The way she said my name made my heart speed faster. I took another deep breath. The last thing I wanted her to see was me having a panic attack. I was still embarrassed for the one I had with her over the phone.

Fuck, remembering that wasn't helping. My breathing sped up more.

"Slowly, Edward. Please breathe slowly."

I closed my eyes again and tightened the hold on her hands. "Why… " another deep breath. "Wwwhy aa-are yyyyou hh-here?"

"Because I care about you."

"B-but w-wa-why d-do yyy-yooou c-c-ccare?"

"Because you are a good man."

"Yyou d-don't know that-" I took a deep breath and felt confident that I was finally able to keep my words mostly together.

"Edward, I can tell. You didn't ask for this, but it is what it is and I want to be here for you. When Carlisle told me you hadn't moved, and when I realized that not a second had gone by since I last saw you where I didn't think of you, I knew I needed to come back."

I dropped my head. Of course Carlisle told her. Was she really only here because he asked her? Was the rest a lie? My nerves were in overdrive. So much for talking without sounding like an ass.

"Wo-woould yyy-you ha-have ccome if-if he hadn't asked?"

"Most definitely. I almost came over the weekend, but I didn't think it would be appropriate, and after how it was when I walked in last week, I didn't want to just show up."

"Bbbut yu-you ss-st-ttill did."

"Because I knew that you wanted me to." She smiled at me and the smile was readable all over her face. From her eyes to her chin. She was truly happy to be sitting here, just holding my hand.

* * *

><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

We held hands and it was so much more than you would expect by just holding hands. Words couldn't describe the feelings I felt, by having him simply hold my hand. For him I knew it was the most he had ever felt, for me it was more than I ever imagined a simple touch to feel like. Once he came to the realization that I wanted to be there, he seemed to relax, a little. Granted, Edward relaxing was still extremely stress ridden, because he was on edge constantly so it seemed.

The silence between us was calming. Normally, sitting across from someone you hardly know, while holding their hand in complete silence, would be nerve-racking, but with Edward it was soothing.

My phone ringing in my purse broke the serenity, and unfortunately, I had to answer the call.

"I'm sorry I have to get that."

He looked at me and I could see the pain emerge on his face. He closed his eyes and nodded his head. He removed his one hand from the sandwich he had made around mine. His other hand lingered on mine and I didn't want to remove it.

I didn't at all, but he dropped his hand and I was left, hand suspended midair, no longer touching him.

I quickly went to my phone and looked to see who it was.

The text was from my paralegal, Jessica: _Issue with the Carson suit. HELP!_

Fuck and shit! Carson was a huge client and if I could seal the case, I would have a secure job at the firm for as long as I wanted it. I quickly texted her back.

_Can't you handle it? It's one afternoon. I'm busy._

I knew in theory I could be committing career suicide, but if Carlisle knew my worth like he said he did, he would understand.

The choice I was making was for the long term, too, just not necessarily my long term. Selfless was what they called this, right?

My phone rang again. I looked at Edward, he looked broken apart and I hated that me being a mere ten feet away was doing that to him.

_Bella, if I could handle it, I wouldn't be messaging you._

Instead of messaging her back, I put a note to myself in my phone to fire her. Well, at least find out how I could go about having her removed as my paralegal.

Stupid incompetent bitch.

I was about to message her back, when my phone rang again.

This time it was an email.

**To: Isabella Swan**

**From: Carlisle Cullen**

**Date: Tuesday, May 24th 2011 1:14 PM**

**Subject: Carson Suit**

_Ms. Isabella,_

_It has come to my attention that you are being bothered for work duties while you are with my nephew. Please, take your time with him and I will attend to these matters. _

_Right now, he needs you more than we do. _

_I will see you tomorrow, Ms. Swan._

_Regards, _

_C_

_Carlisle Cullen_

_Head Partner Cullen, Volturi, and Denali Law Firm _

Well okay then. I emailed Carlisle back a quick thanks before texting Alice quickly to let her know all was well. Then, I silenced my phone and threw it back into my bag.

I turned to look at Edward. His head was in his hands. He looked as if he was crying, without the tears. The pain and anguish was there, just no moisture.

"I am so very sorry about that. Can I come back and sit by you?"

He didn't move. He didn't respond, as I slowly made my way back to him.

"Edward, please look at me."

Nothing.

I really didn't want to start back from the beginning every time we broke apart. I wanted to stomp my feet and yell at him. I wanted him to not sink back away from me. I wanted him to jump up and be happy at the fact I was back.

Instead, I sat back where I had been sitting, reached for him and pulled his hand from his face.

He lifted his head and smiled.

"Don't do that, Edward. Don't get upset when I have to walk away."

He broke eye contact and looked at his lap.

"Don't do that either. I want to be here, but sometimes I have to let go, but _know_ I _will_ come back every time."

He quickly glanced up at me.

"Edward, how about we do something? Will you show me around?"

His eyes got wide.

"Or how about a shower? You have been in these clothes for a week."

He looked away, then back at me. "Ma-maybe a g-good idea, huh?"

I nodded at him and reached for his other hand. He willingly let me take it. We walked side by side to the kitchen.

"Wa-waant a drink?"

"Sure, what do you have?"

He opened the fridge with his other hand. "Wa-waaater and Ccoooke."

"Water is fine."

He handed me the bottle and a thought entered my head. "Edward?"

He looked at me, his eyes welcoming. Maybe he was starting to warm up a bit.

"How do you get all this food here?"

He smiled and it was comforting to see. "Pp-eap-pod. Th-they dddeliv-ver."


	8. Chapter 8

**I may or may not have been a massive bum ass today and didn't get as much done on my re-read as I had planned, but I shall make up for it. I want to get this back posted as fast as I can, without being annoying. By annoying I mean over filling inboxes with updates.  
><strong>

**Life Support**

**EPOV**

Bella ended up staying for hours.

She sat on the other side of the bathroom door, talking about her dog while I showered. She told me how Jake had listened to her all weekend while she contemplated me. How she talked to the dog about the pros and cons of coming to be with me or not. It was unbelievably amazing how much thought she put into whether or not to come and be with me. It was calming, relieving. I relaxed slightly knowing how much thought she had put into being here. It helped to know that she really wanted to be with me.

I took my time in the shower, simply listening to Bella talk. Her voice was comforting, and being able to hear her, yet not be face to face was easier on me.

She talked of work, of growing up, of anything that seemed to come to her mind. Through it all, she never mentioned my issues.

As much as I loved to listen to her, I was dying to touch her again. I had _never_ wanted to touch anyone before, let alone missing it.

When I left the bathroom, in clean clothes, Bella was there. She was sitting on the floor, right where I left her when I walked in. As nervous I felt having her there, especially with me just out of the shower, she seemed so at ease with me. She seemed at ease in my house.

By me.

Even with my family, I don't think anyone had ever been as at ease with me as she was.

She stayed close, but not too close. She got me up, she got me moving, and she got me to realize that she would be back.

When it was time for her to leave, it tore me apart. She made a simple promise to come back tomorrow after court. As much as I didn't want to let her go, I knew I had to.

There was no way I could eat with her there. It wasn't that I never ate with other people around, but I spent so much energy focusing on my breathing and speech, I worried I would fall apart trying to maintain a calm facade.

Before she left, Bella held my hands in hers. She rubbed her thumbs over the tops of my hands. She told me that she was happy she came. Even though her words were small, her movements little for her, for me it was huge.

That night I slept with Bella again on my mind, only this time I was in my bed. I wasn't afraid to leave that spot on the cold tile anymore, because I knew she would be back.

Plus, now we had more than just one spot to call ours.

I woke the following day feeling far more confident than I ever had before in my life.

I rolled out of bed, happy, content and ready to see Bella. I knew it would be hours until I would get to see her again, but knowing I was going to, made it all worth it.

I sat at my desk, ready to return to work. I hadn't taken calls for two weeks, but I was ready. I needed to get back to my life. If I ever wanted to be with Bella, have a chance, learn to change, I needed to start small.

I logged onto my phone system and opened my email.

**To: Edward Masen**

**From: Isabella Swan**

**Date: Wednesday, May 25th 2011 6:23 AM**

**Subject: Good Morning**

_Edward –_

_I hope you slept well and were able to rest in your bed. _

_I enjoyed spending the time with you yesterday. _

_I am headed off to court, but I will be out of there by 4… I should be there by 5. _

_Should I bring anything with me?_

_Have a good day._

_B_

_Isabella Swan_

_Attorney at Law with Cullen, Volturi, and Denali_

_Sent with my AT&T Blackberry_

She was undeniably the sweetest woman, ever. I emailed her back that I didn't need her to bring anything but herself.

It took me a good twenty minutes to send the message off. I had seen movies, I was flirting in a very, for me, not so subtle way. It was nerve-racking.

Very frightening.

I knew she wanted to be there with me, but did she want to be there because she liked me, like really liked me, or because she felt sorry for me? I hoped it was because she really liked me. To have a friend that chose to be my friend instead of a family member forced into it was something I never imagined I would have.

Now that I had Bella, I hoped she would stay. I hoped I would get to keep her. I hoped to God I wasn't imagining all of this either.

When not on work calls, I cleaned my house. I wanted things perfect for Bella. If I couldn't be perfect, I wanted everything else perfect.

As planned, Bella came over. She brought Chinese, even though I told her not to bring anything.

We ate together. I stuttered often and blushed embarrassing shades of red, but she never once laughed at me. She never once rushed me through a sentence. She sat next to me, while I took my time getting comfortable in the situation, which I don't think I ever did. At least not that night.

By the time Bella left, I was dreading her going. She told me she wouldn't be back until the weekend and this fact alone upset me. I withdrew from her as she stood in the entry.

"Edward, don't. I _will_ be back, I just have a busy work week and then evening plans."

"B-but… " I wanted to ask her to forget about those plans. I wanted to ask her to stay, to forget about everything else but me. I had a spare room, she could stay, but I couldn't even comprehend why I would think to offer her that.

People staying with me like that had never been an option. Ever. Even in a different room, it would be too much in my space.

Maybe in time, but not yet. It was too much. The feelings I was already feeling were too much. No one other than my parents, and that was only because I had no other option, ever slept in the same home as me. To think to offer it to Bella… not possible.

"I will be back." She tightened her hold on my hand. "I promise. I just have some dinner plans that I can't back out of."

"Oh." I knew there was someone in her life. There had to be. With how amazing she was I couldn't imagine her not having someone.

I let her walk out, knowing she would be back. Praying she would be back. But even as much as I knew, and I prayed, my chest was tight, my hands shook, my legs felt weak. I took a few deep breaths to try and calm myself, but it didn't work.

I was upset and I didn't understand why. "Alice… " was all I got out once she picked up her phone.

I wasn't sure why I called her, but I knew she wouldn't judge me like Jasper and Emmett, and she wouldn't try and shrink me like Esme.

"Edward, is everything okay?"

"No," I whined. I knew I sounded like a kid, but shit, I felt like a kid. This was all new for me. I wasn't sure how to respond like an adult would.

"Do you need me to come over?" Alice was always more than willing to come to my aid. I appreciated her for that. Before Bella, Alice was all I had outside of my 'family'.

Emmett married Rosalie Hale, who was completely self-absorbed. She wanted nothing to do with me at all. Since Rose wasn't big on me, Emmett didn't come around like he used to. Jasper still came weekly, but he would never drop everything and come when I called. But Alice, she always showed up, no questions asked, when I needed her.

My silence to her question was all that she needed. "I'm on my way," Alice said and hung up.

Alice showed up to find me huddled on the couch. At least I moved from the spot where I stood when Bella left.

Alice came and sat on the other end of the couch from me.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Sh-she has someone."

"Who?"

"B-bella, s-she t-told me th-that," Why couldn't I calm down so I could tell her what I wanted to say? I never stuttered with Alice anymore. "Fuck!" I yelled.

"It's okay, Edward. Take your time. No need to rush yourself." Although Alice said the words to calm me, she talked at an unbelievably quick pace. She didn't have time for my issues. No one had time to deal with me.

I knew she wasn't meaning to make me feel rushed, but I was in a mood that was different for me. This all was something I had never experienced before. I took a deep breath, then another.

"S-She told m-me that she h-had a dinner planned wa-with ss-someone."

"Is that what is bothering you?" Alice tilted her head to the side, resting it on the couch.

"Y-yes."

"Oh my God, Edward!" Alice shrieked. She popped her head up and smiled.

I glared at her. Why was she excited when I was suffering?

"Edward, you are jealous. Awww, that's so sweet."

Jealous? The feeling I had was jealousy? I had never been jealous of anything before. I had never wanted anything before, at least before Bella. I wrapped my arms tighter around my legs. I pulled them up close to my torso before I rested my head on them.

Me, jealous? How did this happen? How did I go from wanting nothing but the safety of being alone, to wanting a beautiful woman I had no right desiring?

"Alice, how is this possible?" I mumbled into my legs. It was quiet for a minute. All I heard was the sound of my heart pounding.

"Edward, I don't know. I don't know, but don't fight it. You deserve to feel for once." The excitement in Alice's voice was intense.

"I don't deserve it with her," I mumbled.

Alice didn't respond, maybe she didn't know how to comfort me this time. This wasn't only new for me; it was new for her, too. Having to comfort me, Edward Masen, about a girl, was something none of us would have thought would happen.

I rocked back and forth with my arms still wrapped tightly around my legs. Alice sat next to me, silently watching me for a while. The last thing I remembered was her standing up, brushing the hair out of my face and covering me with a blanket.

I was so lost in my mind, on Bella, that I didn't even react when she touched me.


	9. Chapter 9

Nonita asked for more. And said please. I dig manners.

Here is more.

**Life Support**

Bella and I emailed back and forth over the next few days. I came to find out in email number sixteen that her dinner plans were with a close friend, Angela, and not another man. Relief flowed throughout my body. The tension was noticeable as it left me.

We went back and forth with casual emails until Friday afternoon when I got this:

**To: Edward Masen**

**From: Isabella Swan**

**Date: Friday, May 27th 2011 12:32 PM**

**Subject: Tell me…**

_Edward – _

_Something has been bugging me this week, so I have to ask you; why me?_

_It's not that I mind, so don't get me wrong it's just, why?_

_You have told me that you don't get why I am there, why I care, but why am I different than anyone else you have ever met? Why do you let me touch you? Why do you want me there when it is so obvious that you don't want anyone else?_

_You don't have to answer now, but please do answer. _

_While you think about that, tell me other things about you. Anything you want me to know._

_B_

_Isabella Swan_

_Attorney at Law with Cullen, Volturi, and Denali_

What the?

I stared at the words that she had sent. She wants to know why her? I didn't even know why.

I thought about her questions over and over. Why her, was like asking _why me_? Why so many things...

I rested my head on the top of my desk and thought... of her brown hair, her deep brown eyes. What about her made her inviting where others were not?

It wasn't like she was the only person I had come in contact with. There were the Peapod drivers for the last eleven years. Many of them were women, none of them made me want to touch them, or talk to them, or do much other than tip them.

No one from when I was a kid made me want to change my ways, ever.

It took me hours, but I finally formulated a reply.

**To: Isabella Swan**

**From: Edward Masen**

**Date: Friday, May 27th 2011 2:42 PM**

**Subject: Re: Tell me…**

_Bella,_

_I thought about your question for a while, and I don't know how exactly to answer you._

_The first time we talked on the phone, you did something to me. It was like being a kid all over again and meeting someone that you admired. I looked at the picture of you and Jake while I recovered the files and I knew that if I was to ever leave the house, I would want to leave it for you. That is why I panicked._

_Then, after I met you and we were face to face, I saw something in you. It was something that I wanted to see again. _

_I don't know why I reacted to you, but I am happy that I did. I hope you are as well._

_Edward Masen_

_Tech Support _

_Cullen, Volturi and Denali Law Firm_

The message was typed out and I stared at it. Did I really want to tell her this? Did I want to answer her? I closed my eyes and clicked 'send'.

Right after I sent it, I logged out of the phone system for work. I was done taking calls. I was ready to pass out, or freak out.

Why did I send that to her? It's not that I answered her, because I still wasn't sure how to, but I did tell her I was happy with her and that was enough.

I pulled my hands through my hair and tugged. That was unbelievably stupid.

I told her… gah!

I jumped up from my laptop and ran to the bathroom. I hardly made it there before I was dry heaving in the toilet.

With my head hung over the toilet I decided that I could hack the server, delete the email and Bella would never know.

Right?

Right.

I jumped up, washed my mouth out and headed back to my laptop, but I was too late. Sitting in my inbox was another message from Bella.

**To: Edward Masen**

**From: Isabella Swan**

**Date: Friday, May 27th 2011 2:45 PM**

**Subject: Re: Re: Tell me…**

_Edward – _

_I am very happy. _

_See you tonight._

_B_

_Isabella Swan_

_Attorney at Law with Cullen, Volturi, and Denali_

I sat back with a thud. Well, okay then.

I took a few deep breaths. I needed to relax. Shit, why is it so much easier to say, 'just relax,' than it is to actually do it?

My heart was pounding. I could hear it loud in my ears. Bella was going to be here in a few hours and I needed to relax, badly.

I did the only thing I could think of that would calm me; I went and lay on the floor in our spot.

I woke to knocking on the door. I was still curled in the fetal position, in my entryway. The sun was low as it shone through the windows.

There was another knock, then a jingle of the door knob.

"Edward, are you in there?" Another knock. "Edward!" Bella was yelling. There was panic in _her_ voice. With everything that has happened in the last few weeks, she never panicked. "Edward!" A pause. "Fuck! Edward," a loud knock, "open the door. Please… open the door."

I rolled from our spot, and instantly felt cold, hollow, without.

I walked to the door and opened it. The sun hit my eyes full on and it hurt. I hadn't opened the door in days, or looked outside.

Bella was my sun. With her I had all I needed… before her, I never needed anything or wanted anyone.

"Never mind, Alice. He opened the door." Relief flooded Bella's features as she ended her call with Alice. "Are you okay?"

I nodded, still feeling tense, even though I had just taken a nap. I didn't trust my voice quite yet.

"Edward, you look… like shit." She reached her hand out to me and got it as close to my face as she could without touching. I could feel the warmth radiating off of her.

It felt good. I wanted more. I placed my hand on hers and pushed it to my face. Her touch was light. Shock covered her face at my movement.

"Ma-mmmissed you."

"I missed you too, Edward."

I stepped back, dropping her hand from my face, but not letting go of it.

She closed the door behind her and stopped. I kept walking until I felt the resistance.

"Wa-wa-whatt?"

"Something happened. I can tell. Talk to me. I emailed you again to check about dinner, but you didn't answer. You always answer. Then I show up and you look like you've been to Hell and back. Talk to me."

How did I tell her that I felt stupid for unveiling my feelings to her? How did I tell her that I shouldn't have told her that? How do I know if she really feels the same way? How do I know that she didn't mean, 'It was nice to meet you, you're a great friend, but nothing more. Just friends'.

The thought alone hurt to know that she might not feel the same. That I have gotten attached just for her to take off.

I hadn't seen her in days, and it hurt me so badly that I hadn't been with her. If I was normal, I could have gone to dinner with her, or to her client's exhibit at the museum. I would have gone anywhere, as long as I was still with her, if I was normal.

"B-bbelllllla, I-I'm too bb-brro-oken." I blew out a breath of frustration.

She took the two steps toward me and we were face to face. I could feel her almost touching me everywhere.

I took a half step back. It was too much.

"Edward, you're not. You _are_ perfect." She placed her hand on my face, then she removed her other hand from mine and placed it on my face as well.

My breathing hitched.

Too much.

"Look into my eyes, Edward." I did as I was told. "You are amazing. You are perfect. Yes, there are things about you that are different, but I wouldn't want you any other way. I am happy I got you on the phone that day. I am happy you let me in to your life. I hope as time goes on, you will let me in even more."

She moved her thumbs on both hands just a little. The movement was small, the sensation was huge.

"B-bbella." The sound my voice made sounded unlike me, but I knew it came from me.

"Edward, don't push me away. Don't lock yourself down. I want you just the way you are."

My breathing sped up again. I knew I was over analyzing her words once again but I couldn't walk away and calm down this time. She was right here, her hands were on me. I was stuck.

Our connection broke when my knees gave out and I fell.

"Edward!" Bella yelled. I fell too quickly; there was no way for her to hold on to me.

I slumped to the floor and wrapped my arms around my head.

"Edward, Edward? Wh-what did I do?" The panic was again clear in Bella's voice. She dropped to her knees in front of me. "Deep breaths, Edward. Deeper."

She took my hands in hers. "Breathe in, honey. Just deep breaths." My breathing hitched with her words. I sucked in a breath and held it. Oh, my.

"Relax. Close your eyes, and relax."

I closed my eyes like she told me to. I heard her voice and felt her touch. Her hands moved over mine. Her words were soft, soothing with a touch of worry.

"Edward, it's okay. Just breathe with me." Her fingers moved up my arms. "Breathe." Back down my arms. "That's it, honey. Keep it up." I sucked in a shaky breath, trying to block out the terms of endearment. Her hands… back up my arms, around my elbows. I blocked out her touching and listened to her voice. "I can tell you are calming down… that's it, Edward. Beautiful, sweetheart." I squeezed my eyes shut tighter. I felt myself shake against my will.

She took a deep breath. "Oh my, that's what it is."

She removed her hands from me. I opened my eyes and looked at her. Bella sat back on her butt, "I'm so sorry, Edward. I didn't mean to make it worse."

I wrapped my arms over my head and took a few deep breaths. Anyone else would run away with her sweet words, I instead collapsed in on myself.

Bella was silent next to me, but even with her not making contact, I could feel her presence.

"I-it's nau-not yyour f-fault." I sucked in a breath. "I-I-I ju-just, fuuck!" I closed my eyes and took a few more breaths. "I-I-I just," another breath, "d-don't ha-handle th-tthat well." I took a deep breath and blew it out.

I fucking suck. I hate this.

"Edward," I felt her hand on mine. I looked up at her. Her eyes were pained. "I just don't know what to do. I wish I knew how to make this easier for you. I have never wanted someone in my life like I want you in it." Oh my. "I just wish I could make you be able to accept what I want to offer instead of it hurting you."

She pulled our hands up. Mine were on her face; her hands holding mine up. There was wetness on her cheek.

"D-ddon't ccrry, Bella."

She forced a smile and sucked her lower lip between her teeth. "Don't you cry either, Edward. I want you happy. I want you to get used to me. You said there was something special about me; don't shy away from whatever it is."


	10. Chapter 10

I feel the need to say, I wrote this when I was pregnant. Well at least part of it I was pregnant for as I wrote it. Now, my son is singing Bruno Mars - Just the Way You Are. What a cute little baby. I share I was pregnant as it was written, because I had moments in the original author notes where I was a total sap ass. There were moments where the story was very sappy as well. But this Edward needed some sap. To all of you who said please and thank you, I fell asleep last night and wasn't able to post another chapter. I will try and make up for it today.

**Life Support**

"Wa-what d-do you wwant to do?"

"Whatever you normally do on your days off." She looked at me with such love. It killed me to think that. After Friday night, we sat and talked. When I got to the point where my head was dizzy and I thought that I might puke, I went to typing to her, I wrote the answers to her questions. She sat at one laptop, I sat at the other. She would read what I had to say, then ask another question.

She asked me if I wanted her to type as well, but I told her no, I wanted to hear her voice. I needed to hear it.

We talked about everything from our favorite movies to our favorite flavor of ice cream.

"Wa-well, I d-don't norma-normally have people over." She had been here Saturday and Sunday and now with Monday a holiday, she was here again.

She smiled and giggled. "Well, from now on, whenever you want me, you have someone to come over."

Her smile was contagious, because I smiled right back at her. I couldn't help myself, even if I wanted to.

I wanted to tell her it was good. I wanted to tell her that made me happy. I wanted to tell her so much. Instead, I took her hand and led her to the kitchen.

"I-I kn-know I t-told yy-you," I paused to take a breath. Why couldn't I just do something nice and be able to talk normally and not make an ass of myself?

Bella took her hand and brushed my cheek. "Deep breaths and take your time."

I nodded and closed my eyes. "I k-know I told y-you that I d-didn't understand y-your lo-love of pis-pistachio ice cr-cream, but," I opened my eyes, opened the freezer and handed her a tub. "For you."

She held her hand out and took the tub. "For me?"

I nodded.

"Edward, that is amazing and unbelievably sweet of you." She took my hand in hers and squeezed it tight.

"Well, while on the topic, I have something that you just might like. Now my gift is not nearly as awesome as yours, because I am not as awesome as you," my breathing hitched, "but it's back in the other room."

She took my hand in one of hers, the tub of ice cream in the other. She stopped at the drawer with the spoons and grabbed two and led me to the living room.

"You will see why pistachio is so good today, Mr. Masen," she said as she winked at me. She set everything down on my coffee table before letting go of my hand.

I watched Bella as she went to where her purse lay on the table by the front door. Her back was to me and I couldn't help but to stare. She turned back and held something in her hand. My curiosity was piqued like a kid on Christmas, waiting to open my gifts.

"I wanted to give you this. It's just something I had sitting around the house, but I thought you should have it. It means a lot to me, just like you do."

She opened her hand and inside of her palm was a small key.

"Wh-what does it open?"

"My diary. I figured if anyone should know all my secrets it should be you. It holds my deepest, darkest, and then some. I have two keys, and I want you to have one."

Her smile was real. Priceless. I kept my breathing even. In and out.

She reached out and dropped it into my hand.

This was far better than some ice cream.

* * *

><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

It may have been the stupidest gift ever, but he seemed to love it. I debated giving it to him at all, but once he gave me ice cream - the ice cream that he laughed at me about just two nights earlier - I knew I had to give him something in return.

He smiled at me, wrapping his hand tightly around the key. His breathing stayed even. I had gotten better at paying attention to that. It was a good way to see what I could and couldn't say. What would excite him, or worry him, or just scare him.

I knew from a short but informative talk with Alice on Saturday morning that Edward had always been this way. It wasn't due to abuse or neglect, he just was different. He never liked people, never liked school, although he was one of the smartest in his class.

She told me he self-taught himself from sixth grade on and once he was in high school, he home schooled himself most of the time.

I had worried that something had happened to him to cause him to shy away, but once I knew it wasn't the case I pushed the limits more. I wanted to know that if I stuck around, he would learn to welcome me in more and more.

"Bella, th-this is per-perrrfect."

He reached out his other hand that wasn't around the key to take mine.

"Y-you are perrrfffect, B-bella." He pocketed the key and led me back to the couch. "Wwanna wa-watch a moovie?" He clicked on the TV and turned it to the premium channels.

After a debate of what we both viewed as good versus bad in the way of movies, we settled on 'Open Water'. It wasn't something I had seen before, but Edward told me that after watching it, I would see why he was a firm believer on not leaving the house.

Before diving into the ice cream, I managed to get Edward to agree to try it. He insisted on getting bowls for us. Either he didn't think that I would eat the whole container, or he didn't want to share my possible germs. Either way, he tried it and that's what mattered. New things are a positive.

We ate our ice cream as the movie started. I heard a light moan from Edward that told me he did now understand the pistachio love I had.

Thankfully, I finished my ice cream before the couple in the movie realized they were left for dead.

It was at that point I cuddled as close to Edward as I could without his breathing changing.

I stayed like that until the very end, after a boat went back out, and the shark was found and cut open with the camera and dive equipment inside of it.

As the credits ran, I looked at Edward; we were practically face to face. The closest I had gotten to him since Friday night when he freaked out.

"All that did was make me never want to go diving." My voice was shaky.

My heart pounded and my toes curled knowing that I was a girl, sitting next to a very attractive guy, who was slowly _maybe_ getting over the fact that he was a guy that didn't handle having people in his personal space.

"B-b-b-bbella."

"Edward."

I wanted to kiss him, I wanted to bridge the very small gap that there was between us, but I knew better of it. Plus, I was sure he would have a heart attack if I did.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and pulled myself away from him.

"Wh-where are you going?" he asked as I stood up.

"Nowhere, other than moving away before my feelings get the best of me."

I heard him get up, he was right behind me. I could feel him. If I took a quarter of a step back, we would be flush, my back to his front. I couldn't do that. It wouldn't be right. Just a few weeks ago he didn't let anyone touch him. This had to be too much for him.

Right?

I stepped away from him, but he moved closer.

Wrong?

"B-bella, stttop."

I stood still; he moved close, but not so close to cause us to touch.

I could hear him take a few deep breaths behind me.

"St-stay still." He walked around me, but staying right in my personal bubble.

I took a deep breath and held it. I was face to face with him and he looked torn.

"What is it?"

"B-bella," he paused, took a deep breath and closed his eyes. I noticed things were easier for him when his eyes were closed. "Bella," he smiled, "I ww-want to ask you for something."

"Anything."

"I ww-want a hug."

To say I was shocked was an understatement. I was sure that my mouth was slack jawed and I looked like I had just been bitch slapped. Did he really just ask for that? The man that doesn't want to ever be touched asked for me to wrap my arms around him and hold him? Wasn't this too soon?

"Are you sure?"

He nodded. I could see the tension in his face. His lips were light and pulled taut, no color remained in them. His body was rigid, but he kept nodding.

"Okay."

I took a moment to prepare myself for the worst. He could panic, pass out, or worse. My worry was for him. I knew that he wouldn't hurt me. I knew that he would fold away within himself. That possibility alone scared me.

"You're sure? For real sure?"

He nodded again.

I nodded back, even though there was no way he would see. "Open your eyes. I want you to be expecting me; I don't want to shock you."

His eyes were open. The sea foam green eyes looked deeply into mine.

"Ready?"

"B-bella, jjjjust do it."

"Sorry."

Our eyes stayed locked, I closed the final gap between us. My arms found their way around Edward. He shook and was holding his breath, but he was okay.

"Remember to breathe."

Edward slowly moved his arms so they were wrapped around me. His hands were wide open to touch me in as many places as possible. His fingers lightly ran through the tips of my hair. He took a deep breath, breathing in the scent of my shampoo. He relaxed slightly, leaning more into me.

"You okay, Edward?"

"Mmmm," he whispered.

I let my hands move ever so slightly on his back. He sucked in a breath, but he quickly resumed his normal breathing.

We talked occasionally, never saying much. Just enough to let the other know the other was content in their location.

We stayed like this, our hands slightly moving on one another's backs until the sun started to lower in the sky. We had been there for what felt like hours, and it was Heaven on Earth. "Mmm, Edward?"

"Bella?" He said my name almost perfectly. I was jumping on the inside with excitement.

"Why do we always come together in your entry way?"

"B-because it is sp-ppecial. This is our spot."

I pulled my head from where it was rested on his shoulder. I looked to the ground. I wasn't sure, but I knew that if he said it was, then it was. My feet were where his hand once lay and his feet where his head once lay. We were again in our spot.

**EPOV**

Oh, this was so much better than I had imagined.

The thought had been running through my mind for days, to hug Bella. Ever since Friday when I freaked out, and I could see her looking so broken apart, I knew I needed to give more.

With Bella, I always wanted more. Ever since that first time I saw her, I knew if I was to have the chance, I wanted more.

I spread my fingers out on her back, my right hand higher so it touched her hair, the left on her lower back. The feeling of her body pressed against mine was a feeling I had never experienced. Yes, my mother had hugged me, but the feeling of hugging my mother, and the feeling of hugging Bella, were entirely different.

Hugging Bella was like hugging the sun and having warmth brought into you.

It was perfect.

She moved her hands slowly on my back and the sensations that ran through my body were intense. It was like being touched all over at once.

Part of me hated it, wanted to ask her to stop, but the other part of me loved every ounce of it. It was all of the things I never thought I wanted, rolled into one.

To be touched.

To be loved.

To be wanted.

To feel and to be felt.

To have a companion, maybe.

She was all that and more.


	11. Chapter 11

**See you at the bottom instead...**

**Life Support**

**EPOV**

**To: Isabella Swan**

**From: Edward Masen**

**Date: Friday September 2nd 2011 6:42 PM**

**Subject: Missing you**

_Bella – _

_I just wanted to tell you that I am missing you. _

_I feel like I haven't seen you in weeks. _

_Miss you – _

_Edward_

_Tech Support _

_Cullen, Volturi and Denali Law Firm_

I hit send and waited.

I knew that her plane should have landed; she would be on her way. Soon.

My computer dinged and I saw the email from Bella.

A smile formed on my face as I opened the email.

**To: Edward Masen**

**From: Isabella Swan**

**Date: Friday September 2nd 2011 6:45 PM**

**Subject: Re: Missing you**

_Edward – _

_I miss you tons too! I just got my luggage and I can't wait to see you. Face to face. As nifty as Skype is, it doesn't do the real thing justice. _

_Tell Carlisle I'm never taking business trips again. =D_

_I will be there in twenty, should I bring dinner?_

_B_

_Isabella Swan_

_Attorney at Law with Cullen, Volturi, and Denali_

I emailed her back that dinner was taken care of, just to come home.

Home, now that was a thought.

I had ordered in dinner and it was warming in the oven. I had the table set, candles ready to be lit; now I just needed Bella.

She had been away on a business trip for ten days. It had been Hell for the both of us, but in that time, I had come to a lot of conclusions.

I might be able to love. I had been thinking of the possibility of it before she left, but with her gone, I knew that there was more. She never pushed me into a physical relationship, but she was always there when I wanted to hold her just a little longer.

We had yet to kiss, and I knew that it was driving her insane. How are you committed to someone, yet the only physical contact you have is holding their hand, or getting a hug?

I had never been with a woman, but I knew she had been with men, and that by being with me, she was ignoring something she wanted. Something she had gotten used to in her previous relationships.

I wanted to be there with her always. Don't get me wrong, I was in no way ready to jump on a plane and fly to New York, but I did want to be everywhere she was, always. So while she was gone, I worked on the possibility of that.

To give her what she needed, I needed to work on _being_ what she needed.

I heard her car pull up and I pushed back any fear I had about this evening. I was what she needed, she had told me so over and over. I just wish it was easier for me to believe.

I lit the candles on the table just as the door opened.

"Edward, where are you?" I heard Bella yell.

"In here." Even with all the anxiety I felt about tonight, I managed to spit that out with no trouble. Maybe I was more confident than I thought.

Bella rounded the corner and her jaw dropped. "What is all this?"

"It's a date. Is it okay?" Maybe I wasn't that confident.

"It's more than okay." A smile graced Bella's face. She dropped the two bags she was holding and walked toward me.

She stopped a few inches away. She still had a hard time initiating a hug. She worried about my reaction.

"Come to me, Bella. I've missed you so much." My arms were outstretched, welcoming her into them. She nearly jumped into my arms as she wrapped hers around me.

"God, I've missed you, Edward. I don't ever want to be away from you like this again."

"Me too, Bella. Me too."

I held her in my arms, something that no longer bothered me, until the oven dinged, letting me know dinner was done.

I tightened my hold on her before releasing her.

Damn, it was good to have her back.

Now if I could make it through dinner, we would be in luck.

I served Bella the Chicken Parmesan that I cooked before sitting across from her. We talked about her trip, about the client and the pending trial. She was hopeful that since she was second chair, she wouldn't have to go back for the trial itself.

I told her I hoped the same. I couldn't bear her being away for possibly months. The thought honestly frightened me.

We were just finishing up dinner and I knew it was now or never. I couldn't delay this much longer or I would lose any nerve I had.

I got the carton of pistachio ice cream, some spoons and took Bella to the couch. The couch was comfier; it was safer, because I was scared. I almost took her to the entry, but I thought against that.

"B-bella?"

She looked at me with concern. I hadn't stuttered in over a month. "What's wrong, honey?"

I took in a deep breath and held it. It wasn't because of her calling me 'honey', I was truly out of my element with what I was about to ask.

I closed my eyes and was about to spit out my question, but I knew that if my eyes were closed, she wouldn't believe it was what I wanted. So, I opened them and looked into hers.

"B-bella," deep breath, "stay with me."

"What?" Her eyes went wide, she was shocked. Hell, even I was shocked.

"Will you, st-stay with me? Tonight?" Inside, part of me was jumping with excitement; the other part was scared shitless.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." My answer was firm. Scared or not, I knew what I wanted.

"Okay, but if you change your mind-"

"I won't."

Bella moved a tiny bit closer, closing the gap between us. "Is this okay?"

"B-bella, if you are going to stay the night, it has to be okay."

She rested her head on my chest, over my heart, her hand on the right side. "Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"The ice cream is melting."

I looked to the table and sure enough, it was. "I don't care." I put my hand in her hair and slowly ran my fingers through it.

We sat in silence for a while. I had thought maybe Bella had fallen asleep, and if she had, I would have stayed there all night with her. But then she broke the silence. "Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"What are you thinking about right now?" She turned her head slightly, burying her head in my arm pit.

"About you." My heart rate picked up just slightly. Bella moved her head back to my chest. I was sure she could tell the difference.

"What about me?" She moved her hand down my chest to my stomach.

I took a deep breath. Now or never, right?

"About how much I think I love you."

I could feel her face move, and she hiccupped, and then my shirt felt damp.

"That's good, because I love you too," she said with a shaky voice.

We stayed the night on the couch. I was proud of myself for being able to lie there with her, side by side, touching completely for the whole night. When I woke I was face to face with my angel. She saved me. Not a doubt in my mind on that. I ran my hand over her cheek, pushing the hair back that had fallen into her face.

She stirred a bit and sucked in a breath. "Morning, sunshine," she said in a sleepy voice.

"Morning, Angel." It was the first time I called her anything but Bella. It was time to show I was able to do this.

Her eyes popped open. "I like that." She smiled at me.

"Good, because I do too."

Bella rolled and stretched and it was a sight to see. Her shirt rose a tad and I ran my hand over the exposed flesh. I had never touched her there before. She sucked in a breath and then looked at me in a brand new way.

"Edward, I see while I was away you managed to come to some terms. For that I am proud of you, so very proud, but please don't do that or things may get difficult for us."

"What?" And then it clicked, the thing I couldn't do for her, at least not yet. "Ohhh. Sorry."

I have to remember, I can't initiate things I can't provide.

"Edward, it's okay. In time. Take your time. I'm willing to wait."

I nodded but I couldn't look at her. I felt like Bella was waiting for something that would never happen. Now it felt like everything I had worked on wasn't enough. I wanted to bang my head on the wall and scream in frustration; but I couldn't, because I had things I wanted to show and share with her.

I excused myself to get my bearings. I wanted to show her the one thing that I had worked on the whole time she was gone. I had been working on it before she left, but with her away, I was able to focus all my attention on it.

I pocketed the small key in my pants pocket before heading back to her.

When I got back to the living room, Bella was sitting up on the couch, pulling her hair into a ponytail.

"Bella?"

"Huh?"

"I need to show you something. I got you something."

She gave me a look of insecurity before she stood up and came to me.

"What is it? Last night was so much, what more could you wish to give me?"

I held her hand and we walked to the front door. I opened the door and was greeted with by a bright sunny morning.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

I closed my eyes to the sun, to the outside. "I'm giving you a surprise, b-but it's out there." I opened my eyes and looked at her. "Go out there and get it… with me." I could do this! I tightened my hold on her hand and I took the step out the front door.

Bella sucked in a shocked breath.

"Edward!" I turned and looked at her. She was inside; I was outside, for the first time in almost twelve years. I had practiced, I worked on the idea, I mentally prepared myself, but I knew I didn't want to take the final step without her; and I did it!

"Bella… surprise." I smiled at her and pulled her outside with me.

"But," she shook her head, "how?" A tear slid down her cheek. I reached out and wiped it away.

"It's just the porch, but it's better than nothing, right?"

She nodded and smiled, more tears falling from her eyes.

I held my hand against her cheek; she rested her face against my hand and closed her eyes.

I looked around, the sun was shining; there was a light dew on the grass, just off the porch.

I tilted my head to the side and looked at Bella.

She made me want, need and be.

Although I have not told her, she had done more for me in the last few months, more than anyone else ever had.

She didn't push, even though I knew she wanted.

She didn't complain, even though I knew she missed her life before me.

She didn't make me feel like less of a man, even though I couldn't give her everything a man should.

Bella made me live and fight for more.

I looked out into the yard, a yard I had only ever seen through a window. I looked at the neighbor kids, looking at Bella and me, in our strange encounter.

I lived here for a long time, yet never knew the neighbors had kids.

For her, I pushed myself to do something I could never do before in my life.

For her, I wanted to push myself.

For her.

I raised my other hand to her face and brushed back the hair that had fallen across her cheek.

The wind blew and the breeze hit my skin.

A shiver wracked through me.

"You okay, babe?"

I closed my eyes as the smile on my face grew. I opened my eyes and looked at Bella. "I'm perfect, as long as I have you."

**Life Support**

**When Life Support was written originally, this was the final chapter. The whole story was donated to a fandom cause for Juvenile Diabetes. **

**I had promised outtakes and future takes, yet instead I ended up with adding quite a bit to the story. So, this no longer is the end. You could read to here and be happy - have an HEA between these two. But what about *whispers* sex, or marriage, or children. I couldn't leave them here. There are 20 more chapters to look forward to. See you for them. **


	12. Chapter 12

Those of you that are reading this a second time, and may have read my other work before - which story would you like me to repost next? Or should I write something brand new? You tell me.

**Life Support**

Standing on the porch with Edward was magical. It was by far the best day in my life, up to now.

We stood there for about forty-five minutes before the sun and the outside noise got to be too much for Edward. He didn't want to admit it, but I could tell. His breathing changed and his hold on me got tighter.

"Let's go inside, Edward," I said, pulling him back toward the front door.

"We don't have to," he whispered. I could tell he was fighting back a stutter. He was scared.

"I know we don't have to, but I want to. My legs are getting tired, and I'm a tad thirsty."

He nodded in agreement. Knowing I was the one who made the suggestion and not him, seemed to help. At least I hope it helped. He needed to know he wasn't alone. I would always be there with him.

Once inside, Edward collapsed on the couch. "Wow," he said in shock, or maybe awe.

"Was it all you expected it to be or remembered?" I asked him, as I sat next to him.

"It was far better, but I don't know how you do that every day. That was just my porch and I was terrified. How do you drive around and go out into the world without fear?"

"I've never known to be scared of the outside. I guess it's just easier for me…" My words trailed off. I knew that was by far the worst response I could give him, but really, I didn't know why it was easier for me than for him. I didn't know why he had to struggle, when for most people it was part of their normal routine.

"I thought you were thirsty," he said, breaking the silence.

I placed my hand on his thigh, and he didn't flinch. "I'll be right back." I wanted to place a kiss on his cheek, but I didn't think then was the best time for that. After everything he had accomplished that morning, I didn't want to push him any further.

I got us both a bottle of water and a pop-tart, before heading back to the couch.

I gave Edward one of each before taking a seat next to him again.

We ate in silence and I could tell by the expressions on his face that he was thinking about everything.

Just as I was about to stand to throw away my bottle and food wrapper, he turned and looked at me.

"I want to do it again."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I mean, _not_ right now, but eventually I do."

My excitement was bubbling over. I was ecstatic, but I knew I couldn't show it. I knew if I did, Edward would think too much into it.

I didn't want him to think that I was only sticking around because I was holding out hope. The hope of him getting better, and being 'normal,' because in my mind, he already was perfect and normal.

I got my desire to squeal under control before I responded back to him. "When and if you are ever ready to go back outside, I will be there with you to hold your hand."

"Thank you, Bella. Thank you so much." He pulled something out of his pocket and played with it in his hand.

"What's that?"

"Your key. I held on to it every day you were gone. I practiced going outside, but never did it until this morning. I would stand there at the front door, for hours, staring out into my front yard, holding your key. Holding it made me know I could do anything, because I have you."

"Baby, you are more than capable to do anything you want. The key to it is that you have to _want_ to do it."

"I've never wanted anything like I do now. Being with you makes me want so much more." His face turned a shade of red at his confession. I could tell my own face was joining his, as I felt the warmth of the blush covering my skin.

"As long as you want it for you and not because you think I want it…" My words trailed off as his hand moved to my leg.

"I want it for me, and for you. For us. I know I can't take you out and date you like you deserve, but-but in time, I want to be able to. I want to find a way to thank you for all you've done for me."

"There is no need to thank me; I've loved every moment since we've met. Staying in or going out doesn't matter, as long as we're together."

"That's the thing, when you go out; I want to go with you. I'd love to see where you live. I would love to meet your dog. I would love to go to the park with you and him, without it being a production. Remember the first time you called and we talked about it? I wish I was better." He lowered his head and tightened his grip on my leg.

"Edward, you don't have to get better for me. I love you just as you are." I placed my hand over his and lightly rubbed my thumb over the top of his hand.

He turned and looked at me. Our eyes met, and if there ever was a moment when sparks would fly, this would be it. "Thank you for that, Bella. I love you too."

* * *

><p><strong>To: Edward Masen<strong>

**From: Isabella Swan**

**Date: Monday, November 7th 2011 4:32AM**

**Subject: I wish…**

_Edward – _

_I wish I was at home, snuggled close to you in your bed. I wish we were together right now. I hate the fact I am so far away from you. I woke up because your warmth wasn't next to me. I've slept horrible since I got here, and it has only been two nights. _

_I have no idea how I will manage to make it for however many weeks they make me stay here. I'm going to try and come home for the weekends, but how will I manage the rest of the time? _

_I wish I was with you…_

_I love you._

_xoxo_

_B_

_Isabella Swan_

_Junior Partner_

_Attorney at Law with Cullen, Volturi and Denali_

I hated sending that to Edward, I knew he would feel guilty for not being able to come with me, but at the same time, I needed him to know how badly I missed him.

Over the last two months, we slowly worked on him getting further out of the house.

We made it once to my driveway, and that was only because he told me to keep going no matter what.

By the time we got there, he was hyperventilating and curled in a ball in the passenger seat. He wasn't even able to get out of the car after all the suffering.

I swore to him that day I would never keep going just because he told me too.

I was beyond frightened seeing him like that. It wasn't that I lived far away from him, but I think being in a vehicle was just too much, too soon.

He was now able to take walks around the block, and on occasion, we would take a detour over to one of the parks by his house. The first time we went to the park together, I brought Jake over. Edward wasn't so sure about him, but by the time we got there, they were like old pals. Edward would throw the ball and Jake would bring it back. He seemed to have a thing for his cute, carefree nature.

* * *

><p>We had kept the bulk of his 'recovery' a secret from his family. Edward was mostly worried that if they were there, or if they knew, he wouldn't be able to succeed. I was his 'lucky charm' and he didn't want to share that. Personally, I was happy I was the only one that knew. From what I had heard about his family, they wouldn't be as patient as I was with him.<p>

Even when we would push the limits either in him traveling out, or in our physical relationship, he said all he needed was me to ground him back to reality. He was done with Esme and her drugs. He wanted to feel the anxiety, not push it away with some drugs. He told me that if he could feel it, he would better know how to overcome it.

Granted, our pursuits outdoors were far more advanced than the physical ones. We had yet to kiss on the lips, but a peck on the cheek was now acceptable with him. The first time I leaned in and my lips touched his skin, he almost passed out. I was thankful we were sitting, because as my lips lightly grazed his skin, he stopped breathing and started to fall to the side.

My hands reached out for him and pulled him back to me and my lips.

"It will be okay," I told him.

He nodded in response. I was sure he was too scared to speak.

I ever so slowly ran my lips over his jaw. I quietly moaned as the sensation of another part of my body feeling his. He sat rigid for a moment before softening up just slightly.

I kissed him right at the top of his jaw, just under his ear. "See, I told you it would be okay," I told him again.

"It it it is okay. D-d-do it again." I hated hearing him stutter, but I knew if he didn't want it, he wouldn't have asked for me to do it again.

I slowly kissed up and down his jaw. His hands moved from the clenched spot on his lap to my body as I felt him get even more comfortable under my lips.

His right hand made its way to my hair as his fingers got tangled.

It was a kiss to the cheek, but it was the most sensual experience I had ever shared.

That was something I wished Edward would understand.

After that first time, we never went to that extent in our kissing and touching. Most people would think I needed to be committed because I was willingly in a relationship with someone that could possibly never give me more, but having him was enough.

The week before I left on my trip, Edward asked me to move in with him. I think he thought that with me there all the time, it would be easier for him to come along with me. Unfortunately, it wasn't.

After the first night we stayed together on the couch months earlier, I would occasionally stay with him, but we always slept on the couch.

With the offer to move in, he was letting me have a place in his bed next to him. Huge step!

The first night I stayed, Edward looked so conflicted, that I offered to stay in the other room. As soon as the words left my mouth, resolve washed over his face and he was more than willing to spoon me all night long.

I honestly have no idea if he slept that night, but I knew he had every night since.

With me gone, Jake was staying with him. I mildly worried that Edward wouldn't be able to take him for walks, but he assured me he would be okay.

I looked down at my laptop that was now sleeping. Thinking of Edward made me lose track of an hour of time. I could daydream of him forever.

I moved my laptop from my lap, after waking it back up and refreshing my email in hopes I would have a response from Edward.

I knew I probably wouldn't. It was still in the middle of the night on the west coast.

I rolled out of the hotel bed and made my way to the bathroom. It was a lovely hotel that I would call home for at least four weeks if not more, but it wasn't my bed, and it wasn't home.

Right after my last trip to New York, I was promoted to Junior Partner, which meant the trip I had hoped I wouldn't have to take back to New York, was now mine to take as first chair.

Edward was proud of the promotion and told me he would be okay without me. I, on the other hand argued with Carlisle, begging to let me stay home. It wasn't that I was unappreciative, but I didn't want to be away from Edward.

By the time I got out of the shower and dressed I had to rush to make it to the courthouse. It was opening arguments for both sides and I needed to still converse with my client.

I was with Tanya Denali in New York, and she wasn't happy I was her first chair. She made it known constantly that she was overlooked for the promotion that I got. I guess she felt since her mother, Sasha was a partner she deserved it.

I made my way quickly through security and to holding for my client. Tanya was nowhere that I could see, so I sent her a quick text as I waited for the court officer to bring my client in.

As I waited on Tanya to reply, and my client to be brought in, my phone dinged with an email from Edward.

My heart raced as I opened it.

**To: Isabella Swan**

**From: Edward Masen**

**Date: Monday, November 7th 2011 8:15 AM**

**Subject: Re: I wish…**

_Beautiful Isabella – _

_I hope and wish that you are doing well in the courtroom. I miss you greatly in my bed. I never thought that would be something I would say to another, but it is so true. At least with you it is. _

_Jake has kept me company, but he isn't the same. He wiggles far too much. I can't believe I let him sleep with me, but I needed something to remind me of you._

_I've been thinking of all the things I want to do now that I've made it out of the house. A picnic in the grass, a trip to the store, although I don't know if I could manage that one._

_I would still love to see where you lived, before you move the rest of the way into my place. _

_I miss you so very much and I hope you can find a way back to me soon._

_I love you!_

_P.S. I have a surprise for you whenever you do come home._

_Edward Masen_

_Tech Support_

_Cullen, Volturi and Denali Law Firm_


	13. Chapter 13

Well, with no answers yet to my question posed, I think I am going to start on an idea that was once presented to me to write. We will see if I can manage it. I haven't written a successful(and by successful - I mean able to write more than a page and a half) in a very long time. If I fail at it, I will start the reread of The Proposal, unless the masses ask for something different.

**Life Support**

Waking up without Bella had been strange. Five days had passed since I watched her pull out of our driveway in the company limo.

She looked so professional getting in and driving off. It was a change. Not that I wasn't used to Bella dressed for court, but to then get into a limo and blow me a kiss, was beyond what I ever would have thought I would have.

Having her was something I never expected. And now that I actually did, it blew my mind even more.

She always told me I needed to do what I wanted for myself, but it was hard not to want to do it for her as well.

Seeing her fearless and carefree made me want to be just the same.

I knew I had already come a long way, but I had so much further still to go.

I decided after watching Bella leave five days ago, that I would work on something new while she was gone.

I wasn't sure how I would come up with something that I could surprise her with.

My thoughts went to finding a way to kiss her, but I didn't know how to practice that. All I could do would be to psych myself up and dive in when she got here, and hope for the best.

I had done that the first night she stayed in my bed, as my live in girlfriend. Seeing her, in my bed was beyond terrifying. I stood there and watched her, curled in my blanket, head on my pillow and I was ready to run away and hide. But, as soon as she offered to leave, fear of losing her took over and I knew there was nowhere else I wanted her than in my bed. I took a few deep breaths and asked her to stay, right there with me.

The look on her face made me know it was the right choice, even if it was hard for me to accept.

Bella always wanted me to do these things for myself; fortunately I did most of them for her as well. Without her, I would have no desire to change.

**Life Support**

**To: Isabella Swan**

**From: Edward Masen **

**Date: Friday, November 11th 2011 3:42 PM**

**Subject: Home**

_Bella – _

_Jake misses you. He would love for you to come home. I tried to explain to him that you have to be there a while longer, but he hasn't accepted that. _

_I don't think he likes my walks. They are not the same as yours. I think he can sense that I'm nervous, so he is on guard instead of enjoying his time. _

_Walking outside is not the same without you there holding my hand. _

_I wish you could come home. I miss you too. I know you are probably just about to get out of court for the day. I hope the case is going well._

_Love you – _

_Edward_

_Edward Masen_

_Tech Support_

_Cullen, Volturi and Denali Law Firm_

It was by far the stupidest email I had ever sent. Part of me wanted to beg her to come home, that there was no way I would manage being apart from her any longer, but the other part of me knew if I became too co-dependent she could get freaked out and leave me for good. Plus, she had to be there for work, and I wouldn't and couldn't hold her back.

I logged into the work system after emailing her and messed with some system issues. It was fun fixing the broken things. It was almost like what Bella did for me. She helped to fix me.

My email dinged just as there was a knock at the door.

My hand went for the mouse to open my email, just as the person on the other side of the door became more persistent and knocked again.

Jake came barreling out of the bedroom, barking up a storm.

"Shh, relax pup," I said, scooping up Jake on my way to the door.

I looked through the glass window on the side of my door and saw Alice staring back at me.

I was shocked she was here. She still came around**, **but not as often as before. With Bella almost always around, it was different now.

"Hey Ali," I said, with a smile as I opened the door.

"Don't you hey Ali me! What is all of this about you going outside? Taking walks! And you have a dog? When did all of this happen? And why didn't you tell me? Why did I have to hear about it though a third party?" she asked. Her hand was on her hip and she was trying so hard to look fierce.

"Well, the dog is Bella's. I'm dog sitting while she is away, well I guess not really since…" I stopped talking. Alice didn't know Bella lived here. If she was so pissed about this stuff, what would she say when she found out Bella moved in with me.

"Since what?"

"Since…since…nothing. Do you want to come in?"

"How about you come out?" She raised her eyebrow and cocked her head to the side.

"Alice," I paused to sigh, "this is why I didn't tell you. I don't want to be forced."

"So, how does Bella get you to do it then?"

"She doesn't _get_ me to do anything. I did it all on my own and she is patient while I work my way up to bigger and better things."

"Oh, well in that case, is that offer still open for me to come in?" I could tell Alice felt a bit shitty.

"Of course."

I moved to the side and let her in. I was a bit annoyed with her comments, but I knew it was to be expected whenever my family found out. At least she realized what she said was wrong.

"How did you find out?" I asked her quietly.

"Oh, well Rose saw you the other day. She told me that you were walking a dog! I told her that wasn't possible, but she told me it was. Well, I decided I would stop by, and here you are with a dog…" Alice's words trailed off as she looked around the room. "Something's different in here."

I had moved my living room around, so that the one side of it no longer held my computer work desk. I now had a dedicated office that looked out into my back yard.

Alice spun around the room probably looking for other things that were different.

"Why did you move everything around, Edward? And where did you put it all? In the last ten years that you've been here, nothing has ever changed. What's happening to you?"

"Nothing…"

She rolled her eyes and laughed a bit, before she plopped down on my couch.

"Something is happening to you. Bella is happening to you and you can't deny it! It's so exciting! But what I don't get is why are you shying away from telling me everything when it comes to her?"

"I don't know, maybe because it's all so new?" Honestly I didn't know why I didn't want to tell her. She was the one person, other than Bella I told just about everything to.

"Well, are you happy, Edward?"

"Extremely," I said with a smile.

"Then that's all that matters."

I worried that the interrogation would continue, but thankfully for me, Alice changed the topic to a typical daily conversation, as if nothing with me had changed.

By the time she left, the sun was just starting to set. I headed to my computer to check my email before starting dinner.

My heart exploded a bit in my chest when I saw I had an email from Bella.

**To: Edward Masen **

**From: Isabella Swan**

**Date: Friday, November 11th 2011 5:42 PM**

**Subject: Re: Home**

_Edward – _

_Tell Jake to cool it and be good for you! He really is a good dog; he just has his moments at times. I think he forgets he is a male and should be a more masculine, instead of a crabby bitch. _

_But, enough on him, how about us…_

_I miss you so very much and I hate to say this, but I will be missing our Skype date tonight. _

_Something came up that I absolutely can't get out of. _

_I hope you will forgive me and know I will make it up to you. _

_All my love, _

_Bella_

_Isabella Swan_

_Junior Partner_

_Attorney at Law with Cullen, Volturi and Denali_

The excitement I felt when I first saw that she emailed me back, was now replaced with sadness.

I missed her so much, possibly more than anyone I've ever missed before. Even seeing her nightly on Skype didn't make it easier on me to be apart from her, but it did help ease the ache just a bit.

I moped around as I made my dinner. My desire to eat, or really do _anything_ was gone. I picked at my food once it was done, but I really didn't want it.

I put Jake out in the backyard and let him run around. I cleaned the mess I made from making dinner, before letting Jake back in. I set my half eaten plate of food on the floor and let Jake have the rest of my chicken and potatoes. I figured it would at least go to good use that way.

I thought about emailing Bella back before climbing into bed, but I knew whatever I would say, would make me out to** s**ound pathetic and lonely. It was no lie to say I was getting depressed.

It was still early, but knowing I didn't have Bella to look forward to later, I climbed into bed and curled myself around Jake.

He wiggled and licked my jaw.

"Thanks boy. I needed that." I patted the top of his head and rubbed my fingers thought his short hair until I fell asleep.

Sometime in the middle of the night, I woke to a noise in the house. I lay in bed, holding Jake so he didn't go running to the intruder.

I knew I would freeze up if I attempted to leave the bed and interrupt whoever was in my house.

I listened to the footsteps as they slowly got closer to the bedroom.

My breathing hitched as fear completely set in. The doorknob slowly opened and my heart raced. I wanted to close my eyes and disappear. I closed my eyes, but unfortunately I couldn't really disappear.

The door opened and I heard the intruder release a breath. I opened my eyes and looked toward the door in complete fear.

As soon as my eyes made contact with the intruder, my heart rate slowed and a smile covered my face. Bella was home.


	14. Chapter 14

**Updating while hiding in the bathroom at work...that is love...**

**Life Support**

Showing up unannounced may have been a little wrong, but I wanted to surprise him. I knew he would be shocked and possibly scared, but I wanted to show him that there was nothing to fear. I would always be back.

I pulled up in front of the house and noticed that it was pitch black. For a Friday night at eleven, that was extremely out of the norm.

I walked into the house and grabbed a glass of water. Assuming Edward went to bed early, I wanted to get ready and join him. I hadn't slept well all week and I needed to be back in his arms.

When I opened the door to the bedroom, both the light from the street lamp as well as the moonlight lit up the room.

Edward's eyes were closed and he looked as if he was trying to cower under the covers. His face was covered in fear and the shock of how scared he looked made me inhale. I felt horrible for scaring him in such a way. I was just about to say his name when, he opened his eyes and looked at me.

"Bbbella?" He coughed. "Bella, what are you doing here?" He rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"I wanted to come home, to surprise you. Is that okay?"

…Maybe he was enjoying his time without me…

…Maybe my time away made him realize he liked living alone…

He sat up in bed, holding the sheet to his chest. Jake came barreling from his side, hopped off the bed and to my feet.

"Of course it's fine, I just wasn't expecting you."

I took the remaining steps to the bed and sat by his feet.

"I should have told you, I'm sorry."

"D-don't be sorry. I just wasn't expecting you." He smiled at me and I knew that me being home was okay.

"Want to go back to bed? The flight made me tired and I missed being in your arms."

He looked around, very awkwardly, everywhere but at me.

"Edward, what's the problem?"

"It's just, I wasn't prepared for you to come home."

"Well of course you weren't."

"It's just…" His words trailed off and he went back to looking around the room. He clutched the blanket tighter to his chest, his hand tightening around it in a death grip.

And that's when I noticed it. "Edward?"

"Huh? Yeah?"

"Is the problem because you have no shirt on?"

His cheeks blazed and he nodded his head once.

"Would you like me to leave so you can get dressed?" Edward was never without a pair of sleep shorts and a tee shirt when we were in bed together. It was plain to see that when I wasn't around, he slept with more personal comfort.

He closed his eyes as I watched him, waiting for an answer.

He shook his head before his hand released the blanket and it fell into a heap on his lap.

I took in a shaky breath and now it was Edward's turn to wait for my reaction. I knew from touching him, he was fit, but this was not what I expected. He was better looking than my mind could have ever imagined.

"Wow…just, wow."

"I-is that a go-go-ood wow?"

"Oh yeah." I wanted to touch him. I wanted to feel him under my fingers. I wanted him, but I knew that by being with him, I had to do it all on his timeline. I couldn't rush him, no matter how good he looked.

My fingers ached to move to him, but instead, I opted to show him what was under my shirt. So we would be equal. As I stood up to move, his eyes got wide.

"Don't worry," I said, as my fingers moved to the buttons on my shirt.

His eyes locked on my chest as I slowly undid my shirt. Button by button, his eyes slowly went lower. His breathing picked up that I worried I would need to stop.

My bra was on display as I started to unbutton the few remaining buttons.

Edward's breathing picked up as he took in the sheer lace that covered me.

"Are you okay?"

He nodded his head, his eyes remaining focused on my chest.

"Have you ever…" I hated to even finish asking that question as I undid the last button of my shirt.

"N-n-nnnnever li-like tttthhhh-thhis."

I closed my eyes, figuring he meant he had seen nude or semi-nude women on the internet, just never face to face. He was still a man after all. Just because he never left the house, didn't mean he didn't still have needs.

Thinking about Edward, and the potential needs that he had, suddenly made my casual, just for show strip tease hard.

I took one final breath and let my shirt slide down my arms and fall to the floor.

Edward's chest was rising and falling with purpose, need and possibly even desire.

I suddenly feared how awkward this had to be for Edward. He wasn't like other guys. I couldn't just drop my shirt and have him react by touching me.

"I'm sorry. This was very stupid of me." I bent over to pick my shirt back up.

"No," Edward said with force. "Please leave it off."

I was still bent over, the blood pounding through my ears. I took a deep breath, then another before standing back up.

When I stood, my eyes drifted to the bed, where Edward no longer was.

I stood the rest of the way and started to look around the room.

"I-I'm b-beehind ya-you."

"What are you doing?"

"Cl-close your eyes." I could hear him taking deep breaths. His breath was blowing over my bare neck and shoulder.

My skin broke out in goose bumps in anticipation. I didn't know what he was going to give me, but I would be happy with whatever he was able to initiate and succeed with.

His chest barely touched the skin of my back as his hands ghosted around my abdomen.

"I-I don't kk-know wh-wha-t I'm do-ooing."

"Don't worry, just do what you can. Whatever it is, it will be right."

His hands so very slowly applied more pressure to me. The more our bare skin touched, the more his breathing got out of control; not that mine wasn't just as forced as his. He pressed his chest against my back until there wouldn't even be enough room to fit a piece of paper. I could feel his erection against the small of my back, but I knew if I acted on his desire without his initiation, this would all fall apart.

I was happy waiting until he was ready. Him touching me like this was a big enough step forward, I couldn't press for more.

All reasonable thoughts went out the window as his hands slowly started to move.

"D-does th-thhis feel good?"

I nodded my head in agreement and let out a tiny moan.

"What made you decide to take this leap?" I asked.

He took a deep breath and I swore I felt his lips graze my neck. I wanted to melt under him.

**EPOV**

Holy shit…holy mother fucking shit. My heart had just calmed down from her scaring the shit out of me, and now she was slowly taking her shirt off.

Her fucking shirt off!

I have no idea what possessed me to show her my bare chest, but I knew if I wanted to ever kiss her, touch her, and give her the things I knew she needed and wanted, I had to dive in. So, just like the morning on the porch, I dove in and literally bared all.

Staring at her made me want to touch myself, but I knew that would be an extremely awkward. It would be one more thing that completely made me inadequate. I was sure normal guys didn't grab themselves when there girlfriend got naked. Or did they?

In the mist of thinking all of those things, Bella bent to pick her shirt back up. Her cheeks were flushed and she was noticeably embarrassed.

I asked her with confidence, well as much confidence that I could muster to keep it off. As she was still bent over, I hopped off the bed, praying she didn't look up and see the fact that I was hard.

I was sure she had seen men aroused before, but _no one_ _had ever_ _seen_ _me_ aroused.

I made my way behind her. I wanted to touch her and be close to her, but I didn't want her to see me. And touching her would hopefully be easier if I couldn't see all that she had just showed me.

She asked where I was and what I was doing. I tried my hardest to keep my voice level and in check, but I stuttered every time I said a word.

There was no denying the fact, I was nervous. Beyond nervous. This was the most intense and extreme thing I had ever done in my life.

I slowly moved closer to her, but I realized she would be able to tell I was extremely aroused, so I tucked myself before moving closer, so that my front was barely touching her back. Making the final movements toward her so that we were flush was so hard on me.

Skin to skin contact was something that Bella and I had worked on, but never in these areas. Hands, arms, even feet were one thing, but my bare chest to her bare back was a different story.

I could easily look over her shoulder and see the glorious milky skin of her breasts. Her nipples were visible through the lace on her bra.

I wanted badly to touch them, but I didn't trust myself to either not hurt her or pass out. Instead, I ran my hands around her abdomen and let my fingers feel the flesh of her stomach.

"I-I don't kk-know wh-wha-t I'm do-ooing," I told her, expressing the fact that I am completely inadequate and clueless when it comes to physical contact.

She told me I was doing fine. She gave me the tiniest bit of confidence, but it could have moved mountains when it came to me.

I pressed my chest harder against her back. I knew she could now tell I was aroused, but I didn't care. I wanted to see what it would be like to feel someone else's warmth against it. Yes, I had on pajama pants, but they were thin and made it so I could feel everything her flesh had to offer at that moment.

I paused for a moment and bathed in the feel of her on me. I never thought I would be here. I still didn't believe I really was there, but I was, and how amazing it was.

I moved my hands ever so slowly up and down her ribs and just below her breasts. I couldn't imagine touching them yet.

She moaned when I asked if it was okay. God, I wanted to give her more. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to give her a surprise. I wanted to place my lips on her skin and possibly even my lips on hers.

"What made you decide to take this leap?" she asked.

I took a deep breath; I moved my face closer to her neck and shoulder so I could see her beautiful chest.

I opened my mouth to tell her what I wanted, what I was hoping to achieve this with, but no sound would come out of my mouth.

My heart started to beat rapidly. My breathing became slightly quickened.

Bella started to move away from me. I knew she was concerned for me, as always.

"I-I-I'm o-o-kkkay."

I watched as her chest rose and fell.

"Don't push yourself, Edward. It's not worth it. I'm willing to wait."

"I d-don't wa-want t-to maa-make you w-wa-wait." I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I tightened my hold on her.

She was comfort. She was safe. She shouldn't make me scared or nervous.

I opened my eyes and slowly started to walk around her. I kept my eyes on her face. I knew if I let my eyes drop to both of our half naked bodies, I would fail.

I took a deep breath, then another.

Her eyes were trained on mine. She looked concerned on one level, but on another, she was…I don't know what she was. It was an expression I had never seen on her.

I took one more deep breath.

"Doo-don't move." I took another huge breath. I thought about what I wanted to say, and took my time as I said the words. I didn't want to sound like a fool as I told her what I wanted. "I want to give you a surprise."

She swallowed and nodded. "Okay."

Her tongue peaked out between her lips. God, how I wanted to kiss those lips.

Our eyes locked and my hands rested on her hips.

"I just…I just…don't move," I said to her. She didn't react by movement, but with her eyes. The look of concern went away, but was replaced completely with another emotion that I hadn't ever seen on her face before.

"Just…" I slowly moved closer. "Just stay still." I moved so close to her that there no longer was any question of what I wanted.

She sucked in a shaky breath just as my lips lightly touched hers.


	15. Chapter 15

**Raidershell - like there wouldn't be more today... just no more bathroom updates. That was weird. **

**Know, I read each and every review I get and I appreciate them all. I know I call out a few people once in a while... I hope they smile. :)**

**Also - off reviews I feel I need to share something that was in one of the original author notes - I don't know anyone with this illness, so I have taken everything to creative license. I know that this may not be how someone with agraphobia would 'recover'. More than likely, someone with agraphobia and social anxiety would never heal.  
><strong>

**Life Support**

He was telling me to stay still. He was moving closer, oh so closer. I knew what he wanted to do. I could tell. It was in his eyes, in his touch, just in him.

At first I was worried, but I could see that he was positive he wanted this as much as I did.

Our lips barely touched when his body started to tense.

I pulled back, and looked at him, but it was too late. His body went slack and I wrapped my arms around him so he didn't fall.

I dragged his upper half, with my arms around his chest, back to the bed.

"Oh baby, I knew it was too much. I wish you would admit when it was," I said to an unconscious Edward.

I ran my hands through his hair and lightly kissed his forehead.

"I love you, Edward. I will wait forever if I have to until you can give me more."

I moved him so he was all the way on the bed before covering him with the blanket.

I went and got my pajamas on and climbed back in bed next to him.

I knew there was no point in trying to wake him now. When his body was ready to come back, he would wake.

I lay curled to his side as I ran my fingers through his hair, until I fell asleep.

I woke to a loud crash and an empty bed. The sun was just coming up and I went to check the time, but was distracted as I heard another crash and the sound of glass breaking.

"Edward?" I called out from the doorway of the bedroom.

There was no answer to me, but I could hear him talking before something else shattered.

I slowly walked down the hall to where it sounded like the damage was being done.

I entered the living room, just in time to see a vase go flying across into the entry, and shatter against the front door.

"Edward, what are you doing?" I asked in shock.

"Nothing, just go back to bed!" His words were firm, hard, defined. He was pissed. I had never seen him angry.

"No, tell me what is wrong. Please." I started to walk toward him, but took a step back as he threw a decorative glass bowl.

"Edward, stop!" I yelled.

His eyes snapped up and he looked at me. He looked possessed. He did not look like my Edward. His chest was rising and falling fast from the adrenaline running through his body.

"Why? Why should I stop? I'm a complete failure! I can't even kiss my girlfriend without failing and ending up losing hours of my night."

He looked around where he stood, but he had already managed to throw everything glass that was within his reach.

I took that as my time to walk toward him.

"Baby, you are not a failure. Don't think like that!" I reached out to him, but he flinched back.

"Don't, just don't!" He pushed away from me, and walked out of the room. I watched him until he was out of sight. I flinched when he slammed his office door.

I slumped down, much the same way Edward did last night when our lips touched, except I had no one to catch me.

I rested my back against the couch, knees pulled to my chest and arms wrapped tight around my head.

This was _not_ how I planned to spend my weekend home with Edward. For that matter, I didn't even know what was wrong with him. Never before had he acted this way when our physical relationship got too heated for him.

Was I too much for him? Did he feel like I needed more, so he pushed too far and now he's a complete mess? There was no question that Edward was special and had some issues, since before me, he never left the house. Was something else breaking loose in his brain causing him to act this way?

I sat there and thought about where I was going wrong in my attempt to help him, until I heard the office door open. I peeked up; worried he was not back to my loving, quiet Edward.

He walked up to me and sat down on the couch, just to my right.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I don't know what came over me." He held his hand down to help me up off the floor.

I took it and he pulled me to the couch. I went to sit next to him, but he pulled me into his lap.

"I shouldn't have reacted like I did this morning. I'm just so upset about last night."

"You did great, Edward. You shouldn't be upset about what happened. This is all so very new to you."

"But I am upset! I wanted to do one thing, just one thing with you, and I couldn't even do that. I had tried my best to psych myself up, and in the end, I still failed."

"Edward, what did you want to do?" I wasn't stupid. I knew what he wanted to do, but I wanted him to verbalize it.

"You know what I want. It was what I tried and managed to fail at." He looked down, breaking our eye contact.

"No, look at me." I placed my hand on his chin and helped to bring his eyes back to mine. "Tell me, what did you want to do with me?"

Our eyes met and his were scorching. It was a look I never expected to see in Edward's eyes. Even last night, he didn't look like he wanted anything as much as he did right now.

"I…" he paused and took a deep breath. "I wanted to put my lips on yours and kiss you."

His voice hadn't been that steady and confident since before I left for New York.

My tongue slipped out between my lips and lightly licked them.

His eyes dropped from mine, down to my mouth.

"Just like that, but with mine instead," he whispered.

"Baby, if you want it, I won't stop you at all."

He smiled in response, but didn't act on what I knew he really wanted.

"I won't ever push you, Edward. You believe me, right?" I ran the back of my finger along his jaw.

"I do."

We sat in silence for just a few minutes, before I decided to break it, before it got awkward.

"Let's go clean up the entry, okay? I would hate for one of us to cut our feet." I turned to get up, but his hand was on my wrist, pulling me back to his lap.

Before I had time to fully comprehend what was happening, his lips were on my partially parted ones, but then as fast as they were on, they were off.

"Wow," he whispered.

"Was it what you ex-"

But my words were cut off as he pressed his lips to mine once again.

This time, his lips stayed on mine. A moan escaped me before I met his lips with the same amount of desire and want that he was already giving me. I could feel his heart beating against my chest, as I was sure he could feel mine.

My hands on instinct moved into his hair. His hands, though shaky, moved to cup my face. Our mouths molded together, just like every other part of us had until this point.

I still worried that this was too much for him, until I felt the recognizable texture of a tongue granting access from my lips.

I slowly parted my mouth until his tongue entered.

Considering Edward had never done this before, he sure had natural talent.

I did my best to hold back and not ask for more. Everything he was giving me was more than I ever expected from him, especially this soon. But it was hard to not ask for more seeing as I so badly wanted to press myself against him. He was causing me to desire him more with this one kiss, than I had ever desired before.

Our mouths continued to move together and my hands ran through his hair. His hands moved from where they cupped my face, down over my shoulders, ghosting over my chest and to my waist. He held tight to me as he slowly broke the kiss.

We were forehead to forehead, panting in an attempt to catch our breath.

"Wow," I whispered.

"Is it always like that?" he asked, without stuttering.

"No, not always." His face dropped. "It isn't normally that amazing," I said with a smile.

"Yo-you think," he took a deep breath, "I'm amazing?"

"Oh, yeah. Are you sure you haven't done that before?"

He cocked his eyebrow the best he could with us still forehead to forehead. "Yeah, pretty sure I've never kissed anyone but you before. Why?"

"Because I've never been kiss before like that. I think I may be speechless."

"Maybe we should try again and make sure it isn't just beginner's luck," I said with a confident smile.

"Good idea."


	16. Chapter 16

Fuck Monday. Tablet updating at my desk at work...not a care...

Let's try that again...

**Life Support**

I woke up in bed, with absolutely no recollection of what happened after I tried to kiss Bella.

That meant I must have passed out, but I hoped I passed out after it happened. I hoped that maybe the kiss had been so amazing I was in some type of euphoric shock. The more I forced myself to think back to last night, the more I knew I had in fact passed out and hadn't kissed her at all. I was in bed, on the opposite side of where I typically slept. Bella's hand was on my pillow near my head and the expression on her face wasn't one of satisfaction. Instead, she looked unbelievably upset.

That was the final nail in my coffin. I had failed. I tried to psych myself up, but all that bare skin and blood pooling in my crotch made it hard to focus.

I rolled out of bed, fully aware the girl that lay beside me deserved far better than me.

She deserved someone who could take her on dates in public. Someone who could touch her and make her feel good. Someone who was able to kiss her and knew how to make her toes curl.

Not someone like me; someone who before last night had never been in the presence of a woman that wasn't fully dressed. Someone who only knows what they should do by watching porn. She doesn't deserve to be stuck with me. I will never change no matter how much patience she has; I wish she understood that.

I paced back and forth in the living room until I walked right into the coffee table. The pain that I felt in my knee was the same I felt in my heart. I was broken. I was suffering and before even thinking about it, I reached down and picked up some stupid vase that Alice had bought me.

I turned around and threw it with all my strength against the front door.

I walked around the living room and looked for anything I could break. I watched as the glass fractured before it fell to the floor. That was me. Fractured, broken, not repairable.

My destruction stopped as soon as Bella walked into the room.

She was trying so hard to get me to see that it was okay, but I didn't care what she had to say, I was a fuck up and it was not okay.

I pushed my way passed her, honestly because I was afraid I would break down in front of her and cry like a baby.

I didn't need to add to my humiliation.

Locking myself in my office, I plopped down on my chair. I wasn't sure what I was going to do in there, but I knew if I stayed by Bella, I would make a fool of myself.

I booted up my computer and as soon as the background of Bella and me at the park for the first time came on to the screen, I lost it.

I cried, no I sobbed like the pathetic piece of shit I was.

She got me to do so much more, yet I still would never be enough.

With tears and snot covering a good part of my face, I did the one thing I always did when I was confused.

I called Alice.

"Hey Mister leaves his house. What's shakin'?" Alice asked cheerfully.

I sniffled. "Nothing." My nose was stuffed and I sounded as pathetic as I felt.

"Whoa, whoa, Edward, what's wrong? This is _not_ the same confident guy I saw the other day."

"It's Bella…"

"Did that bitch break your heart?" Alice asked defensively.

"What? No!"

"Oh, well then what about her?"

I buried my face in my free hand. "I tried to kiss her last night and instead, I passed out," I mumbled into my hand.

"Oh, Edward. You know you have come a long way from where you were back in May. I'm sure she understood."

"I'm sure she did too, but I wish for one moment I could be normal and do what I want without my mind protesting." I sniffled and wiped the tears from my eyes as I spoke.

"Well, Edward, before her, you didn't want to do any of these things. Before her, you were content in who you were and the life you lived. And, if I may say, if you were not who you are, I don't think she would have been interested. I think the fact that you weren't perfect is what made you perfect in her eyes."

I sighed, unsure of what to say.

"Edward, yesterday when I saw you, it was obvious the change you had made in the recent months. I'm proud of you. Now look, if you want to kiss your girl, then dry them eyes, blow that nose and go kiss your girl. You know you deserve it."

"What if I fail again?"

"Edward, what did you do to take that step outside the first time? Or to take a walk around the block? You had no way to practice those things, did you?"

"No, I stood at the entry for days and then when it came time to do it, I just did it."

"Then do that with the kiss. Stare at her and then do it. Don't over think it. You will do just fine."

"I don't know…"

"Stop second guessing yourself. It will be wonderful. If you need me, call me, but I'm sure you will do just fine."

"Are you hanging up on me?" I sniffled.

"Yeah, you have a girl to go kiss and I don't need to listen to that." You could hear her smile behind the words.

I couldn't help but to laugh. "Okay, I will go try."

"And you will succeed." She hung up the phone and left me to my thoughts.

I sat there and stared at the picture of Bella and me on my computer screen; her smile radiating back at me.

Even if I failed, she will still love me. And the only true way I can fail is if I don't try…

With semi steady feet, I walked back to the living room to find Bella looking as broken as I normally felt.

I knew I had to make this right with her.

I pulled her up into my lap. Thankfully, she complied and sat on me. Her legs were draped over mine as we talked.

The more we talked, and the more silence that drew out between every statement, the more my confidence dropped. Even after telling her what I wanted, I wasn't sure I would be able to pull it off.

When Bella started to get up, I knew I would completely lose my nerve if I waited until another time to kiss her, to solidify my feelings for her. I needed to show her that I was capable. She deserved to know that.

I pulled at her wrist and she came down toward me quickly. I knew I caught her off guard, but I was as off guard as she was. Her right leg fell between mine.

Before she could question me, before I could question myself, I placed my lips to hers and kissed. It was quick, it was simple and it was amazing.

In her near straddling position, I pulled her back to me and kissed her again. Our lips molded together perfectly. My confidence grew the more I kissed and touched her.

I don't know what came over me as my tongue slowly slid out from between my lips and attempted to be allowed entrance to her mouth.

She let me in, and the warmth and desire that I felt with her only increased.

I knew there was no going back from what just happened. From here, we could only go forward.

I painfully broke apart from her, and I only say painfully, because I never knew kissing could induce such a reaction in my lower regions.

I panted, not because I was ready to pass out, but because I was out of breath, ready for more… I was so many things I never thought I would ever be before.

I felt like one of those guys that could tackle the world and overcome any obstacle thrown their way.

I was on top of the world for the first time, and it felt wonderful!

**BPOV**

Three hours, two grumbling stomachs and some very messy hair and clothes later, Edward and I rolled off the couch, almost completely satisfied.

The whole time, we touched and explored the other with our hands.

Something's took him longer than others to dive into; like touching my chest.

I knew since last night he had been dying to touch my breasts.

Between kisses, his eyes would wander down to my chest. My nipples were visibly erect through my pajama shirt.

With some minor persuasion, he finally slid his hands over my chest. His hands were ridged until I placed my hands over his and molded them around me.

He watched his hands move as he gently caressed my chest.

As his long fingers caressed my nipples, the sensations running through my body made this insanely tough.

I knew I promised him we would go on his terms, but I was about to throw caution to the wind and dive in to get my man. It took every ounce of control I had not to act on the desire I had and I knew he had as well.

I could tell he was hard; his erection was pressed against my leg. On occasion he would press it a little harder against me, I'm sure to get a bit of friction. I wanted to reach down and palm him and give him the desired feeling he craved, but I wasn't sure that he would be able to handle that.

My hands were on his hips, ready to make that final move when my stomach grumbled.

He instinctually pulled back.

"We need to feed you," he said with a kiss to my nose.

"I can wait," I panted back. I was so close to it…

"Bella, it's," he paused to look across the room at the wall clock, "almost noon. We should both eat. We can do this again later." A beautiful smile graced his face and I knew without a doubt, if I wanted him again, he would have me.

"How long are you home?" Edward asked me as we prepared a late breakfast together. Omelets and hash browns.

"Until Monday afternoon. Court call was pushed back from Monday morning until Tuesday, so I decided to come home. Tanya stayed in New York, which was fine with me. She's a pain."

Edward rolled his eyes and sighed. He had known of Tanya far longer than I had due to the partnership Carlisle had with Tanya's mother.

"I'm sorry they stuck you with her." He placed the spatula down on the counter, and his hands fell on my hips. "I'm sure it's to prep her for more, but they could have made someone else suffer through weeks of her crap."

"I'll be okay, I'm tough." I turned my head and smiled up at him. He was behind me just like last night.

He ever so slowly lowered his head to mine and placed a simple kiss to the corner of my mouth.

"I can't believe I waited so long to kiss you. It has to be by far the best feeling in the world."

I pushed up on my tip toes to kiss him on the cheek.

While up there, I moved my mouth to his ear. "Just wait until we have sex, then that will be the best feeling in the world." I placed a kiss to his cheek again as he sucked in a breath.

At least he didn't pass out this time.


	17. Chapter 17

I determined that updating with my tablet half in my purse is not the way to go about it. At least not when I need to post the chapter into FFn... maybe if it was already posted I would have no issues. So, I have started on something new... we will see if I can manage to write more than a page and a half before trashing it.

**Life Support**

Thirty thousand miles in the air and without a doubt, my mind and heart were back on the ground with Edward.

Unfortunately, Monday afternoon came far too soon for both of our likings.

When the limo pulled up at Edward's house, I didn't want to leave. He didn't want me to leave. His face showed that he was dying to beg me to stay, but at the same time he was urging me to go.

I knew how he felt about me leaving; he wished he could come with so we were never apart, but since he couldn't, he didn't want to hold me back.

I felt the same way; I didn't want to go, I didn't want to be away from him, but I had to if I wanted to continue to move up at the firm.

I leaned my head back against the seat in the airplane, ignoring my laptop and the loads of work I knew I needed to get done. My mind was too focused on the things that happened over the weekend and again this morning to even entertain the thought of work.

After Saturday morning, we spent a good portion of the afternoon and following day exploring one another.

Clothes stayed on, but hands moved and felt, while and mouths explored.

Edward overcame some things I never thought he would overcome. His hands moved along almost every curve of my body. Sometimes, depending on the location, his lips followed.

He would kiss my stomach, my calves, but he kept his mouth from meeting my breasts or anywhere too close to my vagina. His hands stayed away from there as well.

He stared at those places though; through my clothes, he stared and stared. I almost wondered if he thought he had x-ray vision.

By this morning, I was dying for friction. We had spent two entire days teasing one another and then waking up to him, running his fingers along the exposed skin of my abdomen had me on fire.

Without even opening my eyes, I started to squeeze my thighs tighter. The small movements I was making under the covers in to attempt to get friction between my legs, stopped his movement.

"I'm sssorry," Edward whispered.

"Don't be," I said back, a tad breathy. I was so close to getting off on just the friction of clenching my legs together.

"I'm sure going at my snail pace isn't easy on you." I could hear the anguish in his voice.

I slowly rolled over. My leg rubbed up against his aching hard erection. I could tell he was torn by what he wanted as he pulled his lower half away from my body.

"You don't have to be ashamed of it, Edward. It's natural to be turned on."

"I, uh, um, I-I-I-I-" I placed my finger over his mouth.

"Don't say anything, don't worry. I'm not. Whenever you are ready to be with me, I will be ready. Until then, don't feel like you have to hide away from me. We will explore this together. Don't worry."

I placed a gentle kiss to his cheek, which was flushed and quite warm. It was obvious that he was embarrassed.

Just as I pulled back, his right hand came up and ran through my hair, pulling me back to him.

His lips seared on mine. The heat from his face coupled with the kiss made the warmth spread from him to me.

My fingers tangled in his hair just as his tongue licked along my lower lip, asking for entrance.

Without a second thought, I let him in and our tongues tangled together.

By the time we broke apart, I was panting and wet. He was panting and hard, no longer caring that I could feel his erection.

I wanted to be closer, so I pressed my body as close to his as I possibly could.

"B-bella…" His eyes closed as his words trailed off. His body tensed and I worried it was too much for him. Just as I was about to back away, I realized what happened.

He came.

* * *

><p><em>Ding. Ding.<em>

"This is your captain speaking. We've hit a bit of turbulence, please make sure your seatbelts are fastened and we should be through this soon."

I was awakened from my day dream by the stewardess tapping my shoulder.

"Ma'am, seat belt please."

She continued to tap everyone on the shoulder asking them the same thing.

How was it that she could walk around and it was okay, yet I had to be sitting and strapped down?

I closed my eyes and slowly let my mind wander back to this morning.

He came in his thin pajama pants. I could feel the dampness against my bare leg where my sleep shorts had slid up.

Edward exhaled a shaky breath before clenching his teeth.

I watched his face as he tried to make sense of what just happened.

Me, I was completely fine with what happened. He definitely wasn't.

"Fuck!" he yelled out. "I'm such a fucking…" and his words trailed off as he screamed. It was a painful, anguishing type of scream.

Part of me contemplated getting off in my pants just to show him it wasn't anything to be embarrassed about, but I knew that my own gratification needed to be put on hold for the time being.

"Shhh, Edward, shhh. It's okay. Honestly, it is okay. More than okay."

"I just…" he gritted his teeth together. He pressed the tip of his thumb and index fingers against the bridge of his nose.

A tiny glistening tear slid out of his eye, down his cheek and to the pillow.

He tried to brush it away on the pillow, but it was too late.

"Edward, baby, there is no reason to cry. There is no reason to be upset or any of those things. This is all so new to you. This could and would happen to anyone. Don't let it work you up. Just because you don't know what other guys go through doesn't mean that it doesn't happen."

"I don't want to hear about other guys, Bella." He was back to gritting his teeth.

"I bet if you asked Emmett or Jasper or hell, even Carlisle they would say this same thing had happened to them at one point in time."

"Bella…" he looked away from me, toward the wall.

"Okay, I get it, but look," I paused and placed my hands on his face, bringing his gaze back to me. "Don't be upset, okay?"

"I'm not; okay maybe I'm a little upset. I'm more embarrassed, and disgusted in myself that I just got off like that on you."

"What if the tables had been turned and I rubbed myself on you and got off? Would you think I should be embarrassed?"

He looked at me with wide eyes. I watched as he swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Well?"

"No, you're supposed to get off."

"And so are you, Edward."

He shook his head and climbed out of bed.

"I need to go and uh, shower." He dropped his head and walked toward the bathroom.

I threw my head down on my pillow.

What am I going to do with him, I thought.

I heard the water in the shower turn on and the curtain rings slide on the bar.

I lay in bed and stared at the ceiling. I needed to make Edward okay with what happened. I needed to find a way to make him realize that the kind of gratification he just got was completely normal. I just didn't know how to.

I was so lost in my thoughts of how we would overcome this roadblock, that I didn't notice Edward was out of the shower until the light from the window, hitting my closed eye lids was obstructed.

I blinked twice before I was able to take in the sight before me. Edward topless and dripping wet in only a towel.


	18. Chapter 18

Sorry for not getting this out earlier today, I didn't get the chap into FFn last night.

**Life Support**

EPOV

I fucking came in my fucking pants. What am I twelve? My mind flashed back to American Pie, seeing Jason Biggs get off in his pants and everyone in his school seeing it. Yeah, I'm _that_ kind of freak.

To add insult to injury, I started to cry. I knew I needed to man up, but this shit was embarrassing and all so new. What was I supposed to do with myself?

What was I supposed to do with anything?

I couldn't even hold my load for a few minutes, so I didn't look like a complete ass. At first contact I was showing I was a virgin.

I was completely disgusted with myself.

Bella talked and told me it was going to be okay; that it was normal. How would I be able to verify that? And I'm far from normal, so for this to be normal was a complete joke.

She said to talk to my cousins and uncle. Like I wanted them to know what kind of ass I just made of myself.

Before I completely lost it, I decided to get up and shower. I needed to wash the disappointment in my pants off of myself anyway.

I stood under the shower spray crying my pathetic eyes out.

Why did I even try to be normal? To date? To have a relationship with a beautiful girl?

I wasn't normal and I shouldn't be allowed to date, especially a beautiful girl.

I sat down in the bottom of the tub, with my head down.

The water poured over my head and down my body.

I knew I wanted her. I knew I wanted to be normal, to experience her. To be with her and only her.

I just didn't know how.

I sat there for a while until the water was ice cold, trying to decide how I should proceed.

I had to move forward. Absolutely had to. As patient as Bella was, there was no way she would stay with me forever, if I remained as useless I currently was.

By the time I got out of the shower, I was shivering. I wrapped a towel around myself after quickly drying my torso.

I looked at myself in the mirror which wasn't even the slightest bit foggy. Even though I started with the water hot, I sat in the cold for so long, you could no longer tell.

The water from my hair dripped down my body.

I looked at myself and tried to see what Bella saw in me. What made me so special? What about me made her stick around?

I wasn't special, I didn't really work out, and I didn't have some amazing characteristic that caused me to stand out from others.

I was just me, and surely that wasn't enough. Was it?

Was the fact that I was completely awkward and out of my element enough to make her love me, or was she just being kind?

Bella didn't strike me as that kind of person, but I needed to know.

Without a second thought, I left the bathroom and walked back to the bedroom, where Bella was.

Her eyes were closed and I wondered if she had fallen back to sleep until she blinked.

"Edward?" Her eyes were wide as she stared at me.

"Why do you love me?"

She lifted herself slightly on her elbows to look at me. "Edward, the better question would be why wouldn't I love you. You are sweet and funny and you make me happy. You are different, but that is what makes you perfect. You've never been afraid to try. Your confidence, even when it's wearing thin makes me love you all the more. To know that you want, and you desire to be more and do more shows me how much you cherish me as well.

"I know before me, none of this was even a second thought to you, but now for you and me, for us, you strive to be even more amazing than you were when we first met."

"I wasn't very amazing when we first met. If I remember, I stuttered and insulted you by asking you not to enter my home."

"The fact that you let me in; that you let me walk in, was enough to show me you were willing to open your house, mind and heart to me. If you had never stopped stuttering, and never let me touch you more than you had that day, I still would have come back for more. As amazing as you are now, you were equally amazing then."

"I'm not amazing. Never have been."

"Maybe in your eyes, but in mine, you are all that and more." She slowly sat up in the bed and moved closer until she was in front of me.

"That Edward, the one I first met, would never have let me touch him like I did earlier to get that physical response."

Of course, she had to mention that again.

"You don't look like that Edward anymore. I'm happy I got to get that type of reaction out of you. It's not something to be embarrassed about, do you understand?"

I rolled my eyes and nodded my head.

"As I was saying, that Edward wouldn't have let me touch him in such an intimate manner. He wouldn't have touched me as you have, in an equally intimate manner, and he definitely wouldn't have walked out here half naked, in only a towel."

It was at that moment, I realized I was a little chilly, and there was water dripping down my chest. That I was really only in a towel.

"I, uh, shit!"

"Edward, don't!" She rose up onto her knees as I started to panic. Her hands were placed carefully on my hips, right above the towel. "Just, don't. I promise, it _is_ okay. You _are_ okay."

"I-I-I-I-I-"

"Shhh… I love you." And then her lips touched the skin right below my navel. I felt her tongue lightly come out from between her lips before she moved her mouth just slightly further south.

I knew I was still breathing, because I had yet to fall over, but I felt like I wasn't in control of my body.

I could feel every touch she placed on my body. As much as I was unsure about it, I liked it. My body and mind both liked it, as well as my penis.

I was getting hard and her face was right there. Her face shouldn't be there. She kissed along from below my navel to my right hip and then back. She didn't pay any attention to the fact that as she went to go toward my left hip; my aching erection was in her way.

She just kissed around it.

The towel was tenting out, and I feared it would fall. I placed my hands on the top of the towel to hold it up, but Bella pushed them back with her hands.

"If it falls, it is okay too. You are okay, we are okay, this is okay," she mumbled against my skin before she resumed her kissing.

My knees felt week. My body felt weak, but at the same time, the blood was pumping and I was more alert that I had ever been.

My body wanted this, even if my mind was completely conflicted.

Her hands moved up my sides toward my chest. She rose up higher on her knees as she kissed up my stomach and chest.

"I love you, Edward. Don't ever question the reason. I love you for all of you. For your insecurities just as well as the fire and passion that I know you have. You are perfect in your own way. You are perfect for me. My love for you will never stop growing. When you are ready, I want you. I know if you put your mind to it, you would be okay, but I don't want to push you to that point." She placed a kiss on my chest. "Now, go get dressed and take a few deep breaths. I will be here, waiting for you."

"Are you sure? I could try." As if on instinct, my breathing became ragged.

"Edward, I'm sure. I want to make sure for our first time you stay conscious." She popped up and kissed my lips before resting back on the bed.

She stretched her arms over her head and I was dying to touch her, all over.

I sucked in a deep breath before I turned away. I attempted to get my erection in check, but it was hopeless.

I was ready to be the man she needed me to be. The man that I wanted to be, I just needed to find out how to get there.


	19. Chapter 19

**Life Support**

Bella left hours ago. I figured she would be landing in New York soon.

I had spent the last few hours hating that I couldn't man-up and be with her. I hated that I didn't know if she would be back for the following weekend or not. And I hated that I didn't know if the understanding for me would still be as it was now, when she came back**.** I feared that as she thought it over while we were apart, she would realize I wasn't worth her time.

As it was, coming home had been a quick trip. All the traveling back and forth wasn't good on her, yet she did it for me. To be with me. Would she eventually realize that I wasn't worth that stress to her body?

While she was gone, I thought about everything that happened that morning. Bella and I have come a long way. Shit, I've come a long way.

There was still just that one final hump I had to overcome in our physical relationship; sex.

I debated calling Alice and asking her, but I didn't think that was something I should talk to her about.

I was just crying to her about my failed kissing attempt, and to now call her and moan about sex and getting off in my pants was _not_ something I wanted to share with anyone, let alone her.

Alice, although my confidant, was still a female and I wasn't sure how I felt about sharing something so personal with her.

I debated calling Jasper, but then he would tell Alice and I knew she would be offended I didn't talk to her first.

Then there was Emmett, but we were not that close. Plus, he was a man's man. He was a star football player in high school and still managed to play in college along with his legal courses.

He was the guy every man wanted to be.

I knew if I called him, I would risk getting laughed at. He was not the sensitive type. Not that I was a pussy, I just didn't want to get it rubbed in my face that I was still a virgin. I was sure he knew, but giving that verbal confirmation wasn't something I wanted to do.

The last option would be Carlisle, and well, in my mind, that wasn't an option. He was my uncle and he helped to raise me. The normal guy didn't go to his father about this kind of stuff, did they?

With the desire to be able to see my girl naked and move forward with her physically, I did the only thing I could think of without complete embarrassment. I Googled 'sex therapy' in the white pages.

The first link that popped up was for a doctor's office.

I looked at the clock and saw it was after five. I was sure they would be closed, but I still wanted to make the call. I wanted to at least be able to say I made an attempt.

I picked up the phone and dialed. I waited as it rang, and just when I was about to hang up, a lady with a beautiful voice picked up.

"Hello, Doctor Leah Black's office." Granted, her voice wasn't nearly as beautiful as Bella's.

"Uh, hello, is Doctor Black available?"

"Sir, I'm sorry, but the office is closed. If you would like, you can call back tomorrow and set up an appointment."

"Well, I'm not exactly looking to come into the office. I was wondering if the doctor offered phone advice."

"Sir, I typically don't do phone consults, I'm very sorry."

"So you're Doctor Black?"

"Yes, I am, but again sir, I don't do phone consults."

"What if I paid you? I will pay you triple your normal office rate if you will help me."

"For a phone consult?"

"Yes."

There was silence on the line. I was hopeful that she was thinking about my offer.

"Okay, Mr.?"

"Uh, Masen."

"Okay, Mr. Masen, I have an opening tomorrow at three PM. I will add you in, but I will require the payment up front. Like I said, this is not something I typically do, and so with you not here, I can't take payment at time of visit. I hope you understand."

"Yes, Doctor." I gave her my phone number as well as my credit card number. I asked her to charge me for two hours. I wasn't sure how long it would take me to get through my issues.

After I hung up with the doctor, I wondered if she would really call, or run off with my six hundred bucks.

Either way, I was trying. I was stepping out there to be able to be with Bella in every way possible.

Thankfully, true to her word, Doctor Leah Black called me at three PM the following day.

"Mr. Masen, is your partner on the line as well?" she asked once we got past the typical phone call pleasantries.

"Uh, Bella, no she's not."

"Well, sir, these types of things are normally issues between a couple, therefore I work with both parties."

"Well, see, the issues are all mine. She has no problem with being physical, but I do. I would rather get answers to my questions without involving her. I would like to save myself that embarrassment."

"I suppose that is fine, but I would suggest you talk to her about this as well. It may be beneficial for me to talk to both of you."

"Yes, Doctor."

"Now, Mr. Masen, what can I help you with?"

I had written down everything I wanted to ask her the night before, so I wouldn't forget anything. Now I just hoped I would be able to spit out the words.

"Is it nor-normal to e-ejaculate in your pa-pants?"

"Uh, excuse me? Is this a joke, sir?"

"N-no. No, not at all."

"I don't think you understand what I do then, sir."

"I, I've never been physical before, with anyone. Other than Bella, no one has ever touched me."

"Ever?" she asked with shock.

"Ever. Before her, I hadn't left my house in eleven years."

The doctor laughed. "Okay, this _has_ to be a joke. Did my ex put you up to this?"

"This is not a joke!" I yelled at her.

"Okay, okay, sorry sir. This is just not a typical situation. So again, what can I help with?"

"Is it normal?"

"Ejaculating in your pants, is it normal? Well sir, depending on the situation, it can be very normal. If you were aroused and excited and had the correct stimulation, yes it is very normal. Seeing as you have never been intimate with a woman before, everything you experience will be extremely heightened."

"So, it is normal?"

"Yes, completely."

The good doctor and I spent the next hour and a half going over the ins and outs of sex; from oral sex to vaginal penetration to anal sex.

When she started talking about anal sex, I just about passed out.

People really did that? How was that for pleasure?

I had seen it in porn, but I never thought anyone not getting paid would want to do that. It sure didn't look like the girls in those porno movies were _really_ enjoying it with their fake moaning.

By the time the doctor was done telling me everything she had to offer, as well as answering all of my questions, I was confident that I would be able to know what to do with Bella when that time came.

I knew where my fingers needed to go. I knew where my tongue needed to go, and of course where my penis needed to go.

I was prepared.

I took notes to look over and the doctor offered to email me diagrams to look over as well, which I jumped on. I knew I needed all the help I could get.

After she got over the initial shock of what I was calling about, she seemed more than willing to help me.

Before hanging up, I promised to call her once Bella and I tried to get physical. She wanted to make sure it went well and to let me know that she was available to answer any additional questions that arose.

I was confident that I made the right choice by calling her, now I needed to put that confidence into being with Bella.

* * *

><p><strong>To: Isabella Swan<strong>

**From: Edward Masen**

**Date: Tuesday, November 15th 2011 3:42 AM**

**Subject: Miss you**

_Dearest Bella, _

_I hope today goes well in court. I'm up early because I miss you so very much. _

_I wish I was there, holding your hand and kissing you before you go off to a day in the courtroom. _

_But that the same time, being apart reminds me daily how much I love you. _

_I can't wait until we are together again; I just pray it will be forever instead of a few days. _

_Until tonight on Skype…_

_With love, _

_Edward _

_Edward Masen_

_Tech Support _

_Cullen, Volturi and Denali Law Firm_


	20. Chapter 20

**Thoughts on posting the rest of this over the next 24 hours... **

**Life Support**

It had been four weeks since Bella had been home. I missed her so much, and with her not here, all of my fears were growing.

We talked daily, but I could tell she was worn out and stressed. Our once nightly Skype dates had turned into maybe twice a week over the last three weeks. It had also been three weeks since I talked to anyone in my family. Without Bella, I had gotten depressed. Very depressed.

She was either too busy or too tired as of late, and as of now, I hadn't gotten to see her on Skype in four days. I understood that work was her first priority, and she promised me that there was nothing between us that was bothering her, but I had a hard time accepting that.

I had a hard time believing that all of my issues were not part of her emotional distance.

If I could manage to be around people, I could be with her: I could have gotten on a plane and gone with her. If I could have managed that, things would be perfect.

I could have spent the last four weeks in bed with her instead of in bed with Jake.

I should be able to do that! I should be with her.

Every day when I went out of the house with Jake, I walked further and further away from home. I walked until I hit busy streets full of people. I walked until I thought there was a slim chance that I would be able to get on a plane to be with her.

But unfortunately, there was no way I could walk to the airport and I had no one to drive me.

* * *

><p>BPOV<p>

Every time I've talked to Edward, I could tell that my words were no longer good enough. It had been a little over four weeks since I was last home. Since everything in our physical relationship took a few hundred steps forward.

The trial was taking over every waking moment I had. I hated that I was seeing Edward so little, but I had to pull this case off.

Tanya wasn't picking up the slack of second chair very well, so the firm sent us another three associates and two paralegals to help.

It was getting extreme. Something that was supposed to have only taken a month with limited staff was now moving on to its sixth week, and we had a whole room full of people working out details that we were blindsided with.

I was hopeful that we would be able to wrap things up and I would be able to go home soon. I missed Edward. I missed his touch; his smell, his arms around me at night.

On my way back to the hotel from the court house, I let my mind drift back to home; back to Edward. It was Friday night and here I was in a cab at nine-thirty at night, three thousand miles from both.

I closed my eyes and thought of every part of him. I needed to get home. It had been almost five weeks since I had seen him in person, and I couldn't handle it.

I pulled my phone out and looked to see if I could book an early morning flight. I didn't care if I was only there for twelve hours, as long as I was there with him.

There was a red eye that left at three in the morning. I emailed the company travel agent to book a seat. I would land in California while Edward was still sleeping. It would be perfect. I could climb into bed with him and get all those things I was missing.

My confirmation email for the flight dinged to my phone as we pulled up to the hotel. I passed the driver a nice tip along with my fare. With a new bounce in my step, I went to the elevator to get up to my room. I had to pack up a few things so I could catch the flight I needed to take.

I slid the key into the door and as I opened it, I knew something was off. Very off. The lights were on in the room and knew I hadn't left them on.

Just as I was about to close the door and head back to the security desk, I heard the most beautiful yet pained sound. Edward's muffled voice.

"Edward?" I said from the entry of the hotel room.

"B-Belllll…." My name trailed off as I heard a thump.

I walked the rest of the way into the room. Edward was curled up on the couch, wrapped in my blanket. A lamp was on the floor next to his makeshift bed.

I ran to him and knelt beside the couch.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, as I ran my hands down his face and through his hair. He was clammy and looked to be in pain.

"I-I ca-came to ss-see you."

"Oh baby," I placed a kiss to his forehead, unsure if he would be able to handle anything more than that.

"I-I mi-missssed you."

"I missed you too. I was getting ready to catch a flight to see you."

His eyes perked up just a bit. "Ri-really?"

"Yeah. I couldn't image going another week without you."

His hand slowly moved from under the blanket to my face. He cupped my cheek and the warmth of his hand felt so good on my face. We sat there and stared at each other, letting our eyes meet for the first time in weeks.

"How did you get here?" I asked him after a few minutes of silence.

He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He closed it and swallowed the lump in his throat. "Air-airplane," he whispered.

"Did you come alone? How did you manage? No wonder you are so shaken up. Baby, I know you missed me and things have been hard, but you didn't need to make yourself suffer."

"I-I needed ta-to see you," he said, pointing to my face with his hand that wasn't on my face.

"I needed to see you too," I said with a smile.

I placed my hand over his and slowly pulled it from my cheek so I could stand.

His breathing picked up and fear and worry were written all over his face.

"Hey, I'm not going anywhere. I was only trying to move so I could sit next to you."

"Ohhh…"

I slowly moved him to a sitting position on the couch and sat next to him. I wrapped him in my arms and rested his head on my chest.

"I can't believe you got on a plane. You didn't have to."

"Oh, he had to," a voice I recognized as Alice said, coming into the sitting area from the bedroom.

"Did you bring him here?" I asked her, confused on where she had been while he was breaking down out here, until I saw her drying her hands on a towel.

"Bella, I hadn't heard from him since right after you left the last time. I went to check on him and he was a complete mess. The house was in shambles. He hadn't showered in days. Jake hadn't been let out in days, as was obvious from; well let's just say it was obvious. I called my mother-in-law and she came over. We didn't know what to do. All he was saying was your name."

My heart ached at the pain he had been in due to my work and me being away. I thought he would be okay, really I did.

"I knew Edward had left the house, so I knew that he was able to do it. I decided in that moment with a bit of drug help from Esme to find a way to get him here. Esme called Carlisle and we were able to fly him out on the corporate jet to lessen the amount of people he was around. Unfortunately, he still had to be pretty drugged to handle the whole process. He is still working out the sedative that Esme gave him to manage the people at the airports and the flight and well, being away from his home. She gave me some pills to help him while he is here as well. So, should he freak out, you will have that to help him."

"You didn't have to do this, Alice."

"Trust me, I did. He needed it. I'm just sorry he wasn't able to work out all of the drugs before you got here. I know he will hate that you have seen him like this. He needs you, Bella. You have become his entire life. Don't forget that. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to head out so you and Edward can have some much needed time. I heard that New York has quite the nightlife, and if I only have a few days to spend here, I want to enjoy it."

"Will you be taking him back with you when you go?" I needed to know how limited my time would be with him.

"No, I think I will leave him with you. Jake is with my in-laws and a cleaning company will be by to sanitize the house and air it out." She paused to wrinkle her nose. "Plus, as hard as it may be for him to be away from home and out of his house, being away from you is even harder. He needs to be here. I hope you are okay with that."

I nodded my head. "More than okay."


	21. Chapter 21

**Life Support**

The longer time went by without seeing Bella, the worse off I had gotten.

I hadn't left the house with Jake in three days. In fact, I hadn't gotten out of bed in three days, except to use the washroom. My clothes were soiled, my bed was raunchy and I was all around a useless mess.

This right here was why I wasn't good enough for Bella. Time passed with us apart and I couldn't handle it. A normal man, he would be able to handle this, I couldn't.

I only moved when my phone rang. If it was Bella, I answered and I did my very best to sound like I wasn't completely broken at the seams. But she had only called twice in the last three days.

She assured me everything was fine, other than her being busy. But every time she assured me, I worried that she was over compensating for something else. That maybe, by chance she was lying to me about how perfect we really were.

My phone rang and my heart sank when I saw it was Alice. She had called me fifteen times in the last day and a half. I didn't care to talk to her. I only cared to talk to Bella.

My sweet, beautiful, perfect Bella.

My eyes closed and I imagined I was with her. That she was in my arms and we were happy. I imagined that I was showing her the things I learned. I imagined what she looked like naked and what I could do to her body.

In my thoughts, I wasn't scared. I wasn't worried. I was confident in what I could do for her. I was confident I would show her as soon as I saw her again.

When my eyes opened, and reality once again set in that Bella wasn't there, my insides felt as if they were being ripped out of me.

Moisture slowly covered my pillow as the tears flowed freely from my eyes.

I wasn't good enough for Bella.

Bella.

Bella.

I hardly noticed as the door to my bedroom was opened.

"Fuck it's disgusting in here, Edward," Alice said as she gagged.

"Bella…" I whispered.

"No Edward, it's Alice and thankfully for that. I don't think Bella would like to see her dog out there playing near his own shit."

Bella.

"Edward, when is the last time you moved?"

I could see her standing before me. She looked to the bed and hesitated before she sat on the edge.

"It stinks in here. What's wrong? Last time we talked, things were good."

Bella.

"Edward, you know I'm not Bella, right?"

My body shook. The tears continued to flow from my eyes. She wasn't Bella…Bella would never come back now.

Alice placed her hand to my forehead briefly before I flinched back.

"Okay, it will be okay."

My eyes closed again and I felt the mattress move as Alice stood up.

She closed the door behind her and I could hear her talking through the door, but it was muffled. Not that I cared to pay attention.

All I wanted was Bella.

When the door opened again, I prayed that time had passed and Bella was back with me.

My body sunk when I realized Esme was there.

"My son, what is happening?" she asked in her motherly voice. She was here as a caregiver, not as a physician.

"Bella…" I whispered. At least, I felt my mouth move, but I wasn't sure the sound came out.

"Alice, what happened?"

"I don't know. I found him like this. Last time we talked, Bella was here and he wanted to kiss her, but ended up passing out. We talked a bit and I didn't hear back, so I assumed all was well. As the weeks passed, I thought I would give him a call to check in. I would have come sooner, but I was busy with work." There was pain in her voice. Did she feel responsible for how useless I was?

"So things with him and her are serious, huh?"

Bella…

"Thinking so. They are living here together, but she's been away. I asked Jasper about her and I guess Carlisle has her out in New York. I think that is the problem. He can't handle her away. Remember when they first met and she left? He just about lost it. I think that's what the problem is now."

"How does this girl have such a reaction on you?" Esme asked.

"Bella is perfect," I whispered.

"I'd say so."

"Esme, he's left the house with her, and without her. He has come far. I think he needs to go be with her."

"I…I don't know. Walking to the mailbox and back is a lot different than flying to the other side of the country."

"He can do it. It might take some meds, and I will stay with him the whole time, but he needs this. Trust me."

The two of them continued to bicker about me and flying to Bella. Esme was on the fence and Alice was all for it.

Esme finally agreed and that was when everything around me went black. Even my thoughts of Bella.

* * *

><p>"Wakie wakie, sunshine," Alice whispered into my ear.<p>

My head was pounding and I felt like I had cement in my shoes.

My shoes? Last I remembered I was in bed. I felt for the warmth of my bed, but it wasn't there. Instead my hands were met with cool leather.

My eyes blinked open and closed. I was in the back of a car. I looked around me, and as my breathing started to increase, it quickly leveled back out.

"Wh-wh-where are we?" I asked.

"Airport. I hope you don't mind, but Esme and I showered and changed you. You stunk, like really bad and as much as I love you, I wasn't going to subject myself to that stank for a flight."

I blinked and looked at my clothes. I was dressed in a pair of sweats pants and a sweat shirt.

"Airport?" I croaked out.

"Yeah, we are going to see your girl."

"Bella?"

"Yep. Now look, I had Esme and Carlisle there to help you from the house to the car, but I really can't carry you to the plane. They have wheelchairs in there, but I need you to help me get you out of the car. Can you manage?"

I nodded my head. I had to try, right?

Alice slid out of the car door and was back quickly with the wheel chair.

It took us a while to get me from point A to point B, but eventually I was there, in a wheelchair like the cripple I felt I was.

Alice pushed the wheelchair and someone else walked behind us with our bags. I realized she must have packed for me.

The airport was relatively empty and that shocked me. I had been expecting something busier, but there wasn't much going on.

Eventually, I realized that it was because we were at the executive airport where the Cullen plane was stored.

As Alice and I waited for boarding, she leaned over to me. "I thought this would be easier on you than getting on a commercial airplane. As much as you have been out of the house, with as down as I saw you earlier, I didn't want to add any stress to you. There will only be a few other people on this flight."

"Th-thank you." I nodded my appreciation. My head felt heavy and I rested it over onto Alice's shoulder.

Normally this wouldn't have been something I would have done, but I felt dead on my ass.

My eyes opened and I was seat belted into the airplane seat.

"Wha-wha, Alice?" My head whipped around as fast as I could move it. It still felt heavy and everything around me was in slow motion. My eyes blinked slowly, but it was clear, Alice wasn't there. "Alice!"

"Shh, chill. I had to go pee. You were crashed out. I didn't think you would be waking any time soon."

Alice patted my shoulder and took a seat next to me.

"Airplane?"

"Yeah, Edward. This is an airplane. We are somewhere over the Midwest by now."

"Ho-ho-how long did I ssleep?

"You have been out about two or so hours."

"Wha' she give me?" My words were slurred.

"Not sure, but it knocked you out, and got you on the plane. She said it would last about twelve hours. So, close your eyes and I will wake you when we land."

I think I nodded my head as the meds once again took over my body.

* * *

><p>The cool New York air slapped me awake. Alice was wheeling me out of the airport when I came to.<p>

I looked around and the world seemed to be moving in slow motion.

People were walking around me, almost touching my arms and legs as they over hung the sides of the wheelchair. Every time I thought my breathing was going to increase, it leveled out.

Whatever Esme gave me had definitely helped. I hated that I was medicated and I prayed it would wear off before I was face to face with Bella, but at least it got me to her. That was all that really mattered.

The whole experience was trying, and I was asleep for most of it. I would have hated to see how this would have turned out had I been awake and not at peace in my mind.

"Okay, Mister, I will need your help again."

My head rolled to the side. You would have thought that six or seven hours after the meds were given I would be less of a ball of mush, but I wasn't.

I smiled up at Alice, well I think I did. I attempted a smile and that's what counts.

She rolled her eyes in some crazy slow motion way as she helped me into the car that had pulled up in front of us.

I tried hard to keep my eyes open and focused as we drove to wherever it was we were going. If I had to be out, I wanted to see the world around me. I knew the chance that I would ever get to go to New York again was slim to none, so I needed to make the best of it.

The car pulled to a stop and I was again awoken by the door being opened. I had missed the entire drive.

Somehow I made it, on my feet from the car to the reception desk at the hotel.

"Bella?"

"She will be around later."

Alice helped support me in the lobby and then to the elevator after a quick stop at the concierge to pick up an envelope.

"Now, Bella won't be here for a bit, so you can rest and maybe work all these drugs out of your system."

"Mmmmkay." My head felt heavy again as the elevator opened.

I shuffled my feet down the hall, and it was a very long hall, until Alice stopped at a door.

She slid a key in and when the door opened, I knew Bella had been here. The smell of her soap and perfume flooded my senses.

"Bella…"

"Yeah, this is her room. Soon she will be here. It's already seven, so I would hope in a few hours she will be here."

"Bella," I said again with a smile on my face.

I was ready to see my girl.


	22. Chapter 22

I had a moment where I thought I posted the last two chapters backward - but then I realized, I wrote it that way. Total blonde moment!

**Life Support**

With a little help from Edward, I was able to get him into bed and woke the following morning with his hands running through my hair.

"Morning beautiful," he said with a clear voice, when I rolled over to look at him.

"Good morning to you too. How are you feeling?"

"Wonderful." He placed a kiss on my cheek, right next to my lips. "I don't really remember last night, so I'm sorry if I said or did anything stupid. It was worth it to wake up next to you, though."

"Don't be sorry. I'm happy you found a way to be here. I'm more than willing to deal with the issues that are side effects from that trip."

"I love you, Bella," he said as he placed a kiss to my lips.

We broke apart long enough for me to pass along the same words of love to him.

Our lips met again and it was as if all the time we had been apart was washed away in that one kiss.

"God, I missed you," he panted, as his lips trailed down my neck. His lips! Where did this come from?

"I missed you too, but where did…" but my words were cut off as his hands gripped my sides and pulled me on top of him.

"It came from being apart for far too long after the last time we were together. I've been thinking about this, practicing it in my mind for weeks." His hands explored my clothed body as his mouth placed kisses on my face, neck and the part of my chest that was exposed.

"Never be away from me again?" he asked between his kisses.

"I never want to be away from you," I moaned, as my hands slipped under the bottom of his shirt.

His movements stopped when I placed my hands on his skin.

"I can move them."

"No, it's okay. More than okay. I've missed your touch. I never had someone touching me when I planned out how this would all work," he whispered.

Our eyes met and all the raw emotion in Edward's eyes was evident. He wanted more…

His movements on my body progressed. His hands moved higher up my shirt until his they were right below my breasts.

"Are you sure you're ready?" I asked, praying he would say he was, but not wanting to rush him after the state he was in last night.

"I think so. I s-spent a lot of time th-thinking about th-this."

I lifted myself up so my hips were right over his. I could feel his desire to continue between my legs. He was hard, solid enough to be in me, to become part of me.

As I leaned back above him, I slid my night shirt off, exposing myself to him.

Edward sucked in a breath and closed his eyes.

"You sure that you're sure?"

"P-p-positive," he said as he reached up and placed his hands around my breasts.

I slowly rocked my hips as he moved his hands on my chest. As my nipples hardened, he moved his hands to pinch them.

"C-can I…" but his words trailed off, and embarrassment took over. It was written all over his bright red face.

"You can do anything you want to do. You don't have to ask," I told him with as much confidence as I could put behind my words. I didn't want him to think for a single moment I was doubting being with him.

"Oh-okay."

He slowly lifted himself up and pulled me down toward him, until his mouth was within licking distance of my nipple.

I sucked in a breath in anticipation of what was about to happen. His tongue slowly pushed its way between his lips, parting them.

"Oh, Bella, I-I hope I d-do th-this right."

"Take a deep breath. There is no doing this wrong. You will do it perfectly."

He nodded his head, just barely, before his tongue touched the erect tip of my nipple. His movements were slow and almost calculated. He lightly licked it before he opened his mouth more and let my nipple into his mouth. He sucked the one while his other hand still kneaded the nipple he wasn't sucking on.

I had been trying to keep the movement with my hips slow, but now that he was causing this type of sensation in my body, I was dying for more.

My hips started to grind harder against his very erect penis. He paused his movements on my nipple only minutely before he continued as if nothing different was happening.

I grinded myself on him, feeling the moisture pool between my legs. The movements he was making with his mouth were pure perfection. If I didn't know better, I would have thought he had done this before.

I tried to warn him, I really did, but it all happened so fast. I applied a bit more pressure in my movements and before I knew what I was doing, my hands were lightly tugging on Edward's hair as I came, hard.

My body tensed and I moaned out in the most intense pleasure.

"Holy…holy shit, Edward," I moaned out, as I attempted to catch my breath.

"Oh, oh did you…you know…" his face blushed at his inability to say the word.

"Like never before," I said with a smile.

"I did that for you?" he asked, suddenly shocked.

"You did, now can I do the same for you?" I asked as I started to rock my hips again.

He nodded his head slowly.

"Are you sure? Tell me."

"Y-yes…ppppp-pl-please."

I placed my hands on Edward's shoulders, pushed slightly so he would drop back to the bed.

"Relax. You are in my hands and you are safe."

He rested back, but his body was still a bit rigid.

As I slowly increased my movements, his body relaxed under me.

I ran my hands over his chest as I rubbed my center against him. His body was relaxed, his eyes were closed and based on the look on his face, he was enjoying the sensations my movements were causing in his body.

As soon as I felt the unmistakable tightening between my legs again, I knew I was about to come again. Thankfully at the same moment, Edward's eyes flew open and his hands were on my hips trying to still my movements.

I knew why he was trying to stop me, and I knew I couldn't stop. If I stopped, he would never break past this part of the physical contact.

I placed my hands over his and continued to ride him until we both came together.

As soon as the pleasure had worked its way through Edward's body, it was clear to see that he was getting tense.

I blew the hair out of my eyes that had fallen into my face before I leaned forward so our chests were touching. I held myself up with my arms and looked him in the eye.

"Don't freak out, baby. That was amazing."

"H-how? I-I didn't even g-get ya-your ppantss off."

"Really? Edward, you got me off – twice! That is not something to freak about. You should be rejoicing! You've done something most men can't manage even with a diagram." I placed a kiss to his forehead before rolling off of him.

I worried I went too far, and he would let his thoughts overtake him, so I wrapped my legs and arms around him and curled my body against his side.

"I love you, Edward."

"I love you too, Bella. I'm happy I'm with you."

* * *

><p>After we both took respective showers to clean ourselves up, we curled back in bed with a room service platter.<p>

As I fed Edward cheese and grapes, the look on his face was one of complete satisfaction.

I popped a grape into my mouth before I moved the tray from the bed.

"Edward, what happened?" I asked as I curled against his side.

He was propped against the headboard with pillows. He placed his hand in my hair and lightly ran his fingers through the strands.

"What do you mean?" he asked. His voice was shaking.

"What happened that you needed to be medicated to come to me?"

Edward took a deep breath. I rolled so I could see his face. His eyes were closed and he no longer looked satisfied.

"I missed you, Bella. I missed you so very much. I couldn't take being away from you anymore."

"But there had to have been more than that, Edward. Talk to me, please."

"Do we have to talk about this?"

"Edward, the last time we talked on the phone, you said you were fine. I know you were trying to be strong for me. It was obvious, but I need you to be honest with me now. What happened and why didn't you talk to me about it?"

We sat in silence. I watched Edward's face and I could tell me was debating what he wanted to share with me.

"I didn't want you to feel like I'm a fuck up. I don't want you to think I can't do it without you."

"Edward, I would never think that."

He took a deep breath. "B-Bella, so much has changed since we met. I'm having a bit of a hard time."

I rolled around again and sat on my knees so we were eye to eye.

"I know things have changed, Edward. I hate that it is hard for you. Is it me? Is having me part of your life causing a problem?"

"No, Bella, not at all. I have a hard time when you're not with me. I've gotten used to you there with me. Then when you're not, I worry. Before you, I was happy in my boring life. I was happy never leaving and talking to no one and being with no one. But then you came into the picture and I worry what will happen to me when you leave."

"I'm not leaving you, Edward. Ever."

"But things happen. You could leave." I raised an eyebrow at him, but I didn't want to cut him off again. "Even if you don't plan to leave, things happen. And you've changed my life so much, that I don't know what I would do if I had to go back to being without you. I adore you and I've loved how I've changed since I've been with you, but if it hadn't been for you, I never would have changed."

"You don't know you wouldn't have."

"Bella, I never wanted to change before I met you. Now that I've changed, at least a little, my world feels like a tornado. I think that's why things went so crappy at home without you. I worried about how I would manage. I worried if I would be able to keep going without you. At the end, before Alice brought me here, I stopped going. I'm sorry I couldn't keep at it without you."

"I wish you had told me, Edward." I leaned in and placed a kiss on his jaw.

"I didn't want you to think I was pathetic."

"I could never think that of someone I love."

The pain that had been written all over Edward's face slowly washed away. His hands reached out to me, pulling me onto his lap.

"Thank you for loving me, Bella," he whispered as his lips met mine.


	23. Chapter 23

**Life Support**

I had been in New York with Bella for three weeks. Tomorrow was our flight home – together. The jury just came back and Bella was there to hear the verdict.

I had occasionally ventured out of the room, but for the most part, I stayed in. When Bella left, I would pull out my laptop and work. When she was off, we would spend time together, not that she was off a lot. She really did work nonstop.

When we would go out, it was never anywhere with a lot of people. I wasn't sure I would be able to handle that.

Our physical relationship also progressed, but I had yet to get her pants off.

She did get mine off though – a few times. I hated that she was able to touch me there, and I was able to allow her to, but I still couldn't keep my breathing level to touch her there without her clothes on.

I sat back and thought about the first time she got my pants off. It felt wrong to think about, but if I wanted to keep moving forward with her, which I did want, I needed to think about what it felt like to be with her.

Bella had just gotten back from a long day at court and she was obviously drained. She told me it had been a bad day.

I had only been there about four days at this point, and I wasn't sure what to do. I wanted to console her. I wanted to make her night better than her day had been.

I ordered in room service and asked if they had pistachio ice cream. They didn't. I offered the guy a hundred bucks to go and get some for us.

I told Bella to take a hot bath while I waited on dinner.

By the time she came out, I had set a few candles around the room and dimmed the overhead lights. She looked happier and more relaxed after the bath, and then a beautiful smile covered her face as she saw what all I had done for her for dinner.

"Edward, you didn't have to do all of this," she said as she placed a kiss to my cheek.

"You deserve this and more." I pulled the chair out for her and she took a seat before a dinner of pasta and chicken.

We talked a little about her day and the issues in court. She feared the trial was slipping away from them.

I wished there was something I could do for her, but I knew there wasn't much I could help with.

We ended up on the couch with her curled in my arms. There wasn't anywhere I wanted to be more than right there, and I hoped there wasn't anywhere else she wanted to be either.

She played with the zipper on my sweater as she stared at me.

We didn't talk; we simply looked at each other as our hands moved to provide the comfort we both needed.

My hands moved to her hair. I let the strands run between my fingers as I moved the hair that had fallen into her face.

Her hands moved from my zipper to my face.

"Thank you for the lovely evening." She leaned forward and kissed the side of my lips.

"You're welcome."

I smiled at her, unsure of what else to say.

"Can I repay you?" she asked, with a shy smile.

"You, uh, you don't have to."

"I _want_ to."

She threw her right leg over my body, so she was straddling my lap. She placed a kiss to my lips, her tongue slowly tracing mine, until I let it into my mouth. My arms, as if on instinct, wrapped around her, so I could place my hands in her hair. She did the same and played with the ends of my hair at the base of my neck. My hair was a bit longer than normal now, so she was able to easily play with the strands.

We continued to kiss; our tongues tangled together, until she tugged a bit harder on my hair and broke our kiss.

She must have realized it before I consciously did, I was hard, and it was obvious as my erection pressed between her legs. She pushed herself against me and my eyes closed as the pleasure flowed through my body just by that small touch.

I knew I had managed so much of my life without being with a woman, but now that I had been with Bella, as much as we had been, I wouldn't want to live without it. Her touch was amazing.

She changed me. She truly had.

Before having her, I didn't know what I was missing, but now that I knew what I was missing, I didn't ever want to be without it again. I never wanted to be without her.

She placed her lips to my neck and kissed up and down from the base of my ear to the top of my shirt. She rubbed herself on me and her kissing continued, until I felt her body tense.

"I guess that wasn't just for you, but me as well." Her voice was breathy. She sounded so turned on. All of those voices in the pornos I watched were never real. But when Bella was aroused her voice sounded like it should sound after physical enjoyment like this, not how those girls talked. How little I knew.

She kissed my lips, which was a good thing; because I didn't think I could have formed a coherent sentence at that moment.

She slowly slid her body down mine. She paused for a moment as her breasts ran over my crotch and my breathing picked up.

Wow, that was a sight to see.

Bella smiled at me. "I will have to remember that, so we can try it some time," she said before she continued down, until she was kneeling on the floor in front of the couch.

I liked her chest over my crotch, but I wasn't sure what there was to try…

She now was between my legs and I didn't know what she planned to do, but I wasn't sure I was okay with what she was planning.

Her hands made their way up my legs to my waist.

"Bella…I-I don't know…"

"Don't protest, just feel and enjoy." She popped the button on my jeans.

"Bella…" I wanted to say more, but the sound of the zipper on my jeans sliding down, broke my train of thought.

"Lift your hips, please." Her hands were on the top of my pants, ready to pull them down.

"I-I-I-I."

She stood and placed her lips to mine and gave me the deepest, most passionate kiss we had ever shared.

"Don't think, just let me do this. Okay?"

I swallowed the massive lump in my throat. "Oh, uh, okay." I tried to sound confident, but I was terrified. I didn't know if I would be able to do this.

She lightly pressed her hands to my chest, pushing me against the back of the couch. She then ran her hands down my sides and gripped the top of my pants.

She urged me a bit, but I lifted my hips, so she could pull my jeans and boxers down.

I hadn't expected her to pull my boxers down, and it shocked me, but it was too late to stop her.

I was torn. Physically I wanted this. Mentally I just wasn't sure. Of course I wanted to be with Bella; I always wanted to be with her, but I wasn't sure I wouldn't pass out from what was about to happen.

She slowly pulled my pants and boxers the rest of the way off. Her eyes stayed on my face. I must not have been giving her a look of worry or panic, because as she flung my pants across the room, the most beautiful smile appeared on her face.

She sat tall on her knees and her face was _right_ there. Her breath blowing across my penis with every exhale.

"B-Bella, I-I don't th-think y-you shh-"

She cut me off. She never had done that before. "I'm not going to. Don't worry and don't work yourself up to the point that you can't enjoy this."

Before I had time to think about what she was going to do, her hand wrapped around my shaft, right at the base. She slowly and tightly ran her hand up to the tip.

Wow, that felt amazing.

Some stuff leaked out of the top of my penis. She ran the tips of her fingers over the top and used the moisture to coat me.

Her hand now moved without restriction up and down me.

I couldn't believe how different it felt to have Bella do this to me, than to do it to myself. It was beyond amazing.

I wanted to watch her, but my eyes closed against my will. I could still feel her breath on me. Her mouth was so close. I hoped she understood there was no way I could handle that.

My eyes fluttered open when I felt her lay her head on my leg. Her hand still moving up and down my shaft. The fingers on her other hand would occasionally run along the underside of my balls.

They would tighten up with each touch.

"Let go, Edward. Let your body enjoy this." Bella's tongue came out from between her lips. My eyes stayed open, but not on the act she was performing, but on her face.

The tension between my legs was growing. I knew I was about to get off, but her face was right there. I couldn't.

I shook my head no. I knew I wouldn't be able to speak and tell her no.

"Edward, let go. It will be worth it." She turned her head and placed a small kiss to my thigh, right at the base of my penis. Even though I didn't want to do it with her face right there, I couldn't help myself.

A few squirts of white, warm liquid came out of me and onto my shirt.

I felt myself shake in Bella's hand. I couldn't believe that just happened. It was amazing, but still a huge step I didn't expected us to take. At least not yet, if ever.

"Was it okay?" Bella asked from her perch still right next to my penis.

"Uhhh huh." I wanted to say more, but I was shocked. Completely shocked. That was amazing, shockingly amazing.

Bella released me and handed me a pillow to cover myself with. She stood and placed a kiss to my cheek.

"Baby steps will get us there," she whispered into my ear, before she walked to the bedroom and brought me back a pair of pajama pants and a new shirt.

Even with what had just happened, I wasn't sure I wanted to get completely naked in front of her.

I slipped my feet into the pants and pulled them almost all the way up before removing the pillow, and then I lifted my pants the rest of the way up. I then pulled my shirt off and changed it.

I didn't know how to express to Bella my thanks, because I really didn't know what the standard thank you was for a hand job. I was sure it was to return the gesture, but I didn't know if I should or if I _could_.

Bella sat next to me on the couch once I was changed.

"Thank you," I whispered to her.

"No need to thank me," she said with a smile.

"I need to give you something."

"You don't."

"I want to." With that, I moved closer to her on the couch. I hadn't a clue what I was doing as I reached over and unfolded her legs, so I could get my hand between them.

That was the first time I got her off with my fingers.

If only I had gotten her pants off as well.


	24. Chapter 24

**Life Support**

I danced into the hotel room, ready to party in the only way I could with Edward – together and alone.

"We won!" I yelled, as I made my way into the bedroom, where Edward was hard at work on his laptop.

"Really? Not that I didn't think you would, but I'm so happy it all worked out!"

His excitement mirrored mine, as he shut the top of his laptop and came and picked me up. He spun me in a circle as he placed his lips to mine and kissed me.

"God, I'm so happy for you!"

"I'm so happy we get to go home!" I hadn't been home now in months. I was dying to get back into our bed. Yes, having Edward in bed with me at the hotel was nice, but it wasn't our bed. It didn't have the same feel to it that our bed had.

"Yeah, I'm happy for that too." He slowly set me down. As his hands moved from around my waist and slowly up my body, his eyes never left mine.

He cupped my face in his hands.

"God, Bella, you are beautiful."

"Well, thank you. You're pretty amazing yourself." I winked at him as he placed his forehead against mine.

"Shall we celebrate?" he asked me.

"Of course! It's our last night in New York, what do you want to do?"

A look of lust and desire came over him.

"I-I want," he paused and took a deep breath. "I want you," he whispered out.

"Edward-" I started, but he cut me off.

"Bella, I thought about it. Let me try and have you like you've had me."

I nodded my head. Who was I to say no, if he was saying he was ready.

I had spent time over the last few weeks getting to know the man underneath the clothes. I guess it was about time he got to know the woman underneath mine.

He took a step back and a deep breath. His hands were shaking just a little.

"If it gets to be too much for you, you can stop," I reassured him.

"I'll be fine." His voice was firm. His hands continued to shake, as he reached out to the buttons on the front of my blouse.

Slowly, he undid the eight or so buttons, before he placed his hands right next to each of my breasts and pushed my shirt down my arms with his hands trailing behind the falling shirt.

His hands stayed on my wrists for a few minutes, as he stared at my breasts. My nipples were hard and pressed against the thin, white lace of my bra.

His fingertips ran up my arms and to my chest.

"Looking at you is never a sight I will tire of. You're beautiful." His voice was quiet, but firm. He was confident in this moment. I prayed his confidence wouldn't waver with the more clothes that came off.

He cleared his throat and dragged his eyes from my face to my still covered bottom half.

"Turn, turn around." His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed.

"Are you sure?" He was starting to look a bit nervous.

"Y-yeah." He paused. "Yes, I'm sure."

I turned on my heels and I faced the wall. There was a mirror and I could see him behind me. He looked like he was struggling. His hands came up from his sides to ghost over my hips, before he dropped them.

He did this about three times, before I felt the weight of his hands on my hips, just above my ass.

He lightly squeezed my hips, before his hands moved slowly to the zipper on the back of my skirt.

His left hand held on to my side, as his right slowly undid the zipper that went down my backside.

He moved both of his hands back to my hips. My skirt fell to my feet. He pressed his front against my back. His head rested on my shoulder as he looked at me in the mirror.

"You are beautiful, Bella." His right hand moved from my hip to my lower abdomen. Goose bumps appeared all over my body. His touch was feather light and I was dying to feel more of it.

His breathing was even, but I could feel his heart pounding against my back.

The tip of his pinky ran across the top of my underwear. The only thing between us was a small piece of lace.

My heart started to race. It was matching Edward's. Mine was racing from desire and excitement. I was unsure if his was racing from the same, or if he was about to panic.

"Are you okay?" I asked in a breathy moan of a voice.

"Yeah." His voice was husky and there wasn't the slightest bit of anxiety in it. "I want to touch you."

"You are."

"No, I want to touch you there." His hips pressed against my almost bare ass. His erection was obvious as it pressed against me.

Edward had gotten very confident in letting me know when he was aroused. I was thankful for that, because I was more than willing to act on his needs. I knew persistence would pay off and he would eventually be ready to do the same for me.

The fact that he had zero experience before me made it all harder on him than it was on me.

I honestly didn't think we would get to this place where he was ready to touch me so fast, but I wasn't going to complain. Even if he was unable to finish, I would still take what he was able to give.

"Then touch me," I whispered. I turned my head and kissed his cheek. He was still looking at our reflection in the mirror.

His hand started to move just a bit lower. His pinky was right above my clit. He was unbelievably close to touching me. The lace didn't provide much coverage, so it felt like we were skin to skin.

He moved a bit more, and my legs spread just a tiny bit to give him the access I hoped he wanted.

He took my movement as his permission and his pinky wiggled down and pressed right on my clit.

His touch was still light, but he was there. He had touched me here with clothes on, but that was nothing compared to this.

"Oh, wow," he whispered, "that's not what I expected."

Slowly, the rest of his hand moved down. With every movement, my panties got a tiny bit wetter. I was so aroused. So ready to feel him – skin on skin.

I knew it wouldn't take much for him to make me come. I had been dying for his touch for months.

His fingers lightly ran over me.

"I don't know what I'm doing…"

"You are doing fine," I told him. "Just do what you think you should. We all start somewhere."

"Help me?" he asked, looking at me in the mirror. Our eyes met.

"I'll help you when and if I think you need it. Right now, I think you are doing wonderful."

"Okay." He took a deep breath and moved his hand so he was cupping my crotch. His palm just above my clit and his fingers right at my entrance; if only my panties weren't there, he could have easily slid in.

His index finger wiggled just a tiny bit and slid under my panties. His finger, with no restrictions slowly entered into me.

"Holy shit!" he panted. His body rested against mine. I worried that if I moved, he would fall over. "It's so warm and wet and w-wow."

I didn't know what to say to him. If he was anyone else that wasn't in the situation Edward was in, I would tell him to wait until he felt it with his dick. But then I thought, why treat him like he isn't like everyone else.

"Just wait, baby," I panted back, wishing he would move his fingers. "Wait until you are inside of me. Then you will see how amazing it really is." I pressed my ass against his cock and he squirmed against me.

"Oh, oh, oh…" his words trailed off and his body went rigid behind me.

Lost in the moment for only a second, I realized Edward was breathing way too fast. If he kept it up, he was likely to pass out.

"Shit, are you okay?" His face was down against my shoulder, his hand still between my legs, but it had gone limp.

"Yeah," he took a slow, deep breath, "I just enjoyed that though too much."

"Do you want to stop?" I asked, praying he would say no.

"Hell no. I want to get to that point, s-so I ca-can see if it really is that amazing."

Oh well damn, maybe he is ready for this, I thought to myself.

With as much force as Edward had ever used on me, he placed both of his hands on my shoulders and spun me around.

He pressed his body against mine and his lips on mine. His hands found my ass as he walked us back to the bed.

"Lay down for me?" he asked.

I wasn't going to object. I sat on the bed and kicked my heels off before I slid up to the headboard.

He stood there, and stared at me.

"Can you take that off?" His eyes were on my bra.

I slid my hands behind my back and undid the clasp. I let it slowly fall, before throwing it across the room.

"And uh, and those." His eyes were now locked on the spot between my legs.

"You sure?"

"Stop asking me that," he snapped. He took a deep breath and looked at my face. "If I wasn't sure, I wouldn't have asked," he said a little calmer.

I cleared my throat. I suddenly felt like the virgin who was far too shy to show her body. I gripped the top of my panties and slowly slid them down.

Edward stood at the end of the bed, his eyes on my face. I threw my panties to the side and crossed my legs.

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you, Edward."

He took a deep breath and blew it out before he let his eyes wander down my bare body. He took his time looking me over. He had never seen me completely naked before and he sure seemed to want to take it all in.

"Uh, un, uh, uncross them." He blew out another breath. "Let me see you."

His breathing hitched and he looked like he might possibly pass out as I opened my legs up. I knew he had watched porn. He knew what it looked like, but he also had never seen it in the flesh.

He slowly sat on the end of the bed. His eyes still focused between my legs.

His tongue came out between his lips and moistened them.

"I, Bella, I don't know what to do," he whispered.

"You don't have to do anything. We can stop." I reached over to pull the blanket over my body.

"No, just because I don't know what to do, doesn't mean I don't want to try." His voice was barely a whisper, but his words were solid and defined. He wasn't showing any outward signs of anxiety.

I moved the blanket so I was again, completely exposed to him.

He looked over my body. Most men would make you feel like you were a piece of meat, but Edward, the way he looked at me made my body flush and feel beautiful; as if I was the most priced treasure he had ever encountered.

Granted, I guess I was.

"You are beautiful," he said as his hand finally moved toward my body again.

He placed his right hand on my ankle and moved it slowly up my body, as he turned so he was on his knees, moving to the top of the bed. Moving slowly closer to me.

His hand stayed on my leg and the higher he moved, the higher his hand moved.

He knelt beside me, his hand resting on my inner thigh. If he moved his hand a mere centimeter over, he would be able to feel the moisture between my legs.

His eyes were on mine. With the slowest movement possible, his fingers wiggled their way to the small patch of hair above my clit.

"I don't know what to do, Bella."

"Don't think about it. Just feel. You can't mess this up. I promise." I hoped my words would help him overcome his fear of failure.

"What, what if I don't make you enjoy it?"

"Don't worry about that. Focus on feeling, the rest will fall into place." I moved my torso forward, so I could place a kiss to his cheek. My movement, though I didn't intend it to, helped his fingers find connection with me.

With one finger sliding into the warmth and another on my clit, Edward stilled.

"Now what do I do?" he asked.

"Well, what do you want to do?" It took everything I had not to place my hand over his and help him. His movements were painfully slow and I was dying to feel everything he had to offer. I knew if he tried, he would succeed.

"I want to make you feel good. Help me? Please."

I moved my right hand so it was over his.

With our fingers together, I slid our index fingers into me. I couldn't help but moan as our fingers slid all the way in.

"Wow, it's such a weird texture." He wiggled his finger around just a bit, exploring the inside of me.

"Yeah, I guess." I removed my finger and let him feel around. "Move it in and out. You can put another one in there too."

He took a deep breath. "Okay." He nodded his head and did as I said.

With two fingers, he slowly slid them in and out of me a few times.

"Am I doing it right?"

I nodded my head, as I started to move my hips along with his fingers. Soft moans came from my mouth. He really knew what he was doing for being new to this.

His other hand that had been resting on the bed next to us, moved to my exposed breast.

His hand massaged it, as he slowly moved his fingers in and out of me.

"Now what? Or is that all I do?"

I stilled my hips, and took a few deep breaths. "Now, now pull your fingers out." He did. "And move them to right here," I said as I placed my hand on his again and moved his two fingers that were covered in my wetness to my clit.

"Rub there. It's sensitive."

He again did as I said. With his other hand he continued to roll my nipple between his fingers.

My body was on fire. I couldn't help to squirm at his touch. His fingers moved with the expertise of a man that had been with a woman before. He didn't move like a virgin or a man that had never seen a woman in the flesh before.

Before I realized it, I felt the tightening in my lower abdomen and the sensations that ran down to my core.

I let out one last moan, as my eyes closed and I came by Edward's fingers.

"Was, was that right?" he whispered when my eyes opened. He was looking at me, his eyes showing a tiny bit of worry, but mostly pride.

"That was perfect," I told him with a smile. "If you want to feel how right it was, move your fingers back down."

He did, and a smile broke out on his face. It was like a kid on Christmas morning. He got the gift he wanted more than anything – to feel me after he got me off.


	25. Chapter 25

**Life Support**

Bella, still naked, wrapped herself in a sheet and cuddled against my side.

I ran my hands through her hair as she rested her head on my chest. I wondered if she was bothered that I hadn't washed my hands and they had just been inside of her, but she didn't seem bothered, so who was I to care?

I smiled as I thought about the fact that I managed to get her off, and not just once, but twice. After the first time, I decided to try again; to see if it was a fluke that I succeeded the first time.

Watching her body shake and tense up before she relaxed, let me know I managed twice.

Her breathing was now relaxed and I wondered if she was asleep.

I loved that she was comfortable enough to sleep on me like this. Granted, I was just as comfortable with her.

I just wasn't sure if I was comfortable enough to tell her what I had been doing before she got here. I had spent the last two hours before she got to the hotel looking over all of the diagrams and information that Doctor Black had sent to me.

I knew I needed to be confident and capable.

I worried that if Bella had lost her case, she would need a pick me up, and if she won, she would want to celebrate. I was happy this was a celebrating time, instead of me trying to make her forget a loss.

Bella's hands pushed their way out from the cocoon that the sheet had made around her. She moved them until they were under the bottom of my shirt.

Her fingers brushed lightly over the skin of my lower abdomen.

"You are wonderful, Edward," she lightly whispered.

"I don't know about all of that."

"Well, I say you are and what I say goes. I'm so proud of you. I can't believe you were able to handle that."

I moved my arms, so she had to move to look at me. We were face to face; I needed to look at her. "I can do whatever I put my mind to. I think you were the one that told me that. I needed to do this for you. I needed to do this for us. You being in this one sided relationship isn't fair." I pulled her face to mine and placed my lips on hers. "I love you, Isabella Swan. You make me want to be like every other guy," I said once we broke our kiss.

"I don't want you like everyone else. I like you just as you are." Her lips met mine again as she climbed up onto my lap. The sheet slowly fell to her waist as our bodies molded together.

"I want you just as you are, forever," she moaned, as she pulled my shirt over my head.

She nipped at my lips as her hands trailed around my torso.

"I want you forever as well," I told her as we got into a rhythm of pleasing one another again.

* * *

><p>Last night was by far the best night of my life. Bella and I spent the whole time in bed. We ordered in room service and spent hours completely exploring one another.<p>

My clothes never completely came off and we never went further than we had previously. But still, it was nice to continue to move forward with Bella.

I now sat at the small table in our room, waiting for the driver to come pick us up.

I was a little nervous to leave. On the way here, I was completely sedated. I didn't remember the flight. I didn't remember being around all those people. This time, I would be hand in hand with Bella. If I freaked out, she would see it. If I collapsed or froze up, she would see it. I knew she had seen me like that before, but that was a while ago. Time had passed and I didn't know how she would handle it after all that we've shared.

The phone in the room rang and I was startled.

Bella answered and quickly disconnected the call.

"The driver is here. You ready?" she asked, as she quickly did one last run around the room to make sure she had everything.

"Y-yeah."

She stopped what she was doing and looked at me from across the room. "You will be okay, Edward. I will hold your hand the whole time. If you need it, I still have those pills from Esme too."

I nodded my head. I knew she could make me numb if it got to be too much, but I didn't want to have to do that.

There was a knock at the door before the bellhop let himself in. He grabbed the bags that were lined up by the door and placed them on his rolling cart.

Bella grabbed her purse and my hand and we walked out of the room. She was talking casually with the bellhop. I was trying to zone out what was about to happen.

I kept my eyes on Bella and let her direct me to the elevator and then through the crowded lobby. She was amazing with her navigational skills and was able to keep me from coming into contact with anyone in the lobby.

The cool air hit my face as we walked out the entry of the hotel. There was a limo at the entrance; the driver stood outside holding the door open for us. Once Bella and I were both in the car, the driver helped the bellhop load the bags.

Bella's hand was still tightly wrapped around mine.

"You're doing amazing, baby."

"We haven't gone anywhere yet," I mumbled back to her.

"True. Well, if it gets to be too much, tell me."

"I will," I whispered back. I knew Bella wanted to keep my head level, but the more we talked about what was about to happen, the more I had to regulate myself from freaking out.

I kept my eyes on the floor of the car, right by Bella's foot.

The driver lowered the divider and let us know we would be leaving now.

Bella thanked him and he raised the glass, so we had privacy.

"Love you, Edward. I can't wait to get home. I've missed that place so bad."

"Love you. I can't wait either." My voice was flat. It wasn't that I didn't love her, or that I wasn't excited, I was simply scared shitless.

She wrapped her other hand around our hands. She laid her head on my shoulder and tried her best to comfort me, without making me look like a baby.

God, I loved this girl.

The drive to the airport went good. Bella stayed snuggled up close to me. She told me she was cold. I told her I was just as cold. We kept each other safe and warm.

* * *

><p>Bella held me close to her as we walked into the airport. We were at LaGuardia and it was packed! Maybe a mid-afternoon Saturday flight wasn't the best of ideas.<p>

I didn't let go of Bella except when we went through the metal detectors and that was not easy. I held on to her for dear life, holding up the line behind us. People were yelling and visibly annoyed. After a small talk between Bella and me, I finally decided to let her go. That was the most painful thing ever.

It may have only been a few moments, but it was enough to make me feel like I was dying inside.

Once we were though the security check points and waiting at the gate, Bella gave me a small pill. I knew what it was. It was going to make me numb. I knew why she was giving it to me. It wasn't for her sanity, it was for mine.

She knew that this was hard on me. I was hopeful that with her, I would be able to manage anything, even a crowded airport. I guess I was wrong.


	26. Chapter 26

**Life Support**

The sun was warm and bright; very strange, even for central California in the beginning of January. Wearing only a light jackets, Bella ran around the backyard with Jake on her heels.

Other than when we were in bed together, I don't think I had ever seen Bella this happy. She was happy to be home; something she had told me about thirty times since we walked through the door two days ago.

I sat on the porch watching my girl run, and God, she was a sight.

Moments like these, when she's completely carefree, they make all the changes I've made worth it. To know that she is this happy gives me reason to give her more.

Bella ran up to me and Jake hopped up on my lap and licked my cheek.

"What ya' thinking about, baby?" she asked me, shielding her eyes from the sun.

"Just about you," I said back with a smile.

"Oh? Anything you want to share?" She patted Jake on his back, causing him to jump off my lap so she could take a seat.

"Just about how much I love you. How happy I am to have you. How I love I get to share these moments with you."

"These and many more." She placed a tender kiss to my lips before pulling away.

My eyes bore into hers as she pulled away. I placed my hands on the back of her head and pulled her back to me. Her mouth granted me access and we kissed. I showed her the desire I had for her. The want I had for her. I gave her everything I had in that kiss.

By the time we broke apart, we were both panting and I was noticeably aroused.

Without a second thought, I wrapped her in my arms and carried her into the house. She giggled and trailed kisses down my neck.

I had a hard time carrying her when she was giving me physical affection, but I had my mind at the end prize and I needed to get there.

I kicked the bedroom door open and rushed to the bed, thankful Esme had hired such a good team to clean my house while we were gone.

I set Bella down and pulled back. I stared at her lying in front of me on the bed. Her cheeks were flushed, a little bit from the wind outside and I hoped a little bit from being turned on as well.

I closed my eyes and thought of all the wonderful things we had done in New York. I was ready for more.

When I opened my eyes, Bella was resting up on her elbows looking at me. I looked back at her, hopeful my face showed her that what I was about to do, was exactly what I wanted.

I quickly unzipped my coat and pulled my shirt over my head.

I didn't want to lose my nerve, so I kept up with the speedy undress. As my pants, followed by my socks and boxers, fell to the floor, Bella looked at me with a small bit of worry.

I climbed on top of her, completely naked and pressed my body against hers. My erection was pressed against her crotch and the warmth from between her legs was something I wanted more of. I placed my lips on hers, before trailing my mouth down her neck and to the tiny part of her exposed chest.

I pulled back, immediately needing to remedy the fact that she was still dressed.

I took a slow, deep breath, then another, before I placed my hands on the zipper of her sweater and pulled it down.

I took my time undressing her. Not because I was losing my nerve, but because I wanted to cherish the moment.

As I slid her panties, the last remaining article of clothing she had on, down, I raked my eyes over her bare body.

God, she was perfection.

I took a few breaths as I looked at her lying on the bed. Her legs were parted just slightly and hung off the bed. I had the perfect view of every part of her.

I can do this, I told myself.

I took the step that separated me from the end of the bed.

"Edward, are you sure?" she asked.

I nodded my head. I was beyond positive.

I climbed onto the bed, placing my knees on either side of her legs.

Our bare skin touched and a shiver ran through my body. It wasn't a nervous shiver either, it was _an I want more _shiver.

If I hadn't been aroused before, our skin touching as it never had before would have turned me on.

I was suddenly worried I would get off before she did, but I knew if I let that hold me back, we would never do this.

I bit my lip and continued climbing up her body, until I was pressed against her. I could feel our shared moisture on the tip of my dick.

I had already learned to tell how our arousals felt different.

Hers was pure heaven to feel on my fingers. Now to feel it on the rest of me.

Our eyes met and I knew this was right. No matter my worry. No matter the possible breakdown when we were finished, I needed to start this.

With ease, worried I would hurt her, or me, I slid myself into her.

Holy mother of God! It was just as Bella promised, if not better. I knew there was no way I would hold on long. I slowly pulled back out of her before pushing back in. Her hands cupped my face as we moved slowly together.

We were together – in every way, shape and form.

My legs tightened and I felt myself lose control. I gripped my hands in the sheets and let her continue to move below me, as my eyes shut and I saw stars.

My first sexual experience. My first orgasm inside of a person. I couldn't have asked for anything more perfect.

"Mmm, Edward…" Bella's voice trailed off.

"That was amazing," I told her. I hoped it was just as amazing for her. I prayed she would say the words without me having to ask her.

"Edward?" Her hand was on my shoulder. She was shaking me.

"Bella, wasn't it amazing? Why are you shaking me? Can't we enjoy this?"

"Baby, wake up."

What? Wake up?

My eyes fluttered opened, before shutting from the light. I slowly opened them again and took in my surroundings. We were on the plane. I had a blanket wrapped around me. Bella looked at me with bright, wide eyes.

"You okay?" she asked.

I nodded my head. I was unsure if I really was okay, but I couldn't think of why I wouldn't be.

"Good," she said before she leaned in. "So, was it a good dream?"

* * *

><p>BPOV<p>

Edward accepted the sedative willingly. I think he knew that the longer he waited, the worse it would get.

I didn't want him to get to a point where he was unable to function, so I opted to offer him the meds sooner than later.

Thankfully, he was somewhat coherent as we got on the plane. He was able to get to his seat with a little bit of assistance from me. I hadn't thought about how I would get him on the plane if he was unable to walk.

Once he was in his seat, I buckled him in and got a pillow and blanket. I figured if he was comfortable, he would rest and hopefully sleep the entire flight away.

We were about ninety minutes into the flight, when Edward started talking lightly in his sleep.

I tried to listen in for any sign of distress in his voice, but he sounded okay. Not that I could really tell what he was saying anyway.

I continued working on my laptop until his words turned into light moans. I looked over at him and he looked happy. Like _really_ happy.

"Bella…" he whispered. His eyes softly fluttered and his body twisted, but he was still asleep.

I prayed whatever it was that he was dreaming about was good. I hadn't a clue what to do if he woke up panicked from a dream.

His moaning increased to the point I was worried other passengers around us would hear him. His head nodded, his face contorted to one of pure pleasure. It was the face he gives me when he's about to get off.

His hips then gave a thrust upward two times, before a smile graced his face.

I was pretty sure he just got off, but I didn't want to go exploring with him asleep.

I placed my hand on his shoulder and said his name a few times before shaking him.

He mumbled a bit before his eyes finally opened.

"You okay?" I asked. I knew he was, well I hoped he was. I hoped he wasn't about to freak out because of his dream.

He nodded, but he looked confused. Very confused.

"Good," I said before I leaned a bit closer to him, so I could whisper in his ear. "So, was it a good dream?"

He nodded his head again and cleared his throat.

He reached for my hand and laced our fingers together. He looked at me and smiled.

"It sucks that it was only a dream."


	27. Chapter 27

**Life Support**

Thankfully, I managed to make it through the rest of the flight.

After I woke, and was calmed, Bella asked if I needed to change. I was confused as to what she was referring to, but after her subtle glance at my crotch, I understood.

I thanked God at the fact that I didn't need to change my pants. As much as I enjoyed the dream, I wasn't sure I would have been able to handle having gotten off in such a public location. I had a hard enough time being relaxed to get off with Bella around, but then to do it on a plane filled with people was something I would have lost my cool about completely .

I could still feel the light effects of the meds Bella gave me, but they were not so severe that I fell back asleep.

When the plane landed, I walked hand in hand with Bella to the car my uncle had waiting for us. For some reason, having been out with her in New York wasn't the same as being out with her at home.

Maybe it was the fact that no one in New York knew me. No one there knew that I never left the house. No one there knew going out was such a feat for me to accomplish. Being home, there were people that knew me, my family. They knew that I never left my house; that people didn't touch me, yet I was holding Bella's hand as the crisp air blew across my face.

We had to walk down to the loading zone at the airport. It was not nearly as crowded as the airport in New York. That fact alone made this easier on me.

We were almost to the company car when I saw them. My family.

Esme, Carlisle, Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rose all stood behind the car. They slowly approached Bella and me. I stiffened just a little, but Bella tightened her hold on my hand, which immediately relaxed me.

"What are they going to say?" I asked Bella, slowing our walk just a bit, so I could talk with her.

"They are going to say they love you and are proud of you. Why would you think they would do anything but that?"

"I don't know. This is a major thing. I'm scared."

She stopped walking and looked me in the eye. "Do you want me to ask them to leave? Maybe they can come over later and see you."

"No, no that's okay." I smiled at her and pulled her hand to my lips. I placed a light kiss to her knuckles and as Bella blushed, I heard Alice squeal.

"I told you they are proud," Bella said, as she pulled my hand to her and placed a kiss on my knuckles.

My blush, I was sure, matched hers.

Being with Bella made me complete, but I wasn't used to this; public affection, or even being in public in general, were both still so scary.

There was only about ten feet between Bella and me and my family. As we started to move forward again, they came toward us. When we met in the middle, none of them touched me, or bridged that gap assuming it was okay, just because I had allowed Bella to.

"Edward, it's so good to see you out like this," Carlisle said. Esme nodded her head in agreement.

"You look so good. Very put together," Esme said with a smile.

I may have looked, _put together_, but I was still scared shitless.

"Th-thank you." My heart rate picked up as I stuttered.

Jasper had his arms wrapped around Alice. They both were looking at me. "Edward, I'm so very proud of you," Alice said. "You have come so far. Who would have known that this is where you would end up? And all over a broken laptop."

Everyone laughed lightly. You could tell they very well may have been just as nervous as I was. This was new. Yes, they were my family, but we had never been together in this type of situation.

"I guess getting upset and breaking Cullen, Volturi, and Denali property ended up being a good thing," Carlisle said, as he winked at me and Bella.

"I could pay for that…" Bella said, her words trailing off.

"You have more than paid me for it by getting my nephew out of the house and giving him a life that I know his parents always wanted for him. I'm happy you broke your laptop. I'd let you break another if it meant Edward would excel more."

"I don't think he can change much more. He has always been perfect. Inside of his house or out." Bella looked up at me. My eyes were already locked on her. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you," I whispered back.

"So the next time you are out of the house, will it be for a wedding?" Emmett asked, wagging his eyebrows. Rose elbowed him lightly in the gut.

"What? They are obviously pretty serious. The guy that wouldn't even go in the backyard and play flag football with me is now traveling across the country to be with a girl, and telling her that he loves her. That's serious!"

Bella opened her mouth, as to say something, but I cut her off.

"I-I p-plan to leave my house again b-before I," I paused for a brief moment before I went forward. I wanted to make sure I didn't stutter, "marry her. After all, I have to get a ring."

"Ed-ward," Bella said, her word broken up.

My whole family gasped.

"Maybe we should let them talk alone," Esme said in her always motherly tone. "Edward, Bella, we will be by later to drop off Jake."

My aunt, uncle and cousins slowly walked away. They all had smiles on their faces. I think this was a moment they never expected to have with me.

I squeezed Bella's hand before walking the rest of the way to the car in silence.

They all left in a stretch limo, we were in a sedan and that was fine by me. This way I could sit close to Bella.

"Baby," Bella started, but stopped. "Edward, marriage?" she questioned. It was as if she wasn't sure she could believe her ears.

"Don't you want to? You know, marry me?"

"It's not that I don't want to, but I guess I never expected this."

"So if I asked, you would say yes, right?"

"I can't tell you that. It would ruin the surprise." I knew I had nothing to worry about. Her smile was about the size of her whole face. She was ecstatic, but trying her hardest to play it cool.

"Well, then maybe I won't ask. Make you sweat on it and decide if you really want to be stuck with me."

"Edward." Her voice was stern. "You know I love and adore you and I would go to the ends of the world for you. You are the only one for me. Don't ever worry that I would come back with a no to a proposal."

I placed a kiss to her temple and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her as close as possible to me.

* * *

><p>She was still tight and secure in my arms when we pulled into the driveway. The driver opened the door and I climbed out, reaching my hand to Bella to help her from the car.<p>

I took our bags, because I didn't want the driver to walk them into the house. As comfortable as I was starting to get, I didn't want a stranger in my home.

"God, I'm so happy to be home," Bella said as soon as we were through the doorway.

"Me too." My eyes were on her. If possible, she was even more beautiful now than ever before. I watched her as she kicked her shoes off and pulled her sweater over her head. She had on a tank top and she looked like perfection. I watched as she danced around the living room and into the kitchen.

"So good to be home!" she yelled from the kitchen. Her voice held so much excitement.

She came back from the kitchen and looked at me. "Why you still standing there?" she asked, cocking her head to the side.

I realized I was still in the entry, bags still in my hands. I was too focused on watching her to realize I hadn't moved.

"I was lost in thought, admiring all the beauty in this room."

She rolled her eyes at me and took her bag from my hand, placing a light kiss on my lips.

"I love you, Edward."

"I love you, Bella."

She turned and started walking to the bedroom. Just as she was about to enter the hall, and leave my line of sight, she turned and looked at me. "Wanna join me?"

I looked at her, unsure of what I was joining her for. That was until she dropped her bag and pulled her tank top off quickly, before undoing her pants and running down the hall in only her bra and panties.

I stared at the spot I last saw her until I heard the water turn on in the bathroom.

I closed my eyes and opened them again.

I wanted this, I wanted her. After my dream, I knew I wanted everything that involved her, but would I be able to manage this?

I dropped my bag, locked the front door, and shed my pants and shirt, as I followed the sounds of the water.

I knocked timidly on the bathroom door.

"Come in."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and pushed the door open. Bella was standing in her bra and panties, pulling her hair up into a ponytail.

"Hey," I said to her.

"Hey," she replied back. "I need to shower off the travel germs. If you want to join me…" Her words trailed off, and without a thought, I started to remove my clothing.

I didn't talk. I couldn't talk. I didn't trust that when I tried to talk that I would make any sense.

I had made it known I wanted to marry her; that I wanted to spend my entire life with her. If I didn't make an attempt to take this step forward, I knew there was no way I could expect her to marry me.

I took a deep breath and pulled the shower curtain back. I climbed in and held my hand out to her; a silent request asking her to join me.

I watched as Bella unclasped her bra, her back was still to me, but I could see her reflection in the mirror. Once she dropped her bra to the floor, she bent just slightly to slide her panties down.

My breath caught as she turned around and faced me. It wasn't like I had never seen her naked before, but for some reason, this was different. We were naked together.

She took my still outstretched hand and climbed into the shower.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't know where to put my hands, my feet or my very aroused self.

She turned so her back was to my front. She reached back and grabbed hold of my other hand.

"I love you, Edward," she said as she rested her head on my chest. She pulled our hands so they were wrapped around her torso. The water ran down her front, over her breasts and down her body.

"I love you," I whispered back.

We stood there in silence until she moved her hands, releasing hers from mine. She helped manipulate my hands until my fingers were spread open over her abdomen.

"It's okay to touch me, Edward. Touch me like you always do. I want to be with you and I want to wait until you are ready, but I think you are ready, you're just scared. Let me help you not to be scared."

She pressed her back against my front. My erection pressed against her lower back.

"There is no shame in being turned on by the woman you love. There is no shame in being turned on by the woman you want to marry; by the woman that _wants_ to be your wife."

She turned her head and I looked down at her. Our eyes caught and I stared at her, lost in the beautiful dark brown eyes that were caught in my gaze.

"You sure?" I asked her.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because I'm not that amazing. Why would you want to marry me?"

She turned so we were face to face. Her chest was pressed against mine. My erection was right between her legs. So close.

Bella didn't even seem to notice how close we were, as she looked up at me with sadness in her eyes. "Edward, you are everything, including amazing. I want to spend my life with you. If you were to ask me now, I would shout my _yes_ from the depths of my being. I want nothing more than to be with you forever." She reached up on her tip toes and kissed my lips.

When she pulled back from her quick kiss, I pulled her back to me. Our mouths molded together and as my tongue pushed between my lips and against hers, she granted me that access. My arms wrapped around her body, keeping her as close to me as I could get her.

Nothing mattered in that moment, just her, me and our kiss.

Bella pulled back, panting from the kiss and lack of breath. I wasn't ready to pull away though. I placed my lips to her neck, kissing at the beads of water that covered her skin. As my mouth moved around her neck, her body started to move closer to mine. She was so close, so very close that I felt myself slide between her legs.

Her moan brought me out of whatever mental block I had in place. Our bodies stilled. I wasn't inside of her, but if I moved even the slightest bit, I would be.

"Oh shit, Edward," Bella panted. My arms were still tight around her body; her chest rising and falling against mine.

"I think, I think, I think…" but I couldn't think. I couldn't move. I was locked right where I was. I didn't know what to do.

"Do you want me to move?" she asked, worry and concern in her eyes.

"I don't, I don't know."

Bella moved her hand and pulled my face so I was looking at her.

"It's okay to stop. It's okay to keep going. As long as you are sure in what you want, I will be there with you. I don't ever want you to second guess what we do, Edward."

"Never."

I took a deep breath, then another, before I decided to voice what I wanted, what I needed. I needed and wanted Bella with all of my being.

"I want you. I want all of you."

I moved my arms from around her so they went lower down her body. I cupped my hands around her backside and lifted her body.

Her eyes were wide as she squealed and tangled her legs around my body.

Forgetting the shower, forgetting every worry I ever had when it came to being with a person, I carried Bella to my bed to finally make her mine.


	28. Chapter 28

**Life Support**

Bella's laughter rang through the house as I carried her to the bedroom, my erection pressing against her lower abdomen. A trail of water was left behind us.

I felt her lips on my neck and her hands on my back, before they weaved through my wet hair.

"I love you, Edward," Bella whispered into my ear, as she nibbled on my lobe.

I felt my erection pulse against her and I was worried I would come before I got her into bed.

"Be-Bella, sttop or, or I won't make it," I moaned to her. If she kept kissing and sucking on my skin, I knew this would be the worst first time ever.

She threw her head back, pressing her chest against mine. My knees hit the end of the bed and I lightly laid her down.

Her legs were spread apart and I could see all of her. Her body was still wet from the shower and her skin glistened in the light that shone in from the blinds.

"You, you are beautiful, Bella."

She smiled and bit her lower lip. "You are amazing, Edward." She sat up and placed her hands on my hips. My erection was right in front of her face.

My breathing picked up just a bit. As much as I wanted her, I wasn't sure I wanted her to do it with her mouth.

"I, uh, I," I stuttered.

Bella looked up at me; her big, brown eyes full of desire. "I won't if you don't want me to." Her tongue slid out between her lips and moistened the light pink flesh.

"Not, not this time."

She nodded her head. "Okay, baby." She lay back down on the bed. "You call the shots. We will do this however you want."

I nodded my head and took a deep breath as I stared at her naked body.

It wasn't a new sight to my eyes, but it was still special. I never in my wildest dreams though I would be with a girl as amazing as Bella, let alone in this situation. Ready to have sex; no make love, for the first time in my twenty-nine years of life.

I cleared my throat, worried that my voice would crack when I tried to talk.

"C-can you move up there?" I asked, as my eye flitted from Bella's body to the pillows.

She bit her lip and nodded her head, as she rolled over and crawled up the bed.

My breathing hitched as I watched her on all fours, crawling away from me; her backside up in the air.

I sucked in a shaky breath as she rolled back over and her eyes met mine.

She smiled at me, giving me the most beautiful look ever. "Like what you see?" Her eyes drifted down to below my waist.

I hadn't realized it, but my hand had drifted down and I was gently stroking myself.

"Uh, yeah, yes," I replied. "I liked it a lot."

I climbed up the bed. I thought about lying next to her, but as I went to move to her right side, she spread her legs a bit wider, bringing me between her legs. I knew she would let me go at my own pace, but I was thankful for her assistance. She would keep me from chickening out.

I was nervous, no I was terrified. I sucked in a breath as my knees came in contact with her bare thighs.

My eyes shut as I took in all the new sensations that I felt in my body. Her bare skin against my bare skin, her breath as it lightly blew across my face and chest.

"I can do this," I whispered.

"Edward, if you're not sure…" her voice also just a whisper.

"I am sure, Bella. I just, I just need a moment," I whispered back.

I saw her nod before I closed my eyes.

All I have to do is slide just a tiny bit forward and I will be there. I will no longer be a virgin and instead I will be with the love of my life. The love I never thought I would have. I will be whole, complete. I will be able to give her everything if I can take this final step.

There may be more hurdles to overcome, but if I could get on a plane for her and get to this point, I know I can do the rest. I know I can do this.

I took a slow deep breath in, then blew it out and inhaled another before I opened my eyes. Bella looked up at me and smiled. She wasn't annoyed, she wasn't pissed I was so troubled with this; at least not that she expressed. I knew no matter what, she was always willing to wait for me, because for her, I was worth it.

With that thought fresh in my mind, I pushed forward to break the remaining distance between us.

I stopped when her hand came in contact with my penis, just as I pressed against her moist center.

"Wh-what are you doing?" I stammered out.

"Just helping you in." She batted her lashes and ran the tips of her fingers along my shaft.

My body reacted and I jerked forward, finding her wetness coating me. I slid in with limited effort due to her arousal.

"Oh, oh, oh shit," I mumbled out. This was more than I ever expected or anticipated. My fingers in her didn't do justice for what it really felt like.

My heart rate picked up and I was worried I would pass out and ruin this moment. I tried to keep my breathing slow and regular, but as Bella's insides tightened lightly, it made everything that much more difficult.

It was hard to concentrate. Hard to focus on anything but the tiny movements I felt her body give to me.

"Are you okay?" Bella asked. Worry was evident in her voice. I looked down at her, our eyes finally meeting since I entered her. She looked terrified.

"Ye-yeah, a-are you okay?"

"Fine, just worried about you. You have been still, hovering above me with a blank expression for about five minutes."

"It's so much more than I expected. I didn't realize I had…I'm sorry."

"Edward, don't be." She pushed her torso up as she rested on her elbows, so she could place a kiss to my lips. "Do you want to stop?" she asked, as she pulled back from the kiss.

I shook my head no, and I pulled myself back just slightly before I pushed forward again. Her body kept lightly tightening on me with every movement I made. It felt like she was pulling me in, trying to get me closer. Trying to complete us more than we already were.

I took a deep breath, then another as I tried to keep this going. I could already feel the tightening in my groin. I knew I was about to explode.

I shook my head no, as I kept moving slowly back and forth. I was about to explode. She hadn't gotten off yet. I kept shaking my head no. I needed to get her off.

I grunted and I felt my body tense. My eyes closed as I was over taken by my own release. I didn't succeed in getting her off. I felt my penis tighten and the warm fluid flow out of me and into Bella.

My blood was pounding; my heart beat was the only thing I could hear in my ears.

"Damn it!" I yelled, causing Bella to flinch under me.

I opened my eyes and looked down at her. Her face was flushed and she looked happy, but I wasn't sure how she was happy. I didn't do anything for her but use her body.

"Why are you yelling?" She reached for my tightened fist that was next to her shoulder and brought it to her lips. She loosened my fingers and placed a kiss on each tip.

"I didn't make you…" I was too ashamed to continue.

"Edward," she placed her hand on my cheek and turned my face to hers. Her eyes were accepting and didn't hold any disappointment. "I love you. You won't always get me off. It doesn't work that way. Hell, I would say that most guys don't last as long or do as well as you did for their first time. You have nothing to be upset about. It was amazing that you were willing and able to do this; to even try and succeed. It is more than I ever expected. I'm so very proud of you." She pulled my face to hers and gave me a kiss, which I returned.

"Now, come lie next to me so I can cuddle the man I love."

* * *

><p>I lay with Bella cuddled around me for hours. We talked, we laughed, and we shared stories with each other that we never had shared before. The mood was light and that fact alone made it so much easier not to think about what we had just done.<p>

Yes, being with Bella, making love to her, was what I wanted, but if my mind drifted too much to thinking only about that, I started to tense up.

Every time I got too quiet in our conversation, Bella would pull me back to help keep my mind focused on everything else but that. She truly was an amazing woman, girlfriend, and now lover.

She made me, a man who never thought he would be whole, whole.

"You complete me," I whispered to her.

"You complete me, too," she whispered back.

My arms wrapped around Bella as I pulled her on top of me.

"You take control, you teach me now," I said to her as I placed my hand between us and guided myself back in to her.

* * *

><p>The sun was low in the sky when I was awoken by a knock at the front door. Bella was curled in the blankets next to me. Her hair a mess and her body still glowing from showing me how exactly to move to make sure her toes curled.<p>

As whoever was at the door knocked again, I placed a kiss on Bella's forehead and grabbed some clothes.

In a pair of sweatpants and a tee shirt, I opened the door to my aunt, uncle and Jake.

He barked and leaped from Esme's arms into mine when he saw me.

"Hey, boy."

Jake wasted no time and sniffed my face before licking my jaw.

He barked and wiggled out of my arms and ran back toward the bedroom.

"He sure missed you both," Esme said.

"We missed him, too. Thanks for everything," I said as I waved my arm around the entry of the house. Esme really did a great job at getting someone to clean up the place.

"Anytime, Edward, you know you are like a son to us." Esme smiled, and this was the first time she said that to me, that I actually believed it.

"Thanks." I took a deep breath and a small step closer to her. I placed my hand on hers and her eyes widened. "Thanks for everything, both of you." With that I placed my other hand on Carlisle's.

With Bella and my family, I really was now complete.


	29. Chapter 29

**Life Support**

I woke up to Jake licking my face.

"Hey, boy, where's Edward?"

Jake snorted and curled into my side.

"I missed you too, boy."

I turned to roll out of bed to go find Edward, but I heard voices, and laughter.

Edward's laughter.

I heard Carlisle and Esme talking and laughing right along with him. I couldn't make out what they were saying, but it was nice to hear him laugh. It was nice to hear him laugh when I wasn't the one making him laugh.

Not that I don't like making him happy and laugh, but it's good to know I'm not the only one that could do that.

Instead of interrupting their moment, I lay back in bed, wrapped the sheets around me and thought of the time I had just spent with Edward.

I was so proud of him for taking charge and deciding to be with me.

The fact Edward joined me in the shower made my day, but then the fact that he carried me to bed and took charge, made my year.

For his first time and for all of his issues, Edward did a wonderful job. I hated he got upset about not getting me off, and I did my best to reassure him and keep his mind off the fact that he was satisfied and I wasn't.

It happens. It happens with men that are experienced. I wanted to explain this to Edward, but I didn't want him to think about me with other men, so I tried my best to keep him calm and know I was still more than satisfied.

When Edward pulled me on top of him and asked me to take control, I was shocked, actually, beyond shocked. I didn't know what exactly he wanted me to do, or how far he was willing me to go, but I had no time to think about that as he slid himself into me.

He obviously was willing to go all the way.

I started slow. I rocked my hips lightly and placed my lips to his.

He moaned against my lips before pulling back.

His face looked as if he had just seen a ghost.

"What's wrong? Let yourself go, Edward."

"I-I just can't believe I'm so…" His words trailed off.

"Relaxed?"

He nodded his head.

"There's nothing wrong with being relaxed, especially not with the girl you love."

While we talked my movements stopped, but as soon as I was sure he wasn't going to freak out on me, I started moving again.

His body wasn't as relaxed as before. Instead he was rigid, no longer molding with me. His arms were stiff at his sides.

"Baby," I whispered, as I stopped moving again, "touch me." I don't know why, but I suddenly started to feel shy. I shouldn't have been. I wasn't the one that was a virgin only an hour ago. I was the one that was supposed to take charge, yet I was feeling completely inexperienced.

He swallowed down a lump that must have been in this throat.

He tentatively moved his hand toward my waist.

I moved his other hand to my other side and encouraged him to hold me.

"Let me show you, baby."

"Okay." His voice was shaky.

I placed my hands on his and moved them to my chest. "Touch me."

He ran his fingertips over my nipples, lightly pinching them.

Once his body softened, I started to rock my hips again.

I rocked my body on him; trying to keep my movements steady. As I felt my body about to let go, I told him.

"Take over, Edward. Thrust your hips. Move with me." My words came out in a breathy whisper as my movements stilled and my insides tightened around him.

Edward listened just as I asked and started to move his hips. He rocked my body back and forth as I collapsed on him.

I moaned out in pleasure and his movements faltered just a bit.

When my body relaxed, Edward stilled and placed his hands on my face so he could look me in the eye.

"That was, that was amazing," he panted. "You, you, you know…"

"I did and it was amazing." I placed my lips to his as we both started moving together until Edward also found his release.

* * *

><p>Months had passed since Edward and I first had sex. After those first two times, we slowed back down. I was more than okay with that. I knew it had taken a lot out of him to be intimate with me.<p>

Over the last few months, I watched as Edward got to really know his family. He invited them over; we had cookouts and he got to really enjoy life.

The Edward that sat across from me now wasn't the same man that I met eighteen months ago. He was now carefree and happy. He wore a smile on his face most of the time and it wasn't just at times when I put it there.

I looked at Edward; examining his face in the dim candlelight. We were out on a date. We started going out more and more over the last few months. When we did go out, Edward would make reservations and normally get us in an excluded corner.

Right now we were in a private room at the back of one of the nicer restaurants in town. After about three dates here, the staff was good about getting us a nice room where we were able to be alone.

"Where did you go, Bella?"

"Huh?"

"I asked you what you wanted to eat, but you didn't answer."

"Oh, sorry, lost in thought. Thinking about how much has changed over the last few months." I smiled at him, but his face expressed concern.

"Ar-are you happy with the changes?" Edward swallowed down a lump in his throat.

"Of course, I've told you I loved you before the changes and I love you still. I will always love you whether we go out or stay in. Whether we are together," I wagged my eyebrows at him and ran my foot up his leg under the table, "or we are not together. I am still happy I have you."

Edward placed his left hand under the table and reached for my leg. He ran his fingers up my bare calf. His other hand reached out and cupped my face.

"You sure I make you happy?"

"Of course, baby. I don't want anyone but you." I leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on Edward's cheek.

Edward smiled and turned his head away. He was intently looking at the door to the room we were in. He continued to rub my calf and I reached out and placed my hand on his bicep, lightly running my fingers over his skin.

We fell into a comfortable silence, just the two of us, as we waited for our server to take our order. I let my mind drift back to how perfect my life has become.

I was thankful that Edward now was able to handle my physical touch in public. I loved my skin on his, and his on mine. It was something I knew I would never be able to live without. I was thankful I was the one that he finally let in; the one that was able to break through and save him from his fears. Since everyone else's touch was still not as welcomed, I knew there was a special connection that only we would share. The occasional hand shake or pat to the shoulder was now okay by close family, but anything more or touches from anyone else and Edward would panic.

No matter how you looked at it, Edward has come a long way; considering that just over a year and a half ago, no one was allowed to touch him at all.

"Bella?" Edward said, again breaking me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah, baby?"

Our eyes met and I felt the love and affection I have for this man overtake me. Anyone who saw us could tell that we were beyond in love. He was my life and I was his.

"I love you," he whispered.

When Edward spoke, he sounded on the verge of panic and I instantly got scared. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. I'm fine. I love you, Bella. I love you so much it scares me a bit."

"Oh, baby, I love you too, so very much. Love can be a frightening thing, but between us, there is nothing to be scared of."

Edward seemed to zone back out and I would be lying if I didn't say I was worried. There was something wrong and I didn't know what it was. Was going out three times this week too much on him?

I kept my eyes on him, trying to read the expressions on his face.

After about five minutes, the door to our room opened and Edward visibly tensed up even more.

"Baby, it's just our server. Why are you so tense?"

"Because I love you."

Before I could respond, a dish was placed before me. I looked down at the table, at the large bowl of pistachio ice cream with 'marry me' lettered out with cut up cherries and whipped cream.

"Huh?" I looked to Edward who was no longer sitting next to me, but down on the floor, on one knee with a beautiful ring between his fingers.

He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself.

"I-I love you, Bella. I wi-will ll-oove you forever. I want you t-to be ma-my ev-everything, forever. Pp-please wa-will you m-marry me?"


	30. Chapter 30

**Life Support**

Proposing to Bella had been the hardest thing I had done in my life.

I thought going out in public was hard. I thought being physical with her was hard. I thought being on a plane and flying across the country was hard. All of that was a cake walk in comparison to waiting for an answer to my proposal.

All night, the ring burned in my pocket, the words I was about to say repeated over and over in my head.

I thought them out, I knew what I wanted to say, but as soon as my mouth opened, my nerves took over and I almost chickened out, but I couldn't, because the question was out there; written in cherries and whipped cream on her favorite flavor of ice cream.

It was cheesy and stupid and I can't believe I asked her like that, but I knew if I wasn't put on the spot, I wouldn't go through with it.

It was Emmett's idea. He came with me ring shopping. I don't know why I asked him and not Alice or even Esme, but he was a great help. He directed me away from yellow gold and to white gold or platinum. He also told me it isn't all about the biggest diamond, but the one that matched my love for Bella.

In the end I probably still went over the top for Bella's style, but she deserved it. The three karat princess cut diamond was in a platinum band that had diamonds set in it; it was excessive.

She deserved it.

I felt I owed her for all that she had done for me since we met. She had brought me to life; she gave me everything I never thought I would have.

The moment that simple 'yes' fell from her mouth, I didn't know what to say. I practically hyperventilated as I slid the ring onto her finger.

Bella dropped down to the floor and wrapped her arms around me. I wrapped mine around her as well.

Dinner was forgotten, the ice cream melted as we sat on the floor in each other's arms, quietly voicing our love to each other.

Anxiety or not, that was the best night of my life until that point.

* * *

><p>Six weeks had passed since the proposal and now I was standing under an arch in my backyard. Some people might have thought we rushed this, especially me, since, well, I'm me, but why wait if it's what you want?<p>

I felt Bella deserved a chapel on a hill and then a reception with three hundred of her closest friends.

She felt that was stupid and excessive, so here we are in the backyard about to get married.

Pastor Cheney stood to my right, with Jasper and Emmett to my left.

I was a nervous wreck.

I don't know why; there was only a handful of people in attendance and marrying Bella was what I lived to do.

I had no friends, so my invite list was small; only my family.

I knew Bella had friends, but she opted to only invite a few, close, family members as well.

Bella and I had prepared for the slight chance that if I got overly nervous and couldn't make it through the ceremony, we would take a break. We would walk away from the attention and take a few deep breaths. Even though this should be the easiest thing ever, I was still nervous. Bella knew if that happened, it wasn't because I didn't want to be with her; but because I was holding the attention of people that I wasn't necessarily very familiar with.

Prior to today, I had only met Bella's parents a handful of times. They were nice people, and they approved of me, but you could tell, deep down, they may have wished I had never entered their daughter's life. Bella told me I was wrong, but her father gave me the same look that my father used to give me. Displeasure.

When the music started to play, my thoughts shifted, and I no longer worried about the possibility of my nerves ruining the ceremony.

Rose walked down the aisle, followed by Alice. They were both in strapless, long silver gowns. They both were pretty ladies, but done up for today, for my marriage to Bella, they both looked amazing. I was happy to have them both in my family.

Not even a year ago, I couldn't count on Rose for anything, yet here she was to support me in this step of my life. She and I now had our own personal jokes and were able to get along like a family should.

As Rose, and then Alice walked by, they both patted my shoulder lightly.

The first time I touched Alice, she was ecstatic. We had always been close, but for me to allow her in like that was something she never expected. Carrying it through to the rest of the family showed to be easier than I expected. I was thankful to have them as I do and I was so pleased to be able to show them the progress that I had made.

The music that played for Rose and Alice suddenly changed, and my eyes snapped to the back door of the house, where Bella would be coming from.

The sight of her took my breath away; she was stunning. Her hair was pulled up and there were curls falling around her face. Her dress was simple; white with a silver bow around the waist.

Her father, Charlie, was on her arm as they walked slowly toward me. It felt like time was standing still and she wasn't getting any closer to me. I wished I could run down the aisle toward her. I wanted her in my arms so badly.

To hold her.

To tell her how beautiful she was.

To tell her that she was far better than I ever deserved.

As soon as she arrived by my side, I never wanted to let go again. I wanted to keep her close, for myself; forever. If I never had to part from her side, I would die a happy man, even if it meant I had to give up everything else in life.

We opted to write our own vows. I was terrified to speak with everyone looking at me, but I managed. I did it for her. I told her how much I love her, and how much I live every moment of every day for her, and her alone. I told her that someday I would give her everything and more, for all she's done for me.

And then with a kiss, we were husband and wife.

I released a deep breath before I took my wife's hand and faced our guests.

She was mine; forever!

* * *

><p>We stayed close to home for our honeymoon, in a nice cottage by the water. We were alone and it was extremely exclusive.<p>

Our days we spent in bed. Our evenings we spent walking up and down the beach, and our nights, we spent talking about our future together.

"Do you want kids?" I asked her on our last night of our honeymoon. I know it's something we probably should have talked about before we got married, but I never really thought about it.

She ran her fingers down my arm. We were wrapped up in only a blanket.

"I don't know, I never thought about it. Until you, I was always only about work. Having a baby never seemed to be in my cards, so I didn't waste energy thinking about things I couldn't have. But now, now, I don't know. Could you manage that? The two of us together is one thing, but another little person that is a part of us, do you think you could you handle all that comes with kids?"

"Bella, I think I can handle anything as long as I have you by my side. With you I can do anything."

I pulled Bella back to me and showed her what I could do now that I had her forever.


	31. Chapter 31

**And here you have it. The end. I hope it was everything you expected it to be. For the new readers, I hope you enjoyed. For the repeat readers, I hope it was fun diving back in with this pair. Much love - SbP**

**Life Support**

There are things that you imagine and dream of as a kid, that you never think you will have.

When I was younger, I always thought I would love to have a nice house and a nice car and maybe even someone to spend my life with.

I doubt that most kids thought of those things, but since I figured I would never have them, I felt safe to imagine my life with them. After all, how could someone that never wanted to leave the house, be around people in his own home, or refuse to be touched, have those things that were viewed as normal?

Yet, now here I sit, in that place I imagined, with all of those things I never imagined I would have.

The sun was beating down and the sound of children screaming and laughing filled the air.

Bella squeezed my hand that she was holding, as the wind blew and her hair whipped around her face.

We watched as Lizzie ran around with her cousin; both of them playing with their dolls.

I was in a place that could be labeled as perfection now.

In the beginning, it wasn't as easy as I thought. Marrying Bella wasn't the challenge. The challenge was what came two weeks later, when we arrived home from our honeymoon and found out she was pregnant.

I spent Bella's whole pregnancy trying to come to terms that I was going to have to put myself out there; and not just for nine months, but for the rest of my life. There was no way that I would be able to sit in my house and get lost in myself ever again.

I would have to go to school functions, doctor's appointments, plays, play dates, sporting games and anything else that our child would be involved in.

Yeah, I could miss those things, but I didn't want to miss a moment of my child's life like I missed so much of my own.

I missed everything in my own childhood and I vowed the moment that Lizzie was born that I would relive all that I missed with her.

She was just about five now; and in those five short years we had already done so much together.

The first time I held her it was like my life came together. She cried and screamed, but as soon as I held her to my chest and I gave away all of my own fears, she calmed down.

She melted my heart every time she smiled, laughed or even cried.

What Bella hadn't been able to completely repair and fix with me, Lizzie was able to heal the rest.

"Daddy, Daddy, can Emma spend the night tonight? Puleeease, Daddy?" My beautiful daughter looked up at me, her mouth in a small smile and her eyes wide, just like her mother's. She batted her lashes and held her hands up as if she was praying.

"Sure, kiddo."

"Oh, you are the best, Daddy!" She wrapped her tiny arms around my waist and hugged me quickly, before running back to Emma.

"You will never tell her no again, will you? Bella asked from my side.

"Maybe, someday; like when she asks if she can date of boy, or get married. I'm likely to say no."

Bella smiled and shook her head. "What a typical male response."

"Sorry, babe, but she will always be my little girl."

Bella leaned into my side and kissed my cheek. "I love you, Edward."

"Love you, Bells."

**Life Support**

**To: Edward Masen**

**From: Isabella Masen**

**Date: Saturday, May 12th 2018 2:32 pm**

**Subject: Today was…**

My dearest,

Today was the day I met you; seven, short years ago. In that time we have gone to the ends of the earth and back again, together. We got married; we had a beautiful daughter, and are living in a home that was officially ours from the start.

Who would have thought that breaking my computer would have led to all of that? You, Edward, _you_ have given me life. I know that you feel that I've done so much for you and that you've never been able to repay me, but know, that every day, having you is all the repayment I need.

You gave me a purpose; a reason for living. You and you alone have done more than anyone else ever has. You helped me slow me down. You helped me to see the bigger picture that I was missing before I met you. You gave me the child that I never thought I would have. You made sure that every day since the day we said 'I do' that I was the happiest woman alive.

I will forever love and cherish you.

You are, and always will be, my everything.

B

_Isabella Masen_

_Senior Partner_

_Cullen, Volturi, Denali, and Masen Law Firm_

I minimized the message from my wife after I read it twice.

An extra big smile came to my face when I read the email signature. She was finally a name partner; in fact it was announced just this week. Her name was added to the wall along with some of the greatest attorneys out there. I was proud of her. It was something I know she strived for and to now have that meant her world was complete.

Bella always knew what she wanted and with Lizzie, me and her career, she had it all.

I read over the email I was about to send to Bella. I had so much to tell her, yet I was sure she already knew it all.

**To: Isabella Masen**

**From: Edward Masen**

**Date: Saturday, May 12th 2018 3:14 pm**

**Subject: Re: Today was…**

My darling, Isabella,

I must say, I love that after all of these years we still communicate by email. So much of the beginning of our relationship was shared by written words.

I told you of my loves, and my fears. I gave you a part of me in those words that I had never given another. I shared everything with you. I trusted you and you alone with all of me. No one has ever and will ever have me like you do.

I think back to where I was seven years ago, before I met you.

I never left the house.

I never talked to anyone outside of work.

I never did anything; and I was happy that way…or I thought I was.

But then I met you, and you changed it all.

You gave me life.

You gave me a reason to live.

I never expected to be married to you after how our first interactions went. The fact that I nearly passed out on the phone with you, I figured that would have left a sour taste in your mouth. But from that moment you shocked me. You proved to me that you were special, and that I was just as special.

Then the first time I saw you in person; I insulted you and hurt your feelings, yet you never gave up. You were persistent in your emails; and then you appeared at my house.

Your persistence and desire is what made me whole.

You make me whole, and yet made me grow to make more room for our sweet angel.

Know that I would do it all over again. I would live my life in my home if I knew at the end it would lead me to you and then to Lizzie.

I will love you for forever and a day.

Yours forever,

Edward

_fin_


End file.
